Longing to be Found
by TwilightKitsune1-REBORN
Summary: Full summary and warnings inside. Dark secrets and agonizing dreams, the guilt of everything that has happened hangs heavy on Harry in his sixth year at Hogwarts. Voldemort's power grows at a rapid rate and there is nothing but uncertainty in the air for the future... This story takes place after OTP, does not include HBP or DH. R&R!
1. Losing Self

_**Summary: **_Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts is filled with taunting dreams and dark secrets. Sirius' death fresh in his mind and bleeding in his heart, he finds his body taking the abuse for his pain as he blames himself. Harry Potter has fallen on hard times and this time he is not able to stand back up on his own, doesn't have the strength to stand back up on his own. How will he ever find his strength again to continue to battle against Voldemort whose power is growing at a rapid rate? Plus who is this new transfer student in Slytherin house that is following Harry around? A beautiful new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has also come to Hogwarts, but the question remains will she make it through the year or does this teacher have a secret agenda like all the others. Is Harry going to have to fight for his life as well as his friend's lives yet again this year with his will teetering over the edge about to fall? Find out in the story _**Longing to be Found**_.

_**Disclaimer: **_I do not own any characters, ideas, or location's, found in the _**Harry Potter**_ universe, it is property of J. K. Rowling , and found in movies produced by Warner Bros. The storyline concept for this particular fanfiction was created in the recesses of the twisted mind of this writer and no profit is being made from this story, it's just for a bit of fun. I _do_ however own the two OC's (original characters) in this story so please do not copy them.

_**Warnings: **_DARK! Contains mature content and adult themes not suitable for young children. Slash **(male/male relationships ****beyond**** friendship; also known as yaoi)**, non-con **(rape)**, strong language, PWP at times, self-mutilation, self-gratification **(masturbation)**, OOC-ness, AU…

…_**YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!...**_

_Rated:__M/NC-17  
Drama/Angst_

_**Longing to be Found…  
By: TwilightKitsune1**_

**Chapter One (1)  
- Losing Self – **

The days seemed to rush past this summer at number four, Privet Drive and the daily routines of life there were a constant reminder of how alone one truly was. After the summer school would begin, but not many looked forward to it… There was one person in particular who wasn't looking forward too much of anything anymore.

The sun was beginning to set; its rays seemed to give one last valiant effort to burn in the sky giving off the same color of fresh blood, its the light already fading away behind the distant tree line. The sky that earlier seemed so bright was becoming darkened by the oncoming night. Stars were already coming out to hang high in the night sky with the moon that had yet to appear over the horizon. There was a beautiful flickering of the lightning bugs that seemed to dance now as the sun faded. Dull lights in the distance, street lamps most likely, sprang to life to give some light to the oncoming night. It was the normal silence on Magnolia people came to expect. A silent melody of crickets, or the occasional croak from a frog, and maybe a gentle mew in the distance from a stray cat or loud yelp from a dog sounded in their nightly symphony. A soft, not over powering, smell of freshly cut grass drifted in the air, it was hardly noticeable to the nose but still gave the sense of summer.

Harry Potter, the most famous wizard of the age, sat in a secluded part of a park on an old rusted swing that had yet to be torn down and replaced. He sat with his head leaned to a rough rusting metal chain link that left flaks on both his face and shirt, but he paid it no mind. One of his hands lightly grasped the tarnished chain his head rested on as the other hung limp by his side. There wasn't much in the surrounding area nor was this a spacious place. It was just a forgotten place in part of the new park.

It was off out of the way where one could sit and be alone, but due to the surrounding homes in the area not much of anything "delinquent" could be done here so many parents paid it no mind. There were trees here and the grass seemed like it was cut, but not often enough to make it clear, just enough so people wouldn't have brush growing past their knees. Old toys destroyed by nature and age littered the ground, forgotten. Shoes with the laces tied together hung from a few of the old trees around the area, as though to mark those who had been here, those who had gone. Harry had always loved this place when he found it, when he had only been six years old. He could get away from the Dursley's here. He could be alone here, he could have his thoughts _here_. He could have grand adventures and not be trapped in a small closet that made him feel so much like a prisoner… He hated that feeling, knew in the end he _was _a prisoner. It was that thought that he'd never be free of them that drove him to find a sanctuary that had nothing to do with them. If he was a prisoner they had control, he could do nothing but suffer, take his punishment quietly and with no complaints. Or worse would come…

His eyes had glazed and became unfocused as he looked into the distance. He could feel eyes prying into his back; he could feel them as if he saw them. He knew someone was watching him but at the moment all worry, all caution, and all fear was completely out of his mind. He ignored his senses screaming at him that there was someone watching him and that his guard _needed_ to be back up. He ignored his base instincts and became lost in his mind.

He didn't see the oncoming night, the stars that hung in the sky waiting, the dancing of the beautiful lightning bugs, nor did he see the dull street lamps that had sprung to life. No what he saw were the flashes of the curses and the hexes that were used in the Ministry as they flew all around him. He heard no gentle melody from crickets as they played their nightly lullaby, the occasional croak from the frogs had gone silent, even the gentle mews from the cats and those loud yelps from the dogs had turned silent as though drowned out. No all he heard were the screams of those who had fought around him in that place, their spells and hexes that were uttered. He just watched now, listening to it all again, with Neville Longbottom by his side. He watched and he listened and he saw Dumbledore arrive to help push Voldemort's forces back… As it got darker, the darker Harry's memories became, and soon all that filled his mind was his late Godfather.

Harry remembered Sirius' joy at finally getting out of that place that had been _his_ prison growing up, and then it had been again when he should have been free. Harry could see how Sirius came to life feeling as though he was finally being allowed a good fight after all his suffering. He seemed so young, years falling off his face as the fighting went on… Then, strangely, there was shock and there was fear. He was falling… Falling away from Harry, far away from Harry to a place he wouldn't be able to follow.

A veil appeared center stage in Harry's mind, flapping in a non-existent wind, engulfing Sirius behind it. Swallowing him whole and not giving him back…Harry stared at the veil for a long while, it was Lupin that pulled him from his trance, explained the truth to Harry. Sirius was dead… He was dead and it was Bellatrix's fault! Harry was furious. Anger filling his whole being, and in a blind fit of rage all he craved was revenge… He craved the satisfaction of killing her with his own hands, with his own power. No one else could do it; no one else was _allowed_ to do it, to have that satisfaction… His anger stopped and turned to self-hatred. It wasn't her fault, or anyone else's… It was his…Sirius was dead because of Harry in the end. Yet for the time being Harry was chasing that wench. He could blame her, hate her, _kill_ her. Just for that instant Harry was willing to kill an innocent just to give himself peace… and for some odd reason he didn't care to murder those who were innocent yet evil.

Harry was brought out of his thoughts, out of his memories, when the once vacant swing beside him became occupied. It groaned and creaked under the new weight. His eyes instantly refocused, his head turning to the new comer and his once limp hand jumping to life and rushing toward his wand. His movements froze for in an instant as he looked at a tired looking Mrs. Figg sitting beside him.

"Mrs. Figg…What are you doing here?" Harry asked, forcing a smile on his face, his hand inching ever closer to his wand just in case it was a trick like it had been with Moody during his fourth year. Thinking of that year brought an amount of pain and guilt to him. _His fault._

"The real question Harry is, _what are you doing here_? It is late you should be getting home. Nearly ten already and your still out acting like a hooligan I bet." Mrs. Figg complained. "Here I am walking back from the store with some new cat food for my babies and then I look into the park and find you sitting in it not doing anything but staring into space. You are a lazy boy aren't you, need to learn responsibility."

Harry cringed. Mrs. Figg was reminding him of – "WHAT TIME IS IT?"

"Nearly ten's what I said. You also need to be learning how to listen too. Your elders boy, listen to them when they're speaking to you." Mrs. Figg stared at his frightened face for a moment before she shook her head, "I'll take you home with me, speak to those Dursley's tomorrow for you if you want… Maybe we could talk tonight Harry, about _things_… I can tell you all about my babies that just had babies themselves." She smiled for a moment. "Besides, you've been stuck in that house for most of the summer so far. You don't even come over to help me anymore…" Mrs. Figg looked sad for a moment then her stern look came back to her face as though it had never left so Harry chalked it up to his imagination.

Harry sighed. She was the first person to even want to talk about _things_ all summer long… No one else cared, and his uncle knew Sirius was gone and his punishment, his suffering, had returned. Maybe she could tell someone from the order, maybe they could relay the message of '_help me_' to Dumbledore.

As he was about to say something, for only an instant he saw them in his mind, an image of Cedric and Sirius smiling at him as they had when they had been alive, and all intentions of asking for help disappeared and were replaced by the fact that they had died because of him. They were no longer alive because they became involved with him, close to him. All he could do for them in the was just watch as they fell and he could do nothing but cause their pain, their families pain, their deaths. He was alone because he acted without thinking first.

He deserved everything he was getting, and more than this some days. He deserved, he wished to trade places with them… But so many people would stand and say he was being an idiot or foolish because he had to fight Voldemort… Has to fight.

Another sigh escaped his hold, this one a sigh of pain and sorrow, but Mrs. Figg didn't notice it as she just looked at Harry patently waiting. "No…I'm fine. You guys shouldn't worry about me you might get grey hairs if you're not careful." Harry said forcing a smirk to Mrs. Figg's face.

An actual chuckle escaped her lips and she looked at Harry, her eyes glimmered with a small sparkle of joy. "I was worried about you Harry, you haven't smiled all summer and we were beginning to worry about you… Besides grey hairs are the least of my worries right now."

Harry stood from the swing and looked at Mrs. Figg for a moment. She did seem to be getting older. She was much older than his young eyes remember her, the crazy cat lady who would take care of him while he was little. Though she always seemed old to him, those wrinkles were a little more defined, and the idea of her being able to live the rest of her old life out where there is no Voldemort and no reason to hide from the night, made him wonder.

"Thanks Mrs. Figg." Was all that he said as he made his way back to number four, Privet Drive. On his way out of the park, taking the short cut into the ally, he didn't seem to notice that his path was close to pitch black and hard to see down as the street lamp had blown a few days ago, but he knew the quick ways back to number four, Privet Drive by heart. Learned them out of fear. He also failed to notice that Mrs. Figg stayed seated on the old rusting swing, silently moving back and forth as she watched him disappear into the night.

_**XxXxX—XxXxX—XxXxX**_

As Harry reached the door he began to reconsider Mrs. Figg's offer. Shaking his head to steel his determination he moved to the door when he saw the faint glow from the kitchen. Thinking it may be Aunt Petunia since she often came into the kitchen in the middle of the night just to see if there was anything suspicious going on next door, anything she could possibly gossip about really, he silently made his way towards the kitchen hoping he'd just get an earful but still be allowed inside. If he went back there and it was her she'd let him in after a long debate on if he'd do better outside or in. she'd wear an angry look and just tell Uncle Vernon tomorrow before he went to work… but if it was Dudley it might be trickier. As Harry reached the door he gave three soft knocks so not to draw outside attention to himself knowing his Aunt would never come if he dared to knock loud enough for people to hear.

He glanced around him to make sure no one was around, that no one had followed him here. It was completely dark now and the only light that was now cast came from the dull street lamps that stood tall and silent in the distance. There was no movement from any of the other houses and most bore no light except for what looked to be a TV down the road behind a shift of lacy curtain. Other than that there was nothing visible except for shadows and outlines of some unknown forms, tricks of the eyes really that always seemed to happen on nights when the moon seemed to stay hidden. As the footsteps came closer to the door Harry looked forward and his heart gave a frantic jerk. It was neither Aunt Petunia nor Dudley, it was the one Harry had hoped wouldn't catch him out so late as everyone else lay sleeping. Fear gripped him and stole his strength as the door inched open, only enough for him to see eyes look around outside and scan the area before they landed on Harry. As they did the eyes stopped and seemed to become evil with depths that took every ounce of power from Harry in just that single look. No longer were they curious as to what was outside. Harry's breath left him as he felt himself being pulled into the kitchen in a rough uncaring manner.

The world around him was nothing more than a blur and he could no longer feel a thing, as though in that instant the fear had made him numb. Suddenly reality hit, as well as the counter corner as it unforgivingly found the mid-section of his back. Then Harry remembered, Vernon had been the one in the empty kitchen, he had been the one looking down at Harry with eyes that had made his blood go cold, and he had grabbed Harry and thrown him into the nightmare that would be in this kitchen tonight.

Harry's body was shacking from the abuse it had just received and as he began to rise off the tiled floor a foot connected with his elbow and pushed it into the wrong direction. That action was quickly followed by the sound of a sickening snapping popping noise that filled Harry's ears; the pain exploded as his elbow stopped popping. Harry dropped back down to the floor and clung to his injured limb, cradled it against his chest. Tears began to prickle behind his eyes but quickly he pushed them away. He would not cry about this, would not give Vermon the satisfaction of seeing him cry about the sold kick. As Harry was about to try to get up again the foot came back and made another solid connection to his chest. Then his ribs. His stomach. His legs. Harry was bombarded with blow after blow. Anywhere that was able to be stuck was struck so long as that place could be hidden away under clothes.

After sometime Vernon began to start breathing heavily and Harry just stayed still where he was on the floor, no longer trying to move or avoid the blows. '_Just lay here, don't move, don't breath, it'll stop soon…_' Harry repeated to himself as he listened to Vernon's labored breathing. '_Soon it'll end, soon he'll stop._' Harry hoped, '_He'll start to get tiered, won't do anything that makes him seem "unusual" or a "freak" if the others are still here. Only a beating and then he'll leave. If I don't move, don't breath, then there isn't any pain._' Harry was close to unconsciousness so close to it that it seemed like a blessing. Harry could feel the sweet oblivion coming until he was suddenly gasping. He felt the icy chill of the water as it covered him, stealing his breath from his body and locking his lungs for a moment making it near impossible to breathe for a few seconds and the sweet promise of unconsciousness was erased as Harry fought for air to reenter his lungs after the sudden shock to his system.

Vernon wasn't going to lose Harry to fainting so easily tonight, no the night had only just started after all. He gripped Harry's hair tight in his fist and in one swift jerk he pulled it so hard Harry could have sworn he'd have ripped the hair in his hold out had Harry not gone up anticipating the sudden jerk of his head. Harry's body was protesting every movement, every breath that came and went, and now as the cold water collected over his wounds, with every slight breeze and movement there was pain. As though thousands of needles pressing into his skin. Harry listened as the water and blood now dripped on the floor collecting together and faintly he wondered if it was more of a mess due to the water that had been so carelessly tossed or would Harry have still bleed everywhere had there not been water for his blood to pool at it.

His body was battered and his mind was screaming in its daze. It was coming, the pain, the humiliation, everything he hated that Uncle Vernon pushed on him because he didn't want it was coming. It was coming and the worst part was there was nothing he could do about it.

Harry was shoved up against the wall and Vernon leaned in close to Harry's ear and whispered, "You know what's coming right?" Harry could smell a horrid stench on his breath, so foul and disgusting and laced with a strong scent of alcohol. It was like nothing he'd ever smelled before, just that smell made him want to retch. As Harry was fighting with his stomach and how it so desperately wanted to release its contents he felt his wand removed from his pocket and heard it fall away to the ground. The tears that had threatened earlier and were fought back now returned to form in his eyes, one escaping Harry's hold. Harry couldn't hold back his body's desire to tremble from the pain, the hatred, the guilt, and the fear. He felt it all as this disgusting man defiled him _again_. Vernon's hands explored everywhere and Harry heard him speak again as he harshly turned Harry to face him. "They abandon those they don't need…"

All that could go through Harry's mind in that instant was one question. '_Why_?' He was supposed to be safe, supposed to be protected…

_**XxXxX—XxXxX—XxXxX**_

Time made no difference in that instant as it seemed to tick by without anyone the wiser of the happenings or going on's at Number Four, Privet Drive. Harry didn't know how long it was before he found himself alone in the kitchen, he wasn't even sure when he had passed out from the pain and it was probably due to the sudden assault and violation that his body had rushed him into unconsciousness. As he got up, his leg's unsteady and weak, he found himself thankful for the fact that his body had already started healing itself much like it always had. He looked around him for a moment and found that his clothes had been tossed into a pile in a corner of the kitchen. Still unsteady underneath his own weight Harry half crawled, half walked over to his belongings and got dressed slipping his wand back into his pocket as he found it under one of the counters laying forgotten. As he was finished dressing Harry was pleased that he had gotten some strength back into his legs so he wouldn't have to crawl the steps up to his bedroom as he has had to so many other nights.

As he walked up the stairs Harry tightly clung to the rail to make sure he didn't fall in case he should suddenly lose the strength in his legs which he never enjoyed. As he passed the door to his aunt and uncle's bedroom he heard his uncle's carefree snoring, as though nothing had happened only moments ago. All Harry wished was that what had happened only moments ago had been nothing more than a terrible nightmare. Unreal and nothing more than lies his mind had come up with to torment him. He wished he was only now just now sneaking into the house… but Harry knew life wasn't like that. It had all happened and since it wasn't the first time he knew it wouldn't be the last.

As Harry entered his room he collapsed onto the bed. He found his body was more tired and at this point numb then anything. Turning his head slightly to the side he reached over and turned on the only sources of light in his room which was the lamp he had fixed a few years ago. When the light in his room came to life he examined his injures and found that his elbow had swollen. It looked as though there was an orange sitting where his joint should be, and it was becoming extremely difficult to move. Thankfully he didn't think it was broken, so he wasn't going to worry about it much right now. His stomach was covered in strange colored and swollen areas. One of his ribs now seemed to be pointing out at an odd angle, and there were dark and ugly looking bruises covering most of his chest. On his legs he found bruising in dark colors and one of his knees seemed to be in almost the same shape as his elbow. Though instead of pain when he moved it he really didn't feel anything except liquid in a tight space… Which part of him wondered if that was a good sign or bad…

Sighing he replaced his clothes; he'd heal in a couple days so there would be no evidence of the events that had happened just a little while ago. All of them, that is, except for his rib that was pointing out at such an odd angle. He'd have to come up with an excuse for it if anyone asked. He'd probably tell anyone who asked about it "he'd fallen down some stairs" or something… His brain was too tired to think of anything else as an excuse, and he knew he'd think more on it tomorrow. No one here would ask. They all knew Vernon's treatment of Harry wasn't exemplary or even legal sometimes, but Vernon stood by his 'beat the freak out of him' notion and they tended to agree. None had any idea the real reason was for… Harry had to smirk to himself as he reached up to turn the lamp off. He was probably going to use the oldest excuse there was when you get beat and didn't want anyone to know. Part of him knew he was becoming pathetic…

As he was half way to turning the light off he saw two shadows on the wall across from him that weren't normally there. Quickly turning to find out what was causing the shadows and reaching for his wand Harry found Hedwig and Pig perched on his windowsill, both watching him as he moved. Their eyes staring at his injures he had re-covered. Harry could have sworn he saw Hedwig's eyes flash with Pig's. They were holding letters addressed to him in their beaks waiting for him to take them.

Harry Moved as quickly as his body would allow on unsteady legs and as he moved his body cried out for him to lie down, but he went to them and collected the letters in their beaks. He gave both of them a pat on the head and fetched them treats from his closet. As he passed his bed he laid the letters down. Silently he gave them their treats and fetched them water. When he had finished attending to the two of them and they were happily drinking at their shared drink, and for once Hedwig was not giving Pig looks of disapproval, Harry went back to the two letters sitting on his bed that he found were from his friends Ron and Hermione.

As Harry finished reading both letters his skin became pale and his stomach again twisted asking, demanding, to be drained of all its contents. Harry could no longer hold back from its request and obliged to its demand, lunging to his trash bin. After a few moments he fell backwards and could only just lie on the floor looking to the ceiling and watch as the two owls flew around the small room hooting, upset because he had just been sick in the trash bin.

Hedwig landed by his side and Pig landed a little further away from Harry watching, silently bouncing toward his less injured leg. Hedwig hooted softly, comfortingly, and jumped to Harry's chest. Looking down at him, Harry saw that there was worry in her eyes.

Softly smiling up at her Harry scratched under Hedwig's beak for a moment. "I'm alright… I had just forgotten that today was my birthday."

**END OF CHAPTER ONE (1)**

**A/N: **Wowzaa! Okay so I went over this story top to bottom and the first chapters just weren't clicking… Like "_click click click_ this is an awesome story!" (Which is _never_ a good thing when the later chapters are awesome but the first chapters are suuuuck) SO I decided to go over it again… But this time I'm able to just fly right through because I finally, finally, FINALLY figured out what **I **feel was lacking from the story and had readers walking away after chapter one. I hope I fixed this little problem I was having and I hope I can get some more people interested in this story! Any feedback, comments, or helpful/kind reviews are always appreciated and very welcome! I wanna know what everyone thinks and if I fixed any issues the story was having :D

Small warning for you guys my grammar is on the not on the so good side and I am on the non-beta side of writing so any mistakes you see, totally my fault so please don't hold that against me to terribly much! It's just me getting too caught up in the story and wanting to post right quick for you guys and even though I go over the chapters so many times BEFORE and AFTER I put them up some stuff does slip through unnoticed... Sorry to anyone it bugs but I do try really hard to catch the BIG mistakes cause trust me, I have that same problem when I read a story and there are mistakes ALL over the place!

**R&R!**


	2. Chapter 2

_**Summary: **_Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts is filled with taunting dreams and dark secrets. Sirius' death fresh in his mind and bleeding in his heart, he finds his body taking the abuse for his pain as he blames himself. Harry Potter has fallen on hard times and this time he is not able to stand back up on his own, doesn't have the strength to stand back up on his own. How will he ever find his strength again to continue to battle against Voldemort whose power is growing at a rapid rate? Plus who is this new transfer student in Slytherin house that is following Harry around? A beautiful new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has also come to Hogwarts, but the question remains will she make it through the year or does this teacher have a secret agenda like all the others. Is Harry going to have to fight for his life as well as his friend's lives yet again this year with his will teetering over the edge about to fall? Find out in the story _**Longing to be Found**_.

_**Disclaimer: **_I do not own any characters, ideas, or location's, found in the _**Harry Potter**_ universe, it is property of J. K. Rowling, and found in movies produced byWarner Bros. The storyline concept for this particular fanfiction was created in the recesses of the twisted mind of this writer. I _do_ however own the two OC's (original characters) in this story so please do not copy them.

_**Warnings: **_DARK! Contains mature content and adult themes not suitable for young children. Slash **(male/male relationships ****beyond**** friendship; also known as yaoi)**, non-con **(rape)**, strong language, PWP at times, self mutilation, self gratification **(masturbation)**, OOCness, AU…

_**YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!...**_

_Rated:__M/NC-17  
_ _Drama/Angst_

_**Longing to be Found…  
By: TwilightKitsune1**_

**Chapter Two (2)  
- Lost Thoughts - **

Harry laid in the bed as the sun began to rise, its ray's casting a small amount of light into the room from the slightly open window. His mind was devoid of its normal ramblings and congested thoughts that ran ramped in his head like they did during his waking hours. He only lay there listening to the chirping of the birds and the clucking of the hens and roosters as they trotted about outside looking for food. Down stairs the smell of food wafted up to him so he could smell the delicious breakfast Mrs. Weasley prepared for the family and for him. Granted he wasn't hungry he was probably going to be forced to eat something, three courses of something. As he was lost in his musings of how sick he was going to be after he finished breakfast he heard Ron begin rolling around in his bed, followed by a slight grunt. Harry looked over at his friend for a moment then looked back at the roof trying to keep his mind on less troublesome thoughts. He realized after a few moments that the harder he tried to not think of them the more the darker thoughts came unbidden him.

Deciding against staying in the bed and suffering with his thoughts he quickly rolled out of bed. As he stood up he looked down at the rib he could still see sticking out at an odd angle. Running his fingertips over it for a moment he couldn't help but grimace when he felt it. Ron had asked about it when he had seen it and Harry had casually played dumb, as though he hadn't noticed when it happened which caused Ron to just gawk at him as if he had just clammed to be invincible against all harm. The only other injures that still bothered him was his elbow, getting stiff at random intervals in time or hurting so bad that he is unable to move it hardly. However, as he stayed with the Weasley's the more and more he had to act as if it didn't bother him and the injury was gradually getting worse, Harry knew.

Rubbing it slightly Harry could feel the slight tendrils of pain beginning to shoot up and down his arm. Deciding to move it a bit he began extending it then pulling it back to him. As he moved it around he heard Ron's grunt again meaning Ron was close to waking. Quickly he collected his shirt that he had thrown down the previous night before he had gone to bed and put it on rolling his sleeves down halfway mainly so that it would cover his elbow that was beginning to swell again, so not to attract unwanted attention from anyone else in the Weasley household. He gave one more look at Ron as he puckered in his sleep, and then walked out of the room. He'd let him sleep a little longer before they all went to Diagon Ally to get the years equipment for school.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXx – In Diagon Alley - xXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

Harry, Ron, and Hermione, who had met up with them in the Leaky Cauldron, walked the familiar cobbled streets of Diagon Ally together as everyone else fetched there own things. The street was not nearly as packed as it would be in the later part of the day so it was easy for the three to maneuver between or around the people. The air was filled with all kinds of different smells, so much that no one smell was discernable from the mass amount of them. Most of the stores seemed near empty, as the employees of the businesses did the final checks and cleaning. Some of the people just bypassed the stores and headed straight for Gringotts or to some of the cafes that were open. As they passed Floren Fortescue's Ice Cream Parlor, Floren Fortescue himself waved at them as they passed by the store and mouthed for them to come by later. The three of them nodded and continued walking down the street.

"So have you gone to Gringotts yet Harry?" Hermione asked interrupting the pleasant conversation they had been having.

"No, not yet, I need to stop by there before I go shopping for the school supplies." Harry said looking to the two of them. "You guys can go ahead of me if you want."

"Well I have wanted to check out the Quality Quidditch Supplies to see if they've gotten anything new in." Ron said looking down the street towards the Quidditch store.

"I was thinking of checking the book store since my parents have already given me money, plus a little extra for a new book of my own, but if you want we can go with you?" Hermione shot in looking to Harry waiting for his reply.

"Geez Hermione is that all you think about?" Ron tossed in looking slightly scandalized at Hermione's thirst for books.

"I'll have you know Ron, wanting a little extra knowledge just happens to be useful. Especially now a days with what's going on." Hermione shot at Ron with a glare.

"No. I'll just meet you guys later then." Harry replied with a smile as the two tried to win the topic of conversation with glares at each other, and then asked, "Where are we going to meet up then?"

They thought for a moment and then Hermione replied, "How about we meet in the book shop since I'll probably be in there a while."

Ron looked affronted for a moment and then turned to Hermione, "I am going to the Quidditch shop so I'll probably be _there_ for a while too you know!"

They just glared at each other again before Harry decided to break them up before they got into a full out fight right there on the street, "How about this, when I'm done at Gringotts I'll go over to the Quidditch shop since I need to get some things there and then when Ron and I have finished up there we'll head over to the book shop and find you. Does that sound alright?"

Both Ron and Hermione nodded and smiled since now neither were going to be cut short in their browsing, "Alright then." Hermione said as she turned and began towards the book shop.

"See you later then mate." Ron happily replied and bounded down the street towards the Quidditch store.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

As Harry reached Gringotts he had to stop and marvel at the snowy white building towering above all the little shops in Diagon Ally. A goblin stood beside its burnished bronze doors wearing a uniform of scarlet and gold. Harry walked up the white stone steps and looked to the goblin standing by the door. He remembered when he had first seen goblins, how he was only a head taller then they were, now though he was far taller then them. As Harry walked past him the goblin bowed him in as he does with everyone who enters, and Harry went through the second door that was silver without even looking at the engraving as he went.

Harry walked a little ways inside and watched the goblins helping a few people that were already getting their money from vaults. As he stood there watching he noticed a familiar goblin walking towards him with a friendly smile on his face. "Hello again mister Potter."

"Griphook, it's good to see you again… I'm surprised you remember me since so many people walk in." Harry said

"Yes, but I do have a good memory, besides how can I forget mister Harry Potter?" Griphook replied. "The true honor is to be remembered by you."

Harry smiled at Griphook and looked around the building. He desperately wished that they could talk of something else or that Griphook was called somewhere else, but it was a wish he knew would not be granted since he was talking to someone, namely Harry Potter. As he stood there he smelled oil of some kind, probably used to shine the money, he heard clanking of jewels being weighed in the scales. His thoughts turned to the thoughts of earlier, to be forgotten by everyone who looked to him as a savior, as a hero, as the one who lived, and to just disappear from everything.

He was brought out of his thoughts when Griphook spoke up, "So mister Potter will you be withdrawing anything today. If you would like I could take you down to your vault."

"Yes, thank you Griphook."

"We'll have to wait for a moment since all the carts are in use at the moment. If you don't mind sitting over there for just a few minutes then I'll be right back with you." Griphook said, showing Harry to a wooden seat and then walked off to another goblin.

As Harry sat there he became lost in his thoughts again. They were flowing endlessly, unstoppable in his mind. All of them circling around death, Sirius's death, Cedric's death, his death…Harry could see himself, blood trickling down endlessly in a crimson river, he could feel his life slip away from him, the him that was in his mind's eye. Quietly, peacefully, gracefully... He was letting go of life, of any hope of going on in the journey that was called life. An unwilling hero in the time of war which is all he had ever been, all he was now. He wanted to know who his parents were, to live with them and Sirius, to have gotten his name cleared before he died. That is what Harry wanted, all he wanted… but it was rare for Harry Potter to get anything remotely close to what he wanted, rarer in fact for him to be happy.

So lost in his thoughts he didn't notice that someone was walking towards him. He returned to his senses when he saw black shoes stop in front of him. Thinking it was probably Ron or someone from Hogwarts he looked up with a smile of greeting on his face. When he realized it was someone from Hogwarts but not someone he greeted with a smile it slid from his face to a guarded look and he quickly stood.

"Malfoy," He snapped.

"Why if it isn't Potter. What's the matter, did you run out of money and thinking of a way to get some. Perhaps you can sell your autographs, though people would probably give you anything since the Dark Lord is back." Draco seethed to Harry. "I don't see your mudblood friend or that weasel anywhere. Did they finally wise up and leave your sorry arse."

Harry's fist's clinched and he was about to counter him when someone walked up behind Draco. "Draco, don't speak to lower class rift raff." Said the woman who Harry had seen only once at the Quidditch World Cup. He recalled her name was Narcissa Malfoy, Draco's mother. However there seemed to be something different about her then when he first saw her.

He bit his tongue and he saw Griphook walking back to him quickly, as if knowing that something was about to happen. "Mister Potter a cart is now available for you sir." As he spoke Narcissa walked away, summoning Draco to follow her.

As Harry followed Griphook he looked back to the retreating Malfoy's and saw that Draco had looked back at the same moment and their eye's connected for a second before they broke the connection and continued going in their own directions.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

A shrill whistle woke Harry from his thoughts. Looking around he found himself in a compartment on the Hogwarts Express alone. Though he could not remember when he had become lost in his thoughts, he did remember leaving the burrow. After that though there was nothing but himself and his jumbled thoughts. He didn't even remember the journey to the Hogwarts Express, or when he had arrived, or even when he had sat down in the compartment alone. He began to wonder where Ron and Hermione had disappeared to since he vaguely recalled sitting and listening to their bickering at the burrow all the way to the platform. As he stood and headed towards the door the two he had intended to look for waltzed into the compartment, both with smiles on their faces.

"Hey there mate." Ron said moving into the compartment and sitting down beside the spot Harry had been previously occupying. "Where were you off to?"

"To look for you two actually…" Harry replied, slightly confused as to why they were both smiling. "Did something happen?"

"No, no, nothing happened. We just…uh…" Ron began to get red behind his ears.

"So Harry," Hermione jumped in, "Are you feeling any better? You've been in a sort of daze for the past week… Like you're there one minute listening fully to what's going on and then you're gone."

Harry smiled at her. He didn't mean to worry her, didn't mean to worry anyone, but by the look she was giving him obviously showed her worry… he wondered how many more people were worried by his recent behavior. "I'm fine Hermione, I've just had a lot on my mind is all and haven't been able to sleep all that well. I'm sorry I worried you guys."

Ron and Hermione nodded, knowing he'd talk about it when he was ready to talk about it, and if it were important they trusted him to tell them. Hermione sat in the seat across from Harry's as he took his seat again and the three of them went into friendly conversation to make the time go by quicker. As they were talking of the coming school year their conversation turned to the years Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher.

"I wonder who it'll be… Do you think Dumbledore got Lupin to teach again?" Ron said hopefully.

"Don't be stupid Ron," Hermione said looking at him. "If they had then we would have found out with how many time he has visited the burrow to check up on Harry…" she stopped and looked to Harry not wanting him to think that everyone had been watching him. Even if they were.

Pretending he didn't notice her gaze Harry continued where she had left off, "Yeah Hermione's right, plus if he had, now that everyone knows he's a werewolf there would be angry letter's and skeptical parents that would be worried about their children… kind of like last year when everyone thought me and Dumbledore were loony."

"Yeah your right, I just hope it's no one like Umbridge. That was a bloody nightmare that was." Ron said looking out and gazing at the passing scenery.

Harry and Hermione both grinned at one another and looked at Ron. "She was but now that the Ministry knows Voldemort's back there shouldn't be anymore problems."

Not long into the train ride Ron and Harry started playing wizards chess and Hermione began where she had left off in the _Standard Book of Spells, Grade Six_. As Harry watched his queen give a valiant battle with Ron's knight, their compartment door opened and Neville Longbottom walked in. "Hey guys." He said looking at them.

"Hey Neville." Ron and Harry replied simultaneously, not really looking up to greet him having become too absorbed in their game.

Hermione looked up from behind her book at Neville, "Is something wrong Neville?"

"No I was just wondering how your summers were… and if it was okay if I sat with you guys for a bit." Neville asked nervously, worried they would tell him to go away.

Hermione noticed this and invited him to sit with her. "It will give me someone to talk to while they play their game." She lied with a friendly smile. She really wished she could have finished that chapter; it had been getting really good.

Neville smiled happily and plopped down next to Hermione since Harry and Ron were taking most of the seat they were on due to the board being between the two. Soon Hermione and Neville were talking about Herbology and the rare plants that are hard to care for and what potions they would be better used for, as Harry and Ron began their fourth match. Time seemed to pass quicker with the four of them in the compartment and Hermione soon forgot that Neville had interrupted her book.

A little later their compartment door slid open again, though this time they completely ignored it until they heard the silky voice of Draco Malfoy. "Well, well, well, look who it is, Scarhead and his followers. I'd have thought that they'd have gone to Hogwarts over the summer, to scared to show their faces in the open you know… with _strange_ people lurking about."

Harry and Ron both turned and stood up quickly, their game forgotten, as they looked daggers into Draco. Unaffected by their threatening looks he just smirked and looked at them casually, "I didn't come here to fight –"

"Then sod off Malfoy!" Ron demanded, his glare promising a slow and painful death if he stayed, his hands already in fists.

Harry was standing behind Ron, prepared to grab him if he tried to lunge at him, Hermione following Harry's lead and finally standing up. Neville, not liking any sort of conflict, seemed to shrink back into the compartment wall, a distance away from those who were ready to fight. Malfoy, sensing the seriousness of the situation backed up only far enough so if anything happened Crab and Goyle could handle it. Though he knew Harry would grab the weasel before anything happened, unless of course he went to far like he had last year. Just thinking about last year made Draco's blood boil. He had been the one to start it, everyone knew it, that bitch could have just given Potter more detentions but no she had to take away his only damn rival on the field.

"Touchy as usual weasel, tell me, has your family lost their house yet?" Malfoy said, not flinching because he saw Harry grab his arm as he tried to move forward to attack him. He caught Potter's slight wince as he bent his elbow.

Harry, expecting Ron's lunge, had used his reflexes to catch him with out thinking. His elbow felt as though a dagger was going through it all of a sudden but he straightened his face quickly, hoping Malfoy didn't catch the pain that he showed for that split second. Hermione thankfully joined in the struggle to hold Ron back screaming, "HE'S NOT WORTH IT RON!" as he struggled against them both. Harry's elbow was screaming and he could feel it wanting to let go… he had to think fast.

"You better hold him back Potter, who knows what might happen." Draco said, coming even closer.

"Don't worry Malfoy I know exactly what would happen. He'd beat your face in and get in trouble for something that needs to be done." Harry answered, hoping Draco would just walk away.

"That's what you think isn't it Potter… tell me, how's your dog doing?" Draco sneered at Harry, laughing as he walked away, leaving the compartment.

Harry let Ron slip and he ran to the now empty compartment door. Looking down the hall Ron yelled, "Yeah, you better walk away!" and slammed the door. "Bastard." And turned to Harry.

He now wore a pained expression on his face though it was not because of his elbow, it was his heart. It screamed, it cried, it wailed; it did everything to get the pain to go away, but it wouldn't… Harry knew that it might never go away. Harry knew he'd live with the guilt of having lead his own godfather into a trap that was set for him… A trap that coast Sirius his life.

"You should have let me hit him." Ron muttered as he sat back down, watching Harry sit down without a word. They returned to their game, neither truly paying attention to it, as Hermione looked to a nervous Neville. "I suppose the year's already started hasn't it." She said with a small, forced, smile.

Neville nodded to her. "I suppose… actually I was wondering Harry, you think you be doing more of the DA this year? I really learned a lot from you last year and I was hoping that we would do it again this year. Gram was really proud with how much I had learned and I think I actually saw a tear of joy… though it was probably my imagination." Neville finished a slight embarrassed blush.

Ron and Harry looked at each other. Ron shrugged to Harry, and then Harry looked at Hermione as she gave a sigh. Harry looked to Neville and answered, his voice seeming distant to him. "If the teacher doesn't teach us then _maybe_, but if they are a good teacher then you learn from them and if you ever need any help learning something then I'll help you…" Harry finished feeling like he had just signed up for a lot of extra work. He could tell all ready that this year maybe one of his worst one's yet.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXx - With Draco - xXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

He walked further down the train, not really paying attention to anything around him. His mind was frazzled and not seeming to want to comprehend anything around him. He had struck Harry low, lower then he had meant to but he should be proud to knock the wonder boys pride down a notch or several… though there was something telling him he had struck to low, even for him. He turned to the two bumbling buffoons that were following him. "You think you could give me a moment, go somewhere else and bother someone. It's annoying being followed by you two all the time. I do need thinking room you know." Draco shot at the two. Not even staying long enough to enjoy their shocked expressions he continued down the aisle.

He could smell the bits of food that the old witch had in her cart, and the food that had already been bought from her. There were so many scents of spices wafting around that there was no one scent. People were talking and all the voice's seemed to be melding together as he walked, his feet carrying him quickly down the aisle toward his destination. As he reached the last compartment he heaved a sigh. If he was upset then he'd be able to tell. The Malfoy cool was needed in this situation. Getting his emotions under control he opened the compartment door… "Damn it Blaise, if you two are supposed to be secret you could seal the door like decent people." Draco drawled in a bored voice, a hint of annoyance lay underneath.

When Draco finished speaking Blaise gently let the red headed girl's legs hit the floor after they had unwrapped from around his waist. A soft, feminine laughter filled the compartment as the two quickly re adjusted their clothing. As Blaise turned he wiped off the lip gloss that had obviously come from the girl that had been in the process of pleasuring Blaise in all ways before they arrived at Hogwarts. "Then you should knock Draco. Me and Ginny got bored waiting for you and had to find ourselves some entertainment." Blaise said to Draco, wrapping his arm around Ginny and squeezing her close to him as she re buttoned her shirt.

As Draco looked at the obvious erection in Blaise's pants he raised an eyebrow to them. "I can leave so you two can finish enjoying your 'entertainment'."

Ginny gave Draco a smirk and then turned to Blaise. "I'll leave you two boys to talk." Standing on her tiptoes she kissed Blaise on the cheek. "I'll see you later though." And with that she left the compartment, sliding the door closed slowly, somehow seductively.

Blaise dropped to one of the compartment seats with a frustrated groan. "Damn, I so wanted to finish that… you will not be able to believe how talented she is. I mean she is really well known to the male population of Hogwarts. Even to the Slytherins and for good reasons. I think she is actually one of the best. I'm just glade Harry never took a liking to her."

Draco's heart wanted to sink when he heard Potter's name and he desperately wanted to throttle Blaise for reminding him of what he had done not to long ago. He sank beside Blaise on the seat and just looked at him with a bored expression. "You are a very sad man Blaise." But in truth he was jealous of him. He could say Potter's name, speak to Potter on neutral terms, hell he was fucking one of Potter's close friend's sister and she could probably bring him home and they wouldn't put up too much of a fight… just to be able to have a peaceful moment with Potter, that is like a dream Draco knows will never come true.

Blaise smirked at Draco, "Don't worry Draco; I'm sure if you ever get with someone seriously then they'll have talents that will make you…" Blaise groaned just thinking about some of the things he and Ginny had already done. Shaking himself back to reality he looked to Draco and placed a hand on his shoulder. "So how have you been this summer, I kind of lost contact with you near the middle of it when things, if I remember correctly, were heating up at your place?"

Draco almost let his exhaustion slip from his hold but he held it fast and just looked at Blaise. "I don't see how mother loved that man… I was mostly comforting her with father in Azkaban and the Ministry searching the Malfoy manor. Nothing much to talk about."

"Or there's not much you _want _to talk about." Blaise said for him. "Fine don't tell me, but sooner or later you really are going to need to talk to someone… and it better be me cause what are friends for."

"Whatever you say Blaise." Draco drawled out, enjoying the fact that he wasn't alone. He finally had someone next to him after a lonely summer of nothing _but_ problems.

"Speaking of Harry," Blaise said, something hidden under his voice.

"Shove it Blaise." Draco said, leaning back to relax.

"Fine…" Blaise sighed, knowing he wouldn't get to see Ginny until later that night. He'd have to relieve himself soon due to the fact that it was really starting to become uncomfortable, but he wasn't going to pull it out and finish the job while Draco was here or conscious. He was _not _going to start wanking in front of Draco; no guy wants to watch another guy satisfying himself.

Draco looked over to Blaise. He smiled knowingly and leaned over to Blaise's ear, "Do you want me to help you with that problem you seem to be having Blaise? I'll make you scream in ecstasy, complete rapture." And licked his earlobe.

Blaise smiled, "Never thought you'd ask."

This time the compartment was sealed and then the room was silenced so not to draw attention.

**END OF CHAPTER TWO!**

**A/N: **Another chapter done, some more of this tale told, what a joyous day it is. Okay, now enough with the crazy talk. I hope you guys enjoyed the story, it took me some time to finish and it turned out rather well. I am sure some of you have noticed small mistakes here and there but I do hope it's alright; I have no beta and tend to miss even the smallest of things. At this time I am working on multiple things, all having to have my complete attention but alas I only have so much with my ADD habits. Please review and tell me what you think; as always thanks for reading!

**A/N 2!**. . . And finished with the re- write! Sooo I realized I never mentioned this in the last **A/N** but when ever the **2!** Appears after the **A/N** it that means it's been edited (-fixing grammar and what have you-). I would also like to point out these re-writes are going a lot smoother then many of my previous re-writes, I'm so proud! Also don't forget to give me you lovely thoughts and if you spot things I missed don't hesitate to point them out for me. ((-Unless its punctuation advice cause then I'll just get confused… there really is no help for me there sadly…-)) Oh and if you ask for spoilers, I'm not telling sillies! You have to keep reading to find out, but I do so love to hear you guesses and if you're WAY off I'll tell you but I won't tell what's going to happen even if you ask super nice. It's the surprise that gets people coming back you know (-wink-)

!R&R!


	3. Chapter 3

_**Summary: **_Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts is filled with taunting dreams and dark secrets. Sirius' death fresh in his mind and bleeding in his heart, he finds his body taking the abuse for his pain as he blames himself. Harry Potter has fallen on hard times and this time he is not able to stand back up on his own, doesn't have the strength to stand back up on his own. How will he ever find his strength again to continue to battle against Voldemort whose power is growing at a rapid rate? Plus who is this new transfer student in Slytherin house that is following Harry around? A beautiful new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has also come to Hogwarts, but the question remains will she make it through the year or does this teacher have a secret agenda like all the others. Is Harry going to have to fight for his life as well as his friend's lives yet again this year with his will teetering over the edge about to fall? Find out in the story _**Longing to be Found**_.

_**Disclaimer: **_I do not own any characters, ideas, or location's, found in the _**Harry Potter**_ universe, it is property of J. K. Rowling, and found in movies produced byWarner Bros. The storyline concept for this particular fanfiction was created in the recesses of the twisted mind of this writer. I _do_ however own the two OC's (original characters) in this story so please do not copy them.

_**Warnings: **_DARK! Contains mature content and adult themes not suitable for young children. Slash **(male/male relationships ****beyond**** friendship; also known as yaoi)**, non-con **(rape)**, strong language, PWP at times, self mutilation, self gratification **(masturbation)**, OOCness, AU…

_**YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!...**_

_Rated:__M/NC-17  
_ _Drama/Angst_

_**Longing to be Found…  
By: TwilightKitsune1**_

**Chapter Three (3)  
- Meeting New Faces - **

The train screeched to a halt in Hogsmeade like it did every year and the students began to pile out. As Harry, Ron, and Hermione got off the train they heard the familiar yell of "Fir's years follow me!" coming from Hagrid as he walked, with his lantern held above him, down beside the train. They smiled and ran towards him to say hello before they headed toward the castle themselves. The night air was warm and had a slight breeze; the sky was clear and the moon bright. It seemed like a perfect night to return to the castle. '_And to the watchful, hero mongering, eyes of all those in that goddamn castle.'_ Came an unbidden thought to Harry's mind.

"Hello Hagrid." Hermione said as soon as they reached him.

"'ello you three. It's been a while, how you lot doing?" Hagrid asked his eyes on Harry.

Harry had to smile to himself, he should have known Hagrid would be worried about him. Harry put on his award winning mask that fooled most people into believing he was alright and smiled at Hagrid. "We're doing fine, how about you Hagrid?"

"Fine, fine… You three better get a move on it and get to the carriages before you have to jog to the castle." He said turning and walking back down the train continuing to call for first years.

"He's right, let's go." Hermione said and she began to head to the carriages, Ron and Harry following close behind.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX - XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

As they entered into the castle Harry's elbow was beginning to bother him again and he realized there was no way around the fact he had to get it checked out. Deciding what he was going to do and what he was going to say he continued with Ron and Hermione to the great hall, he would at least wait until after the feast to talk with Madam Pomfrey, or until she left the great hall. Besides as he smelled the food that was wafting through the halls from the kitchen his stomach was suddenly feeling empty.

As they passed the double doors into the great hall he saw all the students already inside, talking and laughing, or running up to friends that they probably hadn't seen all summer and giving them tight hugs. Harry knew it was because Voldemort had returned and everyone finally accepted it that these greetings were more heartfelt. Though all last year everyone had thought Dumbledore and he were barking mad since they held true to warning everyone that was around, all those in the wizarding world, that Voldemort had returned but not many had truly believed them until Voldemort had been seen in the Ministry. Since then people became afraid to step out of their houses, or stop having contact with those who they normally had contact with fearful that they would end up dead the next day.

People greeted Harry with a smile and a wave from a few but they didn't really keep a conversation going which was perfectly fine with him. Silently Harry took a seat at the Gryffindor table, his mind was on nothing but trying to see if Madam Pomfrey was in the great hall. He saw her sitting up at the staffs table having a conversation with Professor McGonagall. He'd have to wait, and hope that Madam Pomfrey didn't tell McGonagall about his injury after he showed her.

"Hey Harry…" Ron's voice cut through his thoughts, quickly pulling him out of his mind.

Blinking a couple of times to completely clear his thought, remembering with Snape in the great hall he had to be careful what he thought, what memories were on display in his mind. Even though he had continued to train himself in Occlumency over the summer he wasn't sure if he could block his mind completely from him yet. He looked to Ron, who was sitting across from him, and Hermione who was beside him, he saw their worried looks. "What's the matter guys?" Harry asked, trying to act as though nothing was wrong.

"Mate, are you sure you're alright? I mean you've been weird all summer and we're worried about you." Ron said, moving forward slightly.

"I'm fine, really I am." Harry replied, a small, confused but hopefully reassuring smile on his face.

"Harry, you should tell us if there is something, anything at all, bothering you… We are your friends and we want to help you whenever and with whatever we can." Hermione said, her face also showing concern.

"I would tell you if there was something wrong… but there's nothing to tell." Harry tried to reassure them. Though in his heart he screamed, he didn't want them to know, to worry. "I guess I'm just tiered, that's all… So who's the new teacher?" Harry asked finally looking at the new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher and completely changing the subject.

"Well no one knows who she is; in fact no one has ever seen her before… Ron figure's she's a veela because she, as Ron put's it, made him feel '_funny_'." Hermione said, giving Ron a disapproving glance.

"Well she's gotta be!" Ron said, trying to defend himself against her accusation and her condemning look.

"Sure she is… my goodness Ron, she's a _teacher_!"

"So, a lot of other people felt it when they saw her!... and it's not just her looks, I saw you blushing too."

"You're such a git Ron!" Hermione said, looking indignant.

"What do you think Harry?" Ron asked looking to Harry for support.

Looking at Ron and then giving a nervous smile to Hermione he looked back up to the staff table. Harry saw her and understood what Ron meant. She had shinning brown hair with a natural red tent to it, and it looked like it reached down to just past her waist when she stood. It had a few single braids running throughout it, they were small enough to accent it but there were not to many to where it looked like it was over powered by the braids; the hair that remained straight seemed unnaturally so. Her skin had a golden glow to it, as if she shinned with some hidden power that was humming. Her eyes were an amazing ice blue that had flecks of a jade green in them. She wore a tight velvet purple robe that clung to her body in all the right places. She was currently speaking to Dumbledore, and it looked as though it was a funny conversation since both were laughing and Dumbledore's eyes held a twinkle in them.

"So what do you think Harry?" Hermione asked, Ron looking expectantly at him.

"She is beautiful–"

"HA! I told you Hermione." Ron said, looking slightly proud of himself.

"—But she isn't a veela. Usually you instantly want to have them, to be with them, to penetrate them, and to have every inch of them sharing them with no one… but the only thing I'm getting from her is that she's powerful, magically, and that she is beautiful to the eye, but like any other person is beautiful to the eye. Nothing special." Harry said, just then realizing that he had completely missed the beginning of the feast. He had become so lost in analyzing the new teacher, before Ron had brought his attention back to them, that he had missed every word that Dumbledore had said. He poured himself some pumpkin juice trying to act as though he had known that there was food and drink around him.

Ron opened and closed his mouth in an amazing imitation of a goldfish for a few moments. He looked over at Harry to say something but his thoughts were thrown away as he saw Harry's face. He was confused and slightly curious but his eyes were looking towards the other table, the Slytherin table. "Mate, what's the matter?"

"Nothing… but it looks like Malfoy's upset about something…"

Ron and Hermione quickly turned and looked towards the Slytherin table. Harry was right about Draco, he did seem upset, in fact he didn't just seem upset he seemed to be furious. He was looking to the staff table, as if trying to will it to spontaneously combust. "I wonder what's wrong with him." Hermione whispered.

"Does it matter? If it pisses Malfoy off it must be good." Ron whispered to Harry and Hermione.

"Yeah…" Harry mumbled, finishing off his pumpkin juice. He couldn't shake the feeling that there was something between the new teacher and Draco, something he couldn't put his finger on… When he looked back up at the teachers table he saw that at some point Madam Pomfrey had left the great hall. "Well I think I'm going to head to the common room, do you guys know the password?"

"It's _silver snow_." Hermione said as she poured herself another glass of pumpkin juice.

"Do you want us to come with you mate?" Ron asked as he finished piling his plate with food.

"Thanks but no, I'll see you guys later." Harry said, and left quickly and hoped unnoticed. Harry wished he had noticed the food earlier since he was leaving with an empty stomach now but he had to speak with Madam Pomfrey tonight about his elbow. However, as he left he didn't notice the six pairs of eyes that watched as he walked to the exit, as he walked out of the great hall, or how they stared at the door long after it had closed.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX - XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

The hall was devoid of anyone else, and all Harry could hear were the students still in the great hall eating, and his shoes against the marble floor. When he was sure he was far enough away from the great hall he gripped onto his elbow and bit down on his lower lip so no sound would escape his mouth. The pain had begun to worsen, it had been since the last week of summer but he didn't want the Weasley's to worry about him so he kept quiet about it. Though he remembered once when it had almost been discovered that his elbow was badly hurt, when Ron had tried to wake him up one morning from one of his recurring nightmares with Sirius. Ron had grabbed Harry's arm and didn't even shake him before the pain had hit Harry, fully waking him in seconds, and clutching his elbow in pain. Ron had believed he had hurt him; thinking quickly Harry said that he had probably slept on it wrong at some point during the night, or banged it against something, but it didn't hurt to bad so he shouldn't worry. Ron, being who he is, told his mother about Harry's arm and she looked it over. Harry had to bite his tongue against the pain but was able to hold in his scream and when she had finished he said he needed to go get changed and ran for the bathroom with his clothes. After telling Ron that he would be quick, he silenced the entire room and screamed in complete pain and hit the floor writhing. He screamed like he was being tortured by the crucio curse, fell onto the ground and curled into the fetal positions. After a time he slowly stood up, his legs shaking from the pain, he un did the silencing spell and turned the water on… when he left the bathroom after fifteen or sixteen more minutes, no one was the wiser.

As Harry entered into the hospital wing he saw Madam Pomfrey walking around the beds with clean sheets, placing them at the foot of every one of the beds. "Madam Pomfrey…"

She jumped at the sudden interruption of the silence that had been complete in the room. "Oh Harry, what are you doing in here?" she sighed when she saw his hand griping his elbow, "The school year hasn't even begun Mr. Potter, and here you are coming to me to check your injuries… What seems to be the problem?" she asked, eyeing his elbow and walking towards him.

"Um… I hurt my elbow pretty bad this summer and I didn't want to worry anyone and since it was close to the school year I figured I could wait to see you…" Harry said quickly walking towards her and letting her grab a hold, thankfully not painfully, of his elbow.

She clicked her tongue as she looked at it and her eyebrows furrowed together making an upset and worried face. "Harry… How did you do this?" she asked, handing him a sleeveless shirt, "Change you shirt and wear this instead so I can get a better look at it, and do be careful." her voice was stern and she pointed her wand to a bed that made itself instantly. "Go over there and wait for me alright." Madam Pomfrey ordered walking towards the door.

"Madam Pomfrey, could this just be between us?" Harry asked, hoping that she said yes.

"Harry, normally I'd say yes… but you might have to wear a sling as it heals." Madam Pomfrey said. Her eyes looked to the door as if willing someone to walk through it. Closing her eyes she looked to Harry. "Change, I'll see if I can fix it in a night, but if I can't then I will have to tell both Dumbledore and McGonagall about your injury."

Harry nodded; he knew that the injury wouldn't be able to be hidden between the two of them. Now that he thought about it he should have gone to St. Mungo's Hospital when he had the chance. He nodded to her and headed over to where she told him to go. He had to have something done about his elbow, the year was just beginning and if it was bothering him this much now he didn't even want to imagine how much pain he'd be going through in a few more weeks, days even.

_**)-(_)-(_)-(_)-(_)-(An hour and a half later)-(_)-(_)-(_)-(_)-(**_

Madam Pomfrey finished the bandaging of his elbow and checked the hold. "I think that should do for now… You're lucky you've been taking care of it Potter or else you might have had to have it in a sling."

Harry smiled. He could tell that she had sent a message to McGonagall and Dumbledore when she had gone to her office earlier but his elbow only had a slight twinge to it now, barely noticeable. His mind was working better as well since there wasn't searing pain to draw his attention away from the world around him. As he sat there he smiled to Madam Pomfrey. "So my elbows going to be alright now? It's fixed?"

"Not completely, but you will be able to move it freely, the pain will no longer be a problem, but don't over work it Potter or I will put you in that sling." She said standing up. "Take this, one tablet a night for the next week and you should be fine."

"What about that potion you gave me?" Harry asked his stomach turning due to the potion she had told him to down in one gulp, which he had with out question and forced it to stay down. With it his arm felt, almost, like there was nothing wrong with it.

"You want more Potter?" she asked, laughter in her eyes as Harry quickly shook his head. "Well then don't worry. Those tablets are almost as strong as that potion; they are made of the potion but solidified… But you won't have to have the terrible taste in your mouth after you take it. Unfortunately it's not as strong as the potion."

As Harry was standing up to leave he grabbed his wand, waved it and smiled. The sleeveless shirt that Madam Pomfrey had asked him to wear while she looked over his elbow disappeared and was replaced with the shirt he had worn into the ward. When his shirts were changed he put his cloak back on. "I see your getting better with your wand Harry. I'm sure your teachers will be pleased to learn that."

Harry smiled for a second, scratching his cheek in embarrassment. "err… Thanks Madam Pomfrey."

She smiled and waved her wand at the sleeveless shirt that Harry had been wearing and it disappeared. "Well–" Madam Pomfrey said but was interrupted by the door opening and Professor McGonagall walking into the room with Dumbledore beside her.

"Potter, what happened?" McGonagall asked as she neared Harry.

"I got hurt over the summer and I just wanted Madam Pomfrey to check it before the school year began."

"How did you hurt yourself?" she asked, gently picking up his arm and pushing his sleeve back to see the bandaging.

"I fell off my broom when I was practicing for Quidditch during the summer… It wasn't hurting me to bad but it was probably because I was taking decent care of it." Harry replied, shielding his mind when he felt someone, probably Dumbledore, prying into his thoughts, into his mind. "It's the truth…" Harry said, looking directly at Dumbledore.

"I see…" Dumbledore said, his eyes concerned but accepting. _'I'm glad you continued your training in Occlumency.' _Dumbledore said as though right into Harry's mind.

'_Sir, how are we talking like this?'_ Harry said in his mind, hoping Dumbledore heard him.

'_Because we are users of Occlumency and using the mind, penetrating the mind, it is an easy feat.'_ Dumbledore explained.

"It's late Potter," McGonagall said unaware of the private conversation going on, "You should go to your dorm room and get some sleep."

"Alright then, thank you Madam Pomfrey." With that Harry walked out and headed toward the Gryffindor tower.

As he shut the door behind him he felt Dumbledore's attempts to penetrate his mind suddenly stop. He knew he was going to have to stay on his toes if he was going to keep his mind protected.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX - XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

Harry walked slowly down the hall, his black cloak billowing behind him, moving as if it were made of smoke. He could feel his mind slipping back into its normal depressing thoughts as he walked in a rhythmic pace. His eyes were looking forward but were unseeing and he didn't even know which direction he was going but he didn't care; he moved out of pure instinct. He knew the familiar paths of his "home"… _"Home…"_ Harry whispered to himself. What exactly made him feel like this place was his home… The answer to his question came to him, almost as if someone was whispering it to him, '_This place was his home because he was and is safe here. He's never been hurt here and all that he had to do here was learn to protect himself. He is safe here and has never been put in intentional danger… for the most part.'_

As he neared the portrait of the fat lady, he heard someone calling out to him from down the hall. Turning to greet who ever it was that brought him out of his thoughts. Thinking they were from his house and just getting in from doing what ever they were doing, he found himself face to face with a Slytherin. His mood instantly darkened and he became weary of the boy, teenager, in front of him.

He seemed normal enough, but Harry wasn't sure if he was older or younger then he was, and the boy actually had a friendly sense around him considering he was from Slytherin. He had shoulder length black hair that was straight and shined with the surrounding lights. His eyes were an amazing hazel that had a small bit of golden glow that didn't seem natural in them. His skin was a waxen color that seemed to glow in the light from the torches, and there were no blemishes or marks of any kind visible that Harry could see on his skin. He was a little shorter than Harry, and he was toned a little showing he was not lazy in the least. Looking at him standing there with a friendly smile some how made Harry feel inferior to him. In fact his uniform seemed as if it was made specifically for him. It clung in the places that were perfect to cling to, hung from the right places to hang from, and in fact made him look like a sex god. There were no words to describe what Harry thought of him, but a blush came to his checks unbidden by anything.

"Hello Harry Potter." The nameless boy greeted, pulling Harry out of his thoughts. Though the thoughts had been of a perverted nature.

"Who are you?" Harry was finally able to say, his weariness returning.

"It's Alex Mornass." He looked down the hall, and glanced around before he returned his attention to Harry. "I wanted to speak with you… and the headmaster if that's possible."

Harry stood there, confused about the request he stared at Alex for a moment longer. There was a slight sweat forming along his brow from an obvious worry, but from what Harry didn't know. As Harry was about to speak he did it, the one motion that Harry didn't even think he'd do. Alex's right hand reached up, as if by its own will, and clasped his left forearm. Harry didn't need to ask him why he did what he did. Harry knew that Alex's hand had instinctively clasped a dark mark. It was the symbol of being a loyal and devoted follower of Voldemort himself. This boy could very well be a Death Eater even if he was young. Harry's hand moved as instinctual as Alex's had and grasped his wand. He would not be caught off guard, he refused to be. Harry was ready to jump into a dual should the other make any threatening motions.

His hand tightened and he looked at Harry pleading, "Please, I need your help."

Harry stood there and looked at him, "With what?"

'_The walls have ears… I need to speak with both you and Dumbledore.'_ The boy pleaded in Harry's mind.

As Harry was about to reply and ask him how he knew how to speak in people's minds they heard footsteps coming from the other side of the hall. Thinking quickly Harry grabbed Alex and maneuvered them to a secluded corner with Harry's back to the light. They looked as if they were having an intimate moment. The steps continued after stopping for a moment. Both were positive that who ever it had been had stopped to look at them. When they were sure the person was gone Harry looked at Alex, and if it hadn't been so dark Harry would have sworn that Alex was blushing. "Alex, I think we should meet somewhere where we won't get eased dropped on."

Alex deftly nodded his agreement, his hands gripping the robes on Harry's chest and his head was slightly buried in Harry's shoulder. He pulled back and Harry stared at him, his eyes dropping to Alex's lips, and even though he wasn't looking at Alex's face Harry could swear he was doing the same. "You should probably–"

Harry was interrupted when Alex's lips crashed against Harry's. Harry wanted to fight him for only a moment but then the thought of putting up any fight was thrown out of his mind. He couldn't stop himself. Harry's body was reacting on it's own as his tongue slowly began to slip out and slowly run along Alex's bottom lip. Alex's mouth opened with no hesitation, no resistance. Harry's hands began to slide down Alex's sides, one moving to his arse, the other stopping at his hip. Alex moaned wrapping one arm around Harry's neck pulling him closer to deepen the kiss, as the other went into his hair. Their kiss was become frenzied with passion.

Harry could feel himself getting excited; he could also feel Alex's excitement pushing against his hip ever so slightly. As Harry was trying to gather his composure and his will power to pull away and stop this Alex rolled his hips, grinding their growing erections suddenly together. Harry heard himself groan. This was torture, complete torture.

Harry felt one of Alex's hands move down, his hand racking his nails over Harry's shirt, as if trying to claw the offending cloth off of Harry's body. When Alex reached the end of the shirt he slipped his hand underneath it and moved it back up, his fingers ghosting over Harry's skin. Alex's hand stopped at Harry's nipple and he began to play with it, rolling and pinching it between his fingers. Their tongues continued to battle first in Alex's then in Harry's, fighting for supremacy. One of Alex's legs rose, wrapping around Harry's waist tightly and the other soon followed.

With Alex now pinned between Harry and the wall he moaned into the kiss and rolled his hips again and again, begging Harry to take him in both their minds mind. Harry heard him and wanted nothing more then to comply with Alex's demand. Harry pumped against Alex, slamming him into the wall and his erection making Alex whimper and his nails dig into Harry's skin.

'_God Harry!... I want you; I want you to fuck me! Please!' _Alex begged in Harry's mind.

Harry wanted it too, he wanted Alex so bad that he completely forgot that they were in the Gryffindor hall and Alex was a Slytherin. He forgot that earlier Alex had grabbed his left forearm where the dark mark should be. Harry forgot about all of that and all he cared about at this moment was that he wanted this boy, he wanted him more then he had wanted anything before.

Harry's hand reached up to Alex's shirt and he quickly began unbuttoning it, breaking the kiss Harry moved down Alex's neck, nipping at any piece of skin his mouth meet. As Harry reached Alex's nipples he took one of them into his mouth, nibbling and sucking, rolling it with his tongue; just playing with it to hear Alex and all the noises he would make. His legs gripped Harry harder and he rolled his hips again, causing friction between their growing erections.

So lost in their bliss that they failed to hear the footsteps that were coming towards them; and they weren't the leisurely footsteps from earlier.

They were pulled away when a hand was placed on Harry's shoulder and a soft cough was heard, their paradise of passion was lost in that instant. Harry quickly released Alex and his legs slid down Harry's sides and quickly he pulled his shirt together and begun to re-button it; straightening his clothes as Harry did the same. They were now faced with a disapproving Professor McGonagall and when she got a good look at them her disapproving look turned to shock. "Harry, what are you doing, I thought you knew better then this! To think one of my Gryffindor's would be doing something so… so… and in the hallway no less!" she looked at Alex, "And you're a new student here right? Well I don't know how they ran things in your old school but around Hogwarts these things are _not _acceptable."

'_Professor, you have to understand, we were talking about order business. He was asking for our help and someone was coming so we had to hide… then I guess things kind of… got out of control.'_ Harry explained to McGonagall inside her mind. He knew it was a weak fight but it was the truth.

She gave them both disapproving looks then spoke, "Alex, return to your house."

"Y-yes ma'am." Alex said, giving Harry a glance that promised they'd meet up again later and left.

"Harry… I'll want an explanation later, for now go to your dorm room… there will be no points taken but you now have two weeks detention, and they will be served with Professor Snape… and no lip. Now, off to bed with you." McGonagall finished.

As Harry was walking away he couldn't help it he wanted to know, he pierced McGonagall's thoughts. '_I don't believe this… with a Slytherin… Dumbledore will not believe this…'_ Harry let go of her thoughts and walked to the fat lady's portrait.

"Well, well, well, look at that, can you believe it, Harry Potter has a thing for his own team." She commented when he got there. "So who was it, obviously they aren't from this house so which one is it?"

He spared her a glance then said, "Silver snow" she swung forward and he walked past her completely ignoring what she was saying.

As he entered the common room no one was there and the fire was only embers… '_How late is it?'_ Harry though miserably, not really caring… He felt sick, like he was disgusting. How his body was reacting, how he had _enjoyed _himself made him want to hurl. He felt disgusting, like he was some kind of sick pervert. He didn't know what to do. Sure if Alex had been a girl he'd be fine but… Alex wasn't a girl. He wanted to hit something, to hurt something, to throw something. He wanted to get Alex's noises out of his head, how he was pleading with him to _fuck_ him, he wanted to forget that he had almost complied with what he wanted.

Slowly walking up the spiral steps and to the room that now said _sixth years_ going inside he saw that everyone was already asleep, but not really paying any mind to them he walked towards his bed. He was thankful that he didn't have to face anyone after what had happened. He plopped down on his bed not even caring if he changed clothes or not. There were tears building in his eyes, tears he didn't want to shed… he looked out into the night sky past the window pane from his bed. How he wished he could fly away… to fly far, far away from here, to a place no one knew him but that was impossible, everyone knew the boy who lived…

Not really thinking he waved his wand above a stray feather from his pillow case. The once pristine white feather turned into a shining silver blade. He didn't know how he did that, in fact he didn't even notice he did it in the first place. What he did notice was the blade slipping across his skin, his blood running down his skin like a red water fall. One slit, two slit, three slit, soon he lost count of how many he had done, the pain taking his misery and his blood. When he was satisfied he just sat there, the moon light shinning into his room making his injuries visible. He just sat there and watched, watched as his blood trickled down, soon coming to a stop and his arm was covered in dry blood. His pain was completely gone, his misery was completely gone, but the blood remained on his arm, staining it for the night.

**The End of Chapter Three (3)**

**A/N: **Well that's it for chapter three! So what did you guys think? I know, I know I said this is a Draco/Harry and people are probably like "WTF mate, whys Harry snogging an OC!" well to answer your question, story progression… plus I wanted some sweet, sweet man loving. Well now that that's said don't forget to review and tell me your guy's thoughts on the story so far, and as always thanks for reading!

_**A/N 2!**_. . . Chapter 3 re-write complete! So I was thinking of taking a break today and letting my juices recharge but I found myself reaching for the laptop to work on this story… I've said it once and I'll say it again, this is one of my favorite works. I really am just breezing right through the re-writes. Oh and I'm thinking of getting a LJ account, I had one a while back but alas I forgot all the info I had on it so it'd just be easier to start up a new one… Though I don't know how to work LJ so I'd need pointers, I'm not computer friendly in the least some times lol.


	4. Chapter 4

_**Summary: **_Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts is filled with taunting dreams and dark secrets. Sirius' death fresh in his mind and bleeding in his heart, he finds his body taking the abuse for his pain as he blames himself. Harry Potter has fallen on hard times and this time he is not able to stand back up on his own, doesn't have the strength to stand back up on his own. How will he ever find his strength again to continue to battle against Voldemort whose power is growing at a rapid rate? Plus who is this new transfer student in Slytherin house that is following Harry around? A beautiful new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has also come to Hogwarts, but the question remains will she make it through the year or does this teacher have a secret agenda like all the others. Is Harry going to have to fight for his life as well as his friend's lives yet again this year with his will teetering over the edge about to fall? Find out in the story _**Longing to be Found**_.

_**Disclaimer: **_I do not own any characters, ideas, or location's, found in the _**Harry Potter**_ universe, it is property of J. K. Rowling, and found in movies produced byWarner Bros. The storyline concept for this particular fanfiction was created in the recesses of the twisted mind of this writer. I _do_ however own the two OC's (original characters) in this story so please do not copy them.

_**Warnings: **_DARK! Contains mature content and adult themes not suitable for young children. Slash **(male/male relationships ****beyond**** friendship; also known as yaoi)**, non-con **(rape)**, strong language, PWP at times, self mutilation, self gratification **(masturbation)**, OOCness, AU…

_**YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!...**_

_Rated:__M/NC-17  
Drama/Angst_

_**Longing to be Found…  
By: TwilightKitsune1 **_

**Chapter Four (4)  
-The New Year Begins- **

Ron's violent shaking of Harry's shoulder was what woke him up the next morning after the interesting night he had had with Alex. Though he had suffered from a night filled with fitful nightmares he didn't want to get up just yet so his only reply to Ron was a muffled "mmph" into his pillows as he pulled the covers higher over his head. "Come on Harry get up, we have to go down to breakfast and get our schedules."

The only answer was a grumbled "'s to early… five more minutes," from underneath the pile of covers.

"Harry you didn't eat last night mate, you need to go down and get something. Plus you won't know your classes if you don't go get your schedule." Ron persisted. Getting tired of Harry's resistance he grabbed a fist full of Harry's blankets and yanked them off him and allowed them to land in a pile on the floor. "Get up Harry; I'll give you five minutes to dress before I send Hermione up." Ron said.

Harry again ignored Ron and just rolled over and continued sleeping. "Damnit Harry!" grabbing one of Harry's pillows he begun to beat him with it.

Shocked from the suddenly new violent Ron and the loss of his comfortable pillow, Harry tried to protect himself from the onslaught. "Ron!" Harry used his arm to deflect his next onslaught, "I'm up now I swear!"

"You sure? Last time I believed you when you said that you waited till I left and went back to sleep and wouldn't wake up till an hour and a half later." Ron said with the pillow still gripped tight in his hand and poised above his head; weary of his friend's drowsiness.

"Positive… When did you get so violent waking people up?" Harry said slightly moving away from his friend with the deadly weapon. It was also known as a pillow. Harry had not paid attention to how far he had moved and soon he found himself sliding off the bed. "OW!" Harry screamed as his tired and sleep deprived body found itself painfully on the floor.

As Ron finished with his bout of laughter he shrugged his shoulders and threw the pillow back on Harry's bed before he walked over to his own bed and sat down. He smiled to his childhood friend who was sitting on the floor glaring at him. "Just came to me, but it woke you up so now I think I may have found a new way of waking you up if the Hermione threat doesn't work."

"Not funny." Harry said as he stood up and took his shirt off and began his search for his clothes for today. As he looked his gaze drifted to the window he had been looking out last night.

The day, though just beginning, was already bright outside. The sky was a crisp blue with a few pure white clouds floating in the sky. The sun was casting a golden light in the sky, making it seem as if it were made of a light gold and a perfect blue mixed together. The owls were flying around outside, the few that were late getting back last night just returning as some brought mail to the students already in the Great Hall. The faint sound of birds chirping was heard just outside the castle walls. It was a beautiful morning to, hopefully, a good day. Harry sighed and continued on in his search for clothes.

"Hey Harry… Can I ask you something?" Ron said as his hands clasped together and he looked out the window Harry had been distracted by.

Harry stopped his search and turned to Ron. He had to smile to himself because Ron looked so nervous, as if the question was the most embarrassing thing to ask. "Yeah, shoot." He said as he walked over and sat across from Ron on his own bed.

"It's really stupid." Ron said, his ears beginning to blush and he refused to meet Harry's eyes.

Harry gave Ron a stern look, even though he couldn't see his friends face he hoped Ron knew that he wouldn't laugh or say that it was stupid. "What is it Ron?"

"?" Ron said in one rushed breath.

Harry gave Ron a confused look and smiled slightly, "Sorry mate didn't catch that, could you possibly say it again, and a little slower this time."

Still refusing to look at Harry, his ears beginning to burn blood red he repeated his question. "How do you… keep your body so well built?" he finished in a whisper but loud enough for Harry to hear.

When he had finished Harry's eyes were large and a small blush began to form on his cheeks. "Wha-what do you mean 'well built'?" Harry looked around uncomfortably. "Besides why are you asking me this all of a sudden?"

"No reason… just curious." Ron said standing up and walking a little ways away and finally turning to face Harry. "But you are well built Harry! I've heard girls in the halls talking about you, some blokes talking too… apparently from what they are saying your very 'hot, sexy, and extremely fuckable'."

Harry could feel his face burning at this point. "What do you mean?"

"I mean what I said, plus there's some interesting stuff too. Apparently, there is this list of whose 'hot, sexy, or fuckable' in the school and only ten people can make it onto these list. If you're on all three, which only five are allowed to be, then you make the 'Hot, Sexy, and Extremely Fuckable' list which is apparently really hard to get on… I found out that you made it onto that list and you rank second on it too, _and _you've been on it every year since you came to Hogwarts… Granted so has the guy who is in first place on them." Ron said the last sentence in a grumble and that caught Harry's attention even though he felt as though his face was about to explode into flames.

"Who's the first one? And there are girls on the list right?"

"Well yeah of course but there is a completely different list for girls and guys… And Malfoy is the first on the list, but it's a tight race between you two." Ron said matter of factly, it was a great impression of Hermione in Harry's opinion. "In fact the reason it's such a short list is because the entire girl population agrees who's who and who's on what. Most of the female population here, if not all of them, wants to sleep with all the people on the 'Hot, Sexy, and Extremely Fuckable guys in Hogwarts' list."

"Are you serious?" Harry asked not really wanting to believe what Ron was telling.

"Yeah…didn't you know?"

Harry violently shook his head, "I had no idea…"

Ron was about to say something when one of their fellow Gryffindors, Seamus Finnigan, walked into the room interrupting Ron. "Well he's not only liked by the female population here you know. He is well liked by the gay's here too. He is in fact neck in neck with Draco, almost better then him…" his eyes roamed over Harry's topless body and his pants that were hanging low on his hips. Seamus smirked as he looked Harry over, "but if you walk around the school like that I can guarantee that you'll be at the top of the list in no time and we'll all be after you… but I have first dibs right Harry?" he finished with a wink at Harry. "Keep those defined abs of yours eh."

Ron looked between the two of them and quickly grabbed Harry. "We'll see you later Seamus." Ron said before randomly picking out a shirt from Harry's trunk, a pair of pants, boxers, and Harry's cloak and lead Harry to the Gryffindor sixth year bathing area.

"You guys weren't serious were you?" Harry asked, finally remembering how to speak.

Ron gave Harry a sympathetic look and smiled "Sorry mate… I grabbed you some clothes so you can take a shower before we head down to breakfast if you want… I'll guard the door since everyone else already took one."

Harry smiled, Ron really was a good friend, '_Always looking out for me.' _Harry thought to himself. "Thanks."

_**)-(_)-(_)-(_)-(_)-(in the shower)-(_)-(_)-(_)-(_)-(**_

Harry just stood there as the water washed over his body. He always thought clearer in the shower, most people did. The conversation from earlier ran through his head. How could people think he was good looking? He was too scrawny, at least compared to others his age, and he didn't have 'defined abs' as Seamus had said. He had a normal stomach that had a shadow of a six pack, almost, and it barely showed anyway so it really couldn't be called 'defined'. His hair, only recently becoming controllable, used to always be messy and he could do nothing with it, still can't but at least now it didn't stick up at every angle looking like he rolled out of bed, threw clothes on and walked out. In fact the only thing he had going for him was his magic and even that wasn't as good as some of the people here, and his Quidditch skill… Nothing special really.

He closed his eyes. He was glad he had cleaned the wound and healed it last night before exhaustion had over taken him. That would have been difficult to explain to Ron if he had seen them. He was actually worried for a little last night when they weren't healing completely since a few had been too deep to heal easily. Thankfully they had become small enough for his body to heal them itself, now all that remained from what he had done last night were red welts that he could say he had an annoying itch and itched to hard.

He washed his hair with his hands as a few enchanted sponges, he had enchanted himself, moved around him scrubbing him with soap. His thoughts turned to Alex. That had been a mistake, and he'd tell him so this morning when he got into the Great Hall… but he'd have to use Legilimency instead of talking to him face to face so no one knew he was talking to Harry Potter just to make certain Voldemort didn't find out. A perfect plan, hopefully he was in the Great Hall.

He nodded to himself and was about to just stand in the warm water and relax when he heard Seamus and Ron outside… sighing to himself and not wanting Seamus to tackle Ron just to get into the bathroom so he could see Harry naked he turned the water off and went to dry off and get dressed. So far today seemed… interesting.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX - XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

Harry and Ron meet up with Hermione in the common room after Harry had finished his shower and was dressed in the clothes Ron had grabbed for him, thankfully they had been clothes he had been looking for earlier. "Hey Harry… What took you two so long?"

"Sorry Herm, Harry learned some… interesting news he didn't know before. He had to take a shower to clear his mind, you know."

Hermione nodded in understanding, still looking slightly confused _'What could he have learned… did he learn it last night… maybe something about Voldemort.'_ Harry heard her think. "Where were you last night Harry? Ron said you weren't in the boy's dorm last night and you weren't in the commons room. Did something happen?"

Remembering Alex again he told his friends what had happened last night with him, leaving out the last bit that was far too personal. "So what do you guys think?"

"I don't know Harry. You think he's just trying to get through you to get to Dumbledore?" Ron asked

For some reason the thought of Alex using him in that manner kind of bothered him slightly. "Maybe… but I don't know, he genuinely seemed like he needed help. If he does I can't leave him under Voldemort's control. It wouldn't be right and I'm not fighting Voldemort to keep myself safe; I'm doing it for everyone. You guys wouldn't be my friends and I wouldn't even be here in Gryffindor if I left people to their doom just to protect myself. I would be in Slytherin if I did that."

Hermione nodded, "I'll ask around about him and find out all I can. I hope your right Harry."

"Hermione, have some faith in Harry's judgment will you, I mean look at what he's done so far… Besides, I've got your back mate, you just worry about your front and I'll get the cowards that attack you from behind." Ron said with a smile.

Harry just smiled at them, they really were the best mates a guy could ask for. "I don't know about you but I'm starved."

"Well of course you are you didn't touch anything last night. You are going to have at least a plateful of something alright." Hermione said, her eye's flashing like a mother hen's does to her young.

As they walked to the Great Hall they had neutral conversation, mostly about Quidditch which left Hermione to stare and say random parts in the conversation and how it was not actually that interesting. Harry and Ron just ignored what she said and continued their Quidditch talk, correcting her if she tried to say a move of the game, normally mispronouncing it.

As they entered the Great Hall they all walked to the Gryffindor table, the Quidditch talk still going. _'Good morning Harry.'_ came a thought into Harry's mind as he was in mid sentence. He was pleased when he recognized it was Alex, he was also pleased with himself that he didn't miss a beat of what he was saying to Ron and Hermione. As Harry sat down he saw him sitting over at the Slytherin table talking with Blaise and Draco about something that, if you judged from Draco's facial expression, was incredibly boring.

'_Good morning Alex… Look, we need to talk about last night.' _Harry sent back. If he wasn't imagining it he could have sworn he saw Alex's eyes glance toward him then back to Blaise who was still talking.

'_What's the matter Harry? Look I'm sorry that I suddenly did what I did it just seemed to happen and my body was out of my control.'_

'_What about your thoughts?' _He could feel the slight blush in Alex's mind, but when he looked over to him his face was neutral, maybe a bit colder. _'You still listening?' _Harry asked as he piled a plate full of food so he could act like he was eating and get out of the verbal conversation he was having.

'…_Unfortunately yes. Look, I'm sorry about it, it's just that I am attracted to you and with how you reacted to my advances—'_

'_Look, I honestly didn't want to, it was like I couldn't control my body… I don't want to hurt you but I have no feelings, there is no attraction, and I'm not gay.'_

'_Then your bi, whatever. Look, I came to you for help, not a shag or a relationship. I can get one if I want one, but you don't have to act so fucking high and mighty.'_

'_Whose acting high and mighty!' _Harry thanked McGonagall as she handed him his schedule.

"So do we still have the same classes?" Ron asked as he compared his schedule to Harry's.

"I've got double potions." Harry said, sounding as if he were about to walk to his death.

"Sorry mate," Ron said with a sympathetic smile, "I got double charms."

"So do I," Hermione broke into the conversation.

Harry smiled as he watched them have a conversation, or rather argument, over "help" in the classes they had together. They were his good friends… did they think he was high and mighty?

Harry stood up, losing his appetite when he thought about himself and if people thought he was high and mighty, plus he had the joy of having a double potion class alone. "Well I'll see you guys later, lunch I guess."

"Aren't you going to eat any more Harry?" Hermione asked, eyeing the plate of food he had barely touched.

"With potions coming up next? Maybe if I get there early I can get a good seat, way in the back and Snape won't pick on me and be a prick."

"Good luck with that then." Ron said he still had the sympathetic smile in place.

"Yeah, see you guys later." With that he walked out of the Great Hall.

As he was walking to the double doors he took a quick glance over at the Slytherin table to see Alex, Blaise, and Malfoy still talking. He hoped he didn't have class with Malfoy, the other two were fine, bearable, but as long as he didn't have a class with Malfoy alone he'd be fine. Turning his head forward again he continued walking and left the Great Hall. Instead of going to the dungeons like he had told Hermione and Ron he headed to the boys bathroom so he could take one of the tablets Madam Pomfrey had given him for his elbow.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX - XxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

Making his way to the dungeon was uneventful and quiet, the silence had him sinking back into his thoughts that now circulated around Sirius, Alex, and whether or not people thought him to be 'high and mighty'. By the time he reached the dungeons there was already a group of students gathered around and waiting for Professor Snape to show up and let them in. They were all just standing and talking and as he neared the group of students he saw a familiar head of blond hair. As he heaved a sigh, cursing every god he could think of for not hearing or answering his prayer of not being in a class alone with Malfoy, he was spotted by said Malfoy since he began to speak to him.

"Well look who it is, if it isn't scar head without his weasel or mudblood." He drawled, drawing attention from everyone else gathered there.

"Sod off Malfoy." Harry said, not wanting to get into a fight with him before they had potions since Snape favored Malfoy.

"Touchy as usual, eh scar head?"

"Draco," Harry heard Alex hiss, "Professor Snape's coming, we can do something to him later." _'And no I'm not doing this to save you Potter, he actually is coming,' _Alex hissed into Harry's mind.

'_Still mad I see…' _Harry shot back at Alex then turned to see that Professor Snape was in fact coming down the hall.

Draco gave a threatening look to Harry before he turned his back on Harry and greeted Professor Snape. When Snape arrived he looked at the gathered group waiting for him, and Harry did the same since he wanted to know if he knew anyone in the class. Harry noticed that Anthony Goldstein, Terry Boot, Hannah Abbott, Mandy Brocklehurst and a few others but none of them close enough to Harry to actually talk to as if they were friends. Everyone there was a mix of the houses but Harry seemed to be the only Gryffindor there… Harry had a feeling today wasn't going to be as good as he had hoped.

Snape opened the dungeon doors and allowed the students to file into the classroom and sit at their desks. Since Harry, Alex, Blaise, and Draco were the last ones into the class room Harry had to sit at the front with Alex, as Draco and Blaise sat together.

'_Keep up the front of hating me because I'm Slytherin Harry.'_ Alex sent to Harry. "This is the only space open Potter so not a word."

'_You're still upset aren't you…?'_ Harry sent back, not really needing to ask since he had a feeling he already knew the answer. "Didn't even cross my mind to talk to a Slytherin." Harry pulled out his potions book, caldron, and the materials that were written on the board.

Harry was about to send something back to Alex but it was then Snape took the front and Harry didn't want him to know he learned how to communicate or even use Occlumency or that he was talking to a Slytherin, so he stayed silent as a hush went over the class. "I see a few students in here that I did not expect to see in here." Snape said looking directly at Harry when he finished the sentence. "However, this is a class for students who scored the highest on their O.W.L.s and wish to pursue the fine art of Potion making. That being the case the potions will be far more dangerous then they have been in the past years so there will be more rules that you are to follow to ensure yours and the others in the class's safety. I do not want to see poor potion making in this class or you will be punished for how poorly you did. The rules are stricter and are to be followed exactly as they are or else. I will re-iterate the rules for those to lame in the mind to remember and then set the new ones into place for this class."

It took the entire first half of the class for Snape to finish laying the new and old rules down for the student's, glaring at a few who spoke, interrupting him in his tirade. There were a few times when he spoke a rule he would sneer at Harry, or in his general direction for a moment and then turn back to his lecture. The new rules for this year were by far stricter then the previous ones he had in place, and Harry found himself wondering if the potions they were doing this year were really as dangerous and deadly as Snape was making them out to be. "This is the finest art in wizardry and also the most dangerous. One mistake and it could become problematic if you do not know how to fix it yourself. I am here to teach you, not hold your hand through the class." Snape finished and turned to the board, "Pair with a partner; it does not need to be the person you are sitting with if you have no desire to work with them. However, after today you are to sit with them for the rest of the year since they will be your partner till the end."

As he finished Harry saw in the corner of his eye Alex instantly went to Blaise. "Hey, work with me?" Alex asked

Blaise smiled at him and nodded his head before Draco could even open his mouth to protest. "Well that's just wonderful; who am I supposed to work with?" Draco whined as the two of them began talking.

"Oh come on Draco, we need entertainment, why don't you pair with Harry." Blaise said a large grin on his face.

"WHAT! I refuse to partner with Potter!" Draco shouted, his fist's clenched since Blaise knew his secret.

"I would never partner with Malfoy." Harry said in his own defense.

"I said get a partner, I did not give you leave to speak freely or shout." Snape said, shooting Harry a dirty look.

Lowering his voice Draco continued speaking to Blaise as people around the class continued finding partners. "I refuse to, it is a disgrace to the Malfoy name if I even consider—"

"So there is something left to disgrace in the Malfoy name?" Harry interrupted.

Draco locked eyes with Harry, promising revenge for the comment. "There is honor in the Malfoy name. There always will be and you will never know what respect the name of Malfoy gets. I do not have to be the headmasters pet, or take extra lesson's to pass the O.W.L.s with top marks.

"No? Well you do have to be a teachers pet or daddy's little boy to get anything." Harry sent back, his voice laced with venom.

Draco's eyes turned murderous and Harry met them unflinching. "One day Potter, you'll get yours."

In the end, while they had been bickering, everyone had gotten into groups leaving the two no choice but to pair up together. Draco was seething and Harry was livid when Snape had forced them to partner. Begrudgingly the boys submitted to Snape and partnered together. Draco refused to move from his seat so in the end Harry and Blaise had to pick up their belongings and switch places so they could sit with their partners.

As Harry got his things arranged, Draco refused to make any eye contact, continuing to look forward as Snape put some instructions on the board with the wave of his wand. _'Oh, mother is going to hear about this.'_ Draco thought in out rage. He could hear Blaise snickering behind him, and he couldn't help but wonder if the fates were against him. Giving in to his curiousness he glanced over to his side, inconspicuously, to see how Harry was taking their partnership. He had to smirk since, not even seeing his whole face, he could tell that Harry was less then pleased with this arrangement. He could guess what the reason was, not only was he partnered with him but he was also sitting in the front of the class.

Draco couldn't help but feel proud that he was at least making Harry suffer a little. Looking back to the board he realized the first potion they were going to be making was one that took a month to finish brewing. It was called Sirens Song, an extremely dangerous potion if done wrong, but if brewed correctly it was a potent muscle relaxant that just three drops would have effect even on a giant. However, if brewed incorrectly or if you made it too strong the potion that would relax your muscles suddenly turns deadly; putting you into a great amount of pain as it slowly melts your muscles and then kills you. If Draco was right you die after a week and a half if you were lucky, but there had been cases where it lasted for months. It probably would have lasted longer had they not called it incurable and they killed themselves since they had gone mad from the pain or killed out of mercy.

After Snape had finished giving them directions on how to brew it and told them to follow the instructions on the board they their began work. As they were working Harry and Draco continued to fight in whispers. "Potter, move over. I mean I know I look good but I'm not like that."

"Neither am I Malfoy. Though I have heard things that suggest you like to be both the male and female if you understand what I'm saying." Harry said picking up his fairy wings and crushing them into a powder.

"Oh really? Well you couldn't even begin to guess what I heard about you and Seamus. How you both like a good romp in the broom closet every now and again. Oh wait maybe that was you and the weasel you hang around with… Plus that mudblood, I hear she's pretty loose."

Harry's fists gripped tight and his teeth ground together. "You should know how loose people are I guess. I hear you back end isn't as tight as it used to be."

"Oh, so you've been checking around have you?"

As Harry was about to retort when suddenly the potion began to make a hissing sound taking both of them by surprise. "PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR POTION!" Snape yelled as Harry lowered the flame to cool the potion. As Snape came up behind the two boys and examined the potion to see how bad it was. Narrowing his eyes he looked toward Harry, "Fix it." he hissed.

Looking surprised Harry asked, "Me, sir?"

"Yes you. Now fix it before I have to remove it, quickly before there is nothing you can do." Snape said as the potion began to change from brilliant silver to an aquatic blue color.

Thinking quickly, trying to remember what to do, he turned the heat back up ignoring Draco's words. Moving swiftly he poured the fairy wing powder he had just finished with into the cauldron and stirred it counter clockwise for three (3) minutes. As it began to turn back to a brilliant silver Harry took four (4) flattened and juiced sweet beetles and dropped them in in ten (10) second intervals. It softly hissed until the last beetle was dropped in. Then with one last hiss it silenced and began to change back to its brilliant silver color.

Looking back at Snape he found him looking slightly surprised, Harry held in his smirk and asked, "So, did I fix it?"

"Yes… you could have been quicker about it though. Taking your sweet time so you can fix it at the last second, per usual from the famous _Harry Potter_." Snape seethed, slightly annoyed since he didn't get to poke fun at Harry in front of the whole class. As he turned towards Malfoy he raised an eyebrow in question, then turned and walked away to harass the other students.

Draco was looking as though he had been slapped in the face with that one look Snape had given him. Looking at Harry he asked the question he couldn't figure out the answer to, "How did _you_ know what to do Potter?"

Shrugging his shoulders he answered truthfully, "I didn't, just went on instinct."

Draco looked at Harry, not really believing him. "You say that, but you looked as though you've done it before… Plus you didn't even look at the board for the next ingredient…" he stopped himself as the bell rang, signaling the end of the class.

"Clean your area's, and bring me what you have. I will be grading you on how you and your partners have done so far, and return it to you in the next class." Snape said, writing something on a piece of parchment.

As Harry bottled it and was about to take it to Snape, Draco grabbed it from his hands with a sneer. "You're a klutz and you'd probably drop it before you even got to him." Was his only excuse before he walked off to Snape and gave him the vile that held their potion.

As everyone was leaving Blaise walked up behind Harry and Draco, hanging onto them for support. With a smile he said, "Oh god, this class was murder Draco! I don't think I'm going to make it."

"Blaise, you idiot, get off. For crying out loud you are acting as though you were a child today… That girlfriend of yours isn't healthy for you."

"Is that cause I'm not acting like I have a stick up my ass anymore?" Blaise asked, sounding genuinely curious. When Draco didn't reply he continued, "Well Draco, it's not healthy to have a stick there all the time. I mean think about the splinters that you're bound to get. Maybe you should check how many you have by now and think about finally pulling that thing out."

Again Draco didn't say anything, just giving Blaise an annoyed look. Harry was beginning to feel uncomfortable, feeling as though they were being nice ever since he fixed the potion. As he was about to say something, actually turning towards them a little, Blaise actually collapsed on them. Since neither Harry nor Draco were expecting to suddenly have to support not only themselves and their things, but Blaise and his things as well, they collapsed under the weight. As Harry hit the ground, his elbow slamming painfully against the hard dungeon floor, someone landed on top of him. Harry's eyes were shut as he tried to focus on not screaming out due to the pain, instead he tried to focus on figuring out who had landed on him. They weren't that heavy really, and for some reason thinking about who it could be helped his elbow from not throbbing so much. However, his heart jumped into his throat when he felt what he knew to be lips atop of his, and now he really wanted to know who it was. As their was a collective intake of breath the person on top of Harry shot up and practically jumped completely off Harry. As Harry struggled to get up, the pain in his arm coming back to him again, he looked through pained eyes to who had been on top of him.

Harry felt like he was going to be sick… Draco Malfoy sat on the floor wiping his mouth clean of something that only he could see. His cheeks had a faint pink hue on them, hardly noticeable in this light, but Harry saw and could tell because he was frozen where he sat as realization of what had happened came to him. Then he too began to wipe his mouth as vigorously as Draco was. "Damnit Potter!" Malfoy yelled from beneath his hand.

Blaise stood in shock, gawking at the two of them, much like the rest of the class was. Draco stood, rage evident on his face before he strode out of the dungeon. Blaise knew he was in trouble and would be in even more if he didn't follow Draco to where ever he was going to. He sighed, scratching his head and shrugged before he followed behind Draco, hoping he'd be able to catch him. As he walked out, Alex was right behind Blaise to the door. When he reached it he turned, cast a look to Harry, and then he was gone.

Harry just sat there, in shock. He didn't understand what the look Alex had given him before he left meant, but at that moment he really could have cared less. When he noticed the gathered crowd that had formed when they had first fell was still there, his cheeks burned and he got up with his head bowed. Grabbing his things that had fallen from his grasp when he fell he quickly left the dungeon as well. Yes, today was going to be one of those days, he could already tell and wondered why Ron had even woken him up.

**End of Chapter four (4)**

**A/N:** Well I feel pleased with myself, the two aren't even dating or thinking about it and I already got them to give one another a quick peck on the lips. Albeit it was a funny way for it to happen but for a Harry/Draco bad luck just seems to happen with them don't you think? Anyway, this was a fun chapter to write and I hope you guys reading enjoyed it. Don't forget to give me some feed back on what you all think of the story, I'd really enjoy knowing. Have a fun time trying to think of where my mind is going! As always, Thanks for reading!

_**A/N 2!…**_ And there goes another re-write, Chapter 4 for _Longing to be Found_ now completed (on to the next chapter!). Sorry it took me so long to pump this one out but I've been busy, sick, and… yeaaah life is crazy! I've been trying to keep working on it in my spare time but I lack that nowadays but I think I maybe getting that back soon… Maybe! Every time I think I have it I jynx myself by saying I have it so I'll just say maybe. I'm trying to re-work these chapters a little (not change the story or anything just fixing mistakes). I still have my LJ account (URL found on profile/bio page) and still need some advice/help on how to work that so any help would be awesome ^^


	5. Chapter 5

_**Summary: **_Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts is filled with taunting dreams and dark secrets. Sirius' death fresh in his mind and bleeding in his heart, he finds his body taking the abuse for his pain as he blames himself. Harry Potter has fallen on hard times and this time he is not able to stand back up on his own, doesn't have the strength to stand back up on his own. How will he ever find his strength again to continue to battle against Voldemort whose power is growing at a rapid rate? Plus who is this new transfer student in Slytherin house that is following Harry around? A beautiful new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has also come to Hogwarts, but the question remains will she make it through the year or does this teacher have a secret agenda like all the others. Is Harry going to have to fight for his life as well as his friend's lives yet again this year with his will teetering over the edge about to fall? Find out in the story _**Longing to be Found**_.

_**Disclaimer: **_I do not own any characters, ideas, or location's, found in the _**Harry Potter**_ universe, it is property of J. K. Rowling, and found in movies produced byWarner Bros. The storyline concept for this particular fanfiction was created in the recesses of the twisted mind of this writer. I _do_ however own the two OC's (original characters) in this story so please do not copy them.

_**Warnings: **_DARK! Contains mature content and adult themes not suitable for young children. Slash **(male/male relationships ****beyond**** friendship; also known as yaoi)**, non-con **(rape)**, strong language, PWP at times, self mutilation, self gratification **(masturbation)**, OOCness, AU…

_**YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!...**_

_Rated:__M/NC-17  
__Drama/Angst_

_**Longing to be Found…  
**__**By: TwilightKitsune1**_

**Chapter Five (5)  
****- Contemplation and Disgust -**

With the classes finally finished students littered the hallway and conversations were being held about no discernible subject in the thick masses. There was laughter, and there were shouts to other students further down the hall; some were running to unknown destinations, while others walked silently lost in their thoughts. However, Draco didn't hear them, didn't see them, his mind in a far away place. Yet, when there was a shriek of laughter that filled the air he felt his cheeks beginning to heat again. He bowed his head to hide his coming blush and his fist's clinched tight as he cursed Blaise and that damned Potter.

'_That damned Potter and his amazingly soft lips. Plus that firm chest I got to finally feel a little, and that thin blasted shirt that was amazingly soft… I think it was new too, since it actually fit him pretty well. With the school robe on it obstructed my view of his back side, and if I'm not mistaken from what I did see his pants were new too. They were tight, form fit—_

'_Shit, what the hell was that! This is Harry bloody Potter, MY rival since we started going to this school! Not only that, but he's the Dark Lord's number one enemy! Hated by all those that are loyal to the Dark Lord, and the only other person, besides that senile old fool Dumbledore, that stands in his way…'_

As his thought ended, Draco stopped unable to keep his body walking. Standing there, as people maneuvered around him, his mind was blank. He'd always known that Harry was one of the only things standing against the Dark Lord, but for some reason it seemed to finally be hitting him. Shaking his head slightly he walked to the nearest empty classroom to try and regain his Malfoy composure. Entering the room and closing the door behind him, he walked to the middle of the deserted classroom, dropping his things onto the floor, and collapsed into one of the seats near the front. He didn't understand why he had been so shaken when he thought about what everyone knew. Looking at his left forearm, where the dark mark is to go when he becomes of age, he realized his body was trembling. He looked at his hands, holding them up in front of him, and wondered what had caused his body to start shaking. So lost in his musings he failed to hear the door open and close behind him, or the footsteps that were coming towards him.

"Hey… Draco, you alright?" came Blaise's voice from behind him.

Fisting his hands and letting them drop he stayed facing the front of the classroom and lounged back in the seat as though nothing was wrong. "…You know I hate you now, right?" Draco said in a bored tone hoping it was enough to fool Blaise.

Laughing the 'Oh-I-figured' laugh, Blaise moved into the room, softly placing his things on the floor and taking the seat beside Draco. "You know you don't mean that." When he received no reply he sighed and leaned back. "Okay, sure, maybe right now you do… you'll get over it though."

Finally turning to face Blaise, Draco gave his best 'I-hope-you-burn' look, and through clenched teeth said, "_Get over it_! God damnit Blaise, you had me _kiss_ Harry Potter! I'm sure you know him, the same Harry Potter that sent _my_ father to Azkaban, the same Harry Potter that faces the Dark Lord. The same Harry Potter that fights for that senile old fool called Dumbledore. Oh, maybe you've forgotten, here let me remind you, this is the _same _Harry Potter that has tormented me since I was small, before I even bloody well knew him!"

"Point taken… but Draco, you should know I didn't mean to. I know you Draco, and I've known you since we were born. We grew up together and we know everything there is to know about the other. So you should know me, and you two kissing was the _last_ thing I meant to happen."

Draco was furious at Blaise by this point, his words having not helped his rage, but for some reason it was no longer because of the kiss. "If you didn't mean to then why in the name of Salazar were you being so friendly with him! _What were you doing, what were you trying to accomplish?_"

"Honestly? Haven't got a clue." Blaise admitted a small smirk playing on his face.

Draco stared at Blaise dumbfounded, his mind now greatly confused and the rage he had been feeling just seconds ago was snuffed out by that one statement. How could he _not_ know why he did something if he was the one who had done it? In the many years that Draco had known Blaise he had always had a reason if he did something that made no sense. Even if it didn't have any logical stand point he always had a reason behind it.

"So…" Blaise said pulling Draco from his musings. "Just curious, how was it? I mean you started turning red pretty quick… Well, at least as red as your skin can turn."

"I did _not_! Malfoy men do not blush. It is a disgrace to the name of Malfoy." Draco stated looking with his usual arrogant look.

"Yeah, but you didn't answer the question." Blaise pointed out, a triumphant grin on his lips and a quizzical brow rose.

Draco huffed and looked forward crossing his arms over his chest. "It was horrible Blaise, you should know that."

Laughing outright, Blaise patted him on his shoulder before standing up and grabbing his bag. "Riiight, horrible. Guess that's why I saw one of you hands gripping his shirt while the other rested on his chest. Plus that you only separated from him when you _knew_ there was a crowd gawking at the two of you. I wonder if you would have pulled away so quickly had no one been around."

Draco lowered his head. Blaise was wrong, he had not pulled away so quickly due to the crowd, but they had caused the blush to appear on his checks. He had pulled back because he knew no matter what, the person he was kissing had been Harry Potter and there was no changing who the enemy was. Even if Draco did feel for him greatly. They were on two very different sides, and one of them was facing death by the Dark Lords hands. "I hate you, you know that?" Draco mumbled as Blaise listened to him.

"I know you do Draco. I know."

Looking up at Blaise, his pain apparent slightly on his face, his pride pushed away the on coming of tears that threatened to spill out. "I really do hate you… because this is Potter, the boy who lived, the one person the Dark Lord wants to see dead above all else."

Blaise gave Draco a sympathetic look, "Well Draco, if it was anyone else do you think it would really be worth it? Plus think of how much fun you'll have." He finished with a smile.

Giving a silent chuckle Draco looked at the ceiling and whispered out with a tired voice, "Right, fun." and continued to sit there, not ready to join the moving crowds that still littered the hallways. He decided it was best to just sit and try to destroy any and all feelings he had for Harry bloody Potter. It was better that way, it was better if he felt nothing for Potter because in the end Draco knew he would have to watch the fight between the light and the dark. He knew if his father found out he had any weakness for Harry Potter, Lucius would snuff out any weak link, even if it was his own son, his own blood.

It was better this way, if he felt nothing for Potter. Then Draco was safe, but there was something that was wrong with that thought process.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXx – With Harry - xXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

As Harry finally left the dungeons he kept his eyes down cast not wanting to meet anyone's gaze. He knew that there was still a bit of color to his checks. He could feel the slightly raised tempter in them and wondered why he would be blushing because of that barest touch his lips had with Malfoy's. It made no sense in his head, it made no sense to him in the slightest, but that didn't stop the blush or the fast beating of his heart. He was a little shocked that he had lain there and took the contact from Draco. He had in fact, in the smallest amount, hardly noticeable, wanted to have more, wished it didn't end as soon as it had. Shaking his head he threw that thought out, that disgusting thought. It had to be because of what happened with Alex, no other reason then that. Yes, he could blame Alex for the way his body reacted, because just last night he had been lost in a moment of passion with Alex. _God, what's wrong with me!_ Harry thought in misery and flung out his injured arm.

The pain was quick and unforgiving. Harry squinted his eyes as he allowed the pain to shot through him, yes he was thankful he had rammed his elbow into the ground when he feel, it made the pain last so much longer. Harry bit his bottom lip; if he didn't let the arm mend properly then he was going to be in serious trouble when he started playing Quidditch. Harry pulled his arm back to his side. He would be more gentle with it, he needed it for something _he_ loved doing. Thinking for a moment he decided, maybe it was because he hit his arm on the dungeon floor that had stopped him from moving, stopped him from pushing Malfoy off, and stopped him from wanting to stop. Yes, it wasn't Alex, no not Alex, it was his blasted arm. He needed to take care of the bloody thing so these incidents wouldn't happen anymore.

Lost in his thoughts of why and who he stopped watching where he was going and failed to notice as someone rounded the corner and ran right into his injured arm. Harry's mind screamed in agony and he pushed back the small tears that wanted to form due to the pain. He took a sharp inhale and looked to find himself face to face with an apologetic looking Neville Longbottom. "Oh, I'm sorry Harry! I wasn't watching where I was going!" he said automatically, worried he had done something horrible by the intake of breath Harry had done after they bumped into each other.

Thankful the sudden onslaught of pain removed the burning on his face he was able to look at Neville with no worry. An understanding smile glued itself in place on his face as he spoke. "It's okay Neville I wasn't looking where I was going either. Don't worry so much."

Neville smiled thankful it wasn't only his fault but he did remember the sharp intake of breath Harry did when they bumped into one another, "Hey Harry, are you okay?"

"Er… Yeah?" Harry said slightly confused, then realized Neville may have notice the pain he had been in only moments ago when they bumped into each other. "I just got a headache. I've been in double potions since this morning. Anyway I've got to go and start heading to charms. I'll see you later okay." And Harry quickly left Neville standing there confused but accepting.

As he walked through the crowd further down the hall he felt a penetration into his mind, _'What happened to your arm Harry?' _Alex's voice questioned in Harry's mind.

'_Alex, where are you?'_ Harry questioned back slightly looking around him surprised. He could not see Alex; the mass was to thick and the faces of people walked by paying no heed to him.

'_A little further up. So what happened to your arm, it looks like it really hurts.'_ Alex continued asking, not missing a beat.

Harry continued forward and finally spotted him. He was sitting in one of the arch ways to the court yard reading a thick looking book. His eyes not really moving as he finally smiled and closed the book and got up looking at his watch as though he was checking the time for his next class. _'I just fell on it over the summer when I was practicing for Quidditch is all. What are you doing there anyway, I thought you were following Draco and Blaise?'_

'_I was but I lost them in the crowd and figured I'd wait for you. So what's your next class maybe we can go together?' _

'_Its charms and I really got to hurry or I'll be late for class.'_

'_Perfect.' _Harry heard Alex's voice purr in his mind and he could feel his skin heating and yearning for Alex's touch once again. He wanted him, wanted to touch him, ravage him, and make him scream under him. _'Oh dear Potter, I thought you didn't want a repeat of last night. Or have you changed you mind?'_

Harry narrowed his eyes and continued to walk, _'I'm human Alex, aren't I allowed to have thoughts?'_

'_Why yes you are Harry, but aren't I allowed to be interested in thoughts you have of me lying under you screaming your name?' _Harry ignored what he said, continuing on completely ignoring him as Alex fell into pace behind him. _'You know if we are late, or almost late, we might be able to sit next to one another.'_

'_That's nice, I'm going to class for class not to sit beside you and play footsie under the desk.' _Harry shot to Alex, now shoving him out of his mind and closing it to him.

As Harry continued walking he missed the furious glare Alex was giving him and the quick change in color of his eyes. However, as quick as the glare appeared and his eyes changed it was gone and he had his normal peaceful expression back on his face.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXx – After Charms - xXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

As everyone was gathering there things Harry continued to sit there and stretched, his injured arm feeling slightly better then before but he dare not move it. He heard shuffling papers behind him but didn't need to turn to see who it was. He knew it was Alex. He could still feel the youth trying to break through his block on his mind that he had set up, he knew and for some reason enjoyed how desperately Alex clawed at it trying to get through. Harry couldn't stop the smirk the formed on his lips as he felt Alex give one last valiant shove before Harry opened it to him willingly. _'And what is it you so desperately want to talk about Alex.' _ Harry purred out to Alex and felt as he shifted slightly caught off guard behind him.

'… _I'm surprised you feel that you can speak to me like that. Now why did you block me and how is your mental guard so strong?' _Alex questioned.

'_I trained for my block Alex, your forgetting who my enemy is.' _Harry mocked back, smirking at the goldfish motion he could see Alex's face doing if they had been conversing face to face. _'Besides I'm just imitating what you do when you're speaking with me.'_

Harry heard the snicker behind him, not in his mind, but the conversation continued, skipping over what had happened, _'Well Potter, what is on your agenda now seeing the time?'_

'_I'm off to the great hall Alex, meeting up with some friends of mine and then I'm off to Herbology.'_

'_What a coincidence that is exactly what I'm scheduled to do… Though perhaps we could skip the whole great hall and find an empty classroom?'_

Harry's hands stilled as he was picking up his things. What was wrong with him, at the mere thought of having Alex alone and in submission had him wanting. He wanted to have Alex, to claim him as his own, to mark him like no other has been marked by him, to have him under him and screaming for more. How he had desired it since their last moments of passion, how he had found himself fantasizing about it when he became bored in classes today. However, as his body began to tremble with wanting, with the great need to release, another emotion filled him. It was the same emotion that tormented him earlier today, that emotion was disgust. His body stopped wanting, stopped needing that sexual release. Now all it needed a release of was its stomach contents.

Harry felt sickened by the mere thought, by the mere image in his head he had been playing just moments ago in his mind. There was nothing he could do, not wanting to be sick in class he waved his wand and his things jumped into his bag, not orderly but they did go in. He rushed out of the classroom leaving with it a confused looking Alex. Harry ran quicker then he thought possible this close to being sick, he ran hard, his legs shaking with his nausea. As he rounded the corner, knocking another student down roughly, he saw the boy's lavatory and ran outright towards it. As he entered the stall he wasted no time pushing the toilet lid up and throwing his things down at the same time. The contents rushed out; there was no stopping it, no slowing it down. He felt as though his insides were on fire, slowly and painfully being pushed to the outside of his body to the vomit filled bowl under him.

As it finally stopped he gasped for the air his body had been denied and fell onto his rear. He leaned his head back slightly and looked to the roof as he used his sleeve to wipe off any spit that remained on his lips. He felt tears rising to his eyes, he felt as though he was lost, as though there was something missing and he had no way of finding it or getting to it. He felt as though there was something inside him trying to destroy him slowly, trying to make him fall so deep into nothingness there was no way he could get back up. He started shaking with fear of the unknown, wrapping his arms around himself he began to cry, letting the tears flow freely down his checks but held in the sobs. He wanted to just disappear, to leave this place and all that he had to do, to leave all his pain behind. He wanted to run to where Sirius had disappeared to and be with him away from all the pain and all the duties that had been placed onto his shoulders ever since he had been small. Now though he felt as though he was drowning in the pain of it all.

So lost in his thoughts of freedom from everything he didn't notice as his nails dug into his skin, biting and piercing through, blood droplets forming in the small crescent cuts his nails made. After a little while his body calmed of its shaking, his tears began to desist until all that was left were the trails that they left behind in their wake, and he was able to release himself from his tight grip. His strength was gone, he felt exhausted from all the pain he was feeling inside but he gripped the side of the stall and began the slow progression of rising to his feet. As he was finally able to stand he felt his legs want to give out but was able to stay upright. Looking at the bowl of vomit he grimaced and quickly flushed it and left the stall. As he stood in front of the mirror he saw how his skin had lost all of its color and looked more ashen, how his eyes seemed to have lost their emerald green glow and seemed near dead. Running the water he took a deep breath and submerged his face in as much water he could gather in his hands. After doing this a few times he stopped and just gripped the sink bowl and he watched the water run quickly out of the faucet and into the sink bowl before going down the drain.

A far off smile formed on his lips as he thought of distant thoughts. He was no longer in Hogwarts, no longer under so much pressure; he was lost in his own mind where there were no worries of the coming days, of the coming war. There was no longer a rush to get back to work, there was no longer a rush to get to back to life, and there was no longer a rush at all. Though the smile faded and he found himself still standing in the boys lavatory looking at the sink bowl as the water drained. Heaving a tiered sigh he grabbed a towel and wiped the water off his face. Drying his robes with a flick of his wand he picked his things up and began walking back to the great hall, he needed something to be placed in his stomach so his acid wouldn't eat anymore of his insides.

**End of Chapter five (5) **

**A/N: **Well that's that and now the chapters over… And yeah, it was a filler chapter. So, how'd it go? I'm not sure when my next update will be unfortunately, but I will try to make it soon. I will continue to work on the story but I don't know when I'll be able to post anything. I also know that this chapter is shorter then the previously posted chapters but I hope that the quality did not suffer. I have much to do and little time to do it in; I hope to hear some feed back on this story and am anticipating hearing your comments. As always, thanks for reading!

_**A/N 2!...**_ Chapter 5 re-write for _Longing to be Found_ finished (moving to next!). I actually didn't have to do to much on this chapter, hope this pattern keeps up! I still have my LJ account (URL found on profile/bio page) and still need some advice/help on how to work that so any help would be awesome ^^ When things heat up in this story I'm thinking I may edit it ever so slightly for this sight and put the more "GAH!" or "Hey lemon!" on my LJ account so I don't get in trouble here… (Don't worry I'll let you know if I do and that decision is still up in the air)


	6. Chapter 6

_**Summary: **_Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts is filled with taunting dreams and dark secrets. Sirius' death fresh in his mind and bleeding in his heart, he finds his body taking the abuse for his pain as he blames himself. Harry Potter has fallen on hard times and this time he is not able to stand back up on his own, doesn't have the strength to stand back up on his own. How will he ever find his strength again to continue to battle against Voldemort whose power is growing at a rapid rate? Plus who is this new transfer student in Slytherin house that is following Harry around? A beautiful new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has also come to Hogwarts, but the question remains will she make it through the year or does this teacher have a secret agenda like all the others. Is Harry going to have to fight for his life as well as his friend's lives yet again this year with his will teetering over the edge about to fall? Find out in the story _**Longing to be Found**_.

_**Disclaimer: **_I do not own any characters, ideas, or location's, found in the _**Harry Potter**_ universe, it is property of J. K. Rowling, and found in movies produced byWarner Bros. The storyline concept for this particular fanfiction was created in the recesses of the twisted mind of this writer. I _do_ however own the two OC's (original characters) in this story so please do not copy them.

_**Warnings: **_DARK! Contains mature content and adult themes not suitable for young children. Slash **(male/male relationships ****beyond**** friendship; also known as yaoi)**, non-con **(rape)**, strong language, PWP at times, self mutilation, self gratification **(masturbation)**, OOCness, AU…

_**YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!...**_

_Rated:__M/NC-17  
Drama/Angst_

_**Longing to be Found…  
By: TwilightKitsune1**_

**Chapter Six (6)  
- Destiny -**

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXx – After classes in Great Hall - xXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

Harry sat there as he listened absently to the mass of people talking about nothing he really cared to hear. He caught a few of the conversations around him about recent events, the 'hot gossip' which just so happen to be the incident that happened only hours ago between Draco and himself. Students were also discussing the classes they had just finished today though these were rare topics to be heard. Harry also heard the clatter of the silverware scraping against a few plats, he heard the groans of satisfaction for the food, he watched as the ghosts drifted by with their forlorn looks on their faces.

As Harry thought about nothing in particular, taking a swig of his pumpkin juice and then picking at a piece of bread, to worried of causing his stomach to become sick again from suddenly filling it with food, Ron's voice suddenly pulled him out of his stupor. "Hey mate, you doing okay? I heard what happened in the dungeons earlier."

Harry grimaced at the thought and tried to not notice the swift movement Hermione had made beside him, or the wince of pain that suddenly crossed Ron's face that was followed by an angry glare toward Hermione. Sighing to himself and strengthening his resolve he spoke. "I'm doing better then I was I suppose… Not much of an appetite though." Harry admitted to his friends. "How were your classes?" he asked changing the subject.

As Hermione was more then happy to oblige to this change of subject as she went through the events of the day. The classes she and Ron shared before she and Harry had gone to Herbology, and also her brief thoughts on the lessons. As she went through the day step by step as though she had read it in a book and was reciting it for their entertainment, Ron finally spoke up in a small whisper when she had finished. "Hey, have you spoken with _him_ any? I heard you guys had potions, charms, _and_ Herbology together."

Harry sat there for a moment, he had almost completely forgotten the main reason he and Alex were communicating in the first place. He needed to get in contact with Dumbledore and tell him about Alex and see what he says. "I'm going to try and speak with Dumbledore tonight. I'll try to get to him using the invisibility cloak."

Ron and Hermione looked at each other. Worried glances passing between the two and then they looked at Harry. "Do you want us to come with you mate, or maybe we could try to talk to Alex and see if we can find something out for you."

Harry shook his head to Ron's suggestion, "I don't want anything to happen, I mean he came to me and me alone. If he knew you two knew he may pull away. Or worse."

Ron looked to Hermione for support but she had the look of not being able to fight Harry on his opinion. "But Harry maybe we could do it under cover, you know, try to buddy up with him or something." Ron tried again.

"One problem with that idea Ron, Alex is making no actual, visible sign of being chummy with Harry. He's doing it covertly and if two of Harry's best friends begin to become chummy with a Slytherin what would you think if you were a Slytherin huh?" Hermione pointed out, but an idea came across her face. "However, it might not seem so strange if we seemed like we were joining the dark side."

Harry looked confused, Ron slightly taken aback, both thinking she had gone mad. "'Mione have you gone mad? I mean… Just think for a second what you're suggesting!" Ron said a slightly fearful look on his face. "I mean we are Harry's best mates, wouldn't it be obvious that it's a trick or something."

"Of course it would Ron, but if only one of use broke off then it might be a little more believable. Though it is a big risk but it would be worth it don't you think?" Hermione argued back at Ron. Looking at Harry she continued. "This will of course have to wait until you get a chance to speak with Dumbledore and he knows what's going on, but we can't let Alex in on it just in case. We'll see his real colors this way don't you think Harry."

Harry just stared at her in shock. "…You're meaning to be the one to infiltrate aren't you?" Harry whispered his voice not wanting to go any higher for fear of being heard.

The tiniest of blushes came to her cheeks. "Yes, but I will have help. This isn't the first time this thought crossed my mind when I learned of Snape's spying for Dumbledore. There's nothing to worry about though I do have a connection and a way in."

Harry and Ron glanced at each other and then back to Hermione. "You've been meaning to do this then?"

Hermione nodded solemnly and looked Harry straight in the eyes. "I will need you to help me though, maybe even Dumbledore's. I need to learn Occlumency so I can at least block my thoughts."

"You mean if Alex really isn't being honest aren't you." Harry said blandly, his mind spinning. He wondered how long Hermione had been thinking up this crazy plan, infiltrating the Slytherins and he wondered who this connection was. He wanted to pierce through her mind, find out her plans, what she had in mind but she had a right to her privacy, it wasn't his place to walk through her mind just because he wanted to know something she wasn't saying. Shaking his head he didn't feel like fighting with her on an empty stomach so he grabbed a sandwich and took a large bite out of it. His stomach be damned.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX - XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

Night had finally come to the castle; the sun's rays gone from the sky, replacing it now was the brilliantly shining moon with its gentle light. The night sky was clear of all clouds and filled with its nightly chant that those in the castle had grown so used to it no longer bothered them. Owls flew in the air in and out of sight in the forbidden forest. Creatures in the forest mewed, howled, or just chirped, all making some type of noise whether it be for sleeping or other nightly activities. There was sometimes the gentle sound of a swaying tree in the wind, its leaves rustling in the air. There was a faint scent of smoke that had come from Hagrid's hut before he had dowsed the fire and went to bed. Other then the nightly goings on of those that are nocturnal there was nothing a miss, no happening that was too out of the ordinary outside of the castle on Hogwarts grounds.

However, there was a single student who silently snuck down the hall inside the castle. He was invisible to any who would look directly at him or even in his general direction. Hidden under his magical cloak Harry walked the halls, careful to avoid any spirits that may still be wondering. He had to be quick to get to Dumbledore, had to be silent so not to get caught, also to be careful of any booby-traps that the castle had. When ever he passed a window where the moon shone brightly he would pause to check his map to make sure he was going straight to Dumbledore.

When he reached another window he pulled out his map again to look at it and found Dumbledore had left his office. Now Dumbledore was in an empty classroom just down at the end hall a little ways further, completely alone. Confused Harry shoved the parchment back into his pocket after muttering the incantation to disperses the map, and hurried down the hall to find himself standing in front of the empty classroom. Not worrying to be seen he reached his hand out from under the cloak, pulled the doors open, walked into the classroom. He quickly closed the door behind him.

As he turned to the front of the class he found Dumbledore there, next to the window in the front of the room. He was just looking out into the night and his back was to Harry. Harry slid the cloak off of himself and he just looked silently at Dumbledore as he stood in front of him. Dumbledore wore his wizard robes as he always did. His hands held behind his back, his right hand gripping his left wrist. He stood there, tall and proud looking, strong and capable of anything he wanted. As Harry looked at him he couldn't help but admire his headmaster that stood in front of him. "Harry, you wished to speak to me."

Harry jumped slightly. He had not been expecting Dumbledore to acknowledge his presence so soon. "I did," Harry said remembering and realizing something. "but sir, how did you know?"

"My dear boy, I had noticed how you continued to glance at me in the great hall, how you and your friends spoke mostly amongst yourselves. While that is fine, also suspicious." Dumbledore finally turned to Harry fully and smiled, his half moon spectacles sitting on his nose as his brilliant blue eyes shone even in the night. "So I waited till I knew you would seek me out and decided to come to the closest deserted room near you so you would not miss much of your sleep." His hand gestured to an empty desk. "Let us sit and speak Harry, I expect this to be a long conversation and needing to be very secretive."

Harry nodded and went to sit at the desk Dumbledore had gestured to and as he sat, putting the invisibility cloak on the chair behind him, Dumbledore sealed the room so no sound could go out and no one could come in. When he had finished the incantation he moved to the chair opposite Harry. As he sat he placed his hands on the desk and looked expectantly at Harry. "Sir, there is a student I would like to ask you about."

"Would it be about the young Mister Alex Capper perhaps?" Dumbledore said.

Harry's eyes opened wider then he thought they would tonight and nodded. "Professor how did you know?"

"There are signs Harry, signs even I could have missed. I knew this regarded mister Capper from the moment you wished to speak to me. Had you not, that night the two of you almost shared in the Hallway outside of the Gryffindor tower would have concerned me."

Looking down to his lap Harry felt his cheeks heat up. He had not thought of that time since he had left the bathroom earlier that day. "I really didn't mean to let that happen Professor. I'm sorry I lost control of myself like that with him."

As Harry continued to feel ashamed of what had happened, silently yelling at himself, he missed the twinkle in Dumbledore's eyes. "Do not be too hard on yourself Harry. It is alright, I have known many a wizard that has lost control like that. it is not something you should be ashamed of."

Harry nodded his head and finally looked up, accepting Dumbledore's comfort and not yelling like his mind screamed to do. This was not the time, nor was it the place. There were matters that needed to be discussed and he needed to do them tonight. Determined to get all of the information out for Dumbledore to know he set to work, explaining everything that has happened thus far and all that he knew. He gave Dumbledore all the information he had and all the plans that have been formulated between he and his friends. When he had finished his rant he sat taking in the air he had forgotten about while explaining and waited for Dumbledore to speak, who seemed to still be taking in all that Harry had said.

"Does Miss Granger understand the dangers she would be placing herself in Harry? Though she is doing this for friendship, when she crosses to the dark side to gather information does she know what may happen to her? The dangers she may face and the choices she will be forced to make? Accompanied of course with the actions she will have to take?" Dumbledore said after a while. Harry nodded his head, this was Hermione after all who thinks things through before doing anything. If she hadn't Harry had a feeling she would not have been willing to do this, or even offer it up as a suggestion. "If you believe she can handle this responsibility I shall assist her in learning Occlumency to guard herself."

Harry sat there for a moment, in the end Dumbledore was leaving it up to him. If he thought she was able to or not he would not argue Harry's decision. With out even reading his mind Harry knew Dumbledore was leaving the choice to trust her or not up to him. As though training him to make the choices a leader would need to make, like a general with his troops. In the end the question was, did Harry believe in Hermione enough to be able to go to the other side and return unscathed? The automatic answer was no, he knew Hermione may be tempted, may even be scared from this experience. Did he trust her enough to return to them though? Yes. Harry nodded his head feeling as though he had just sent his friend into mortal danger with that one single nod. "Hermione is a great witch and one of the smartest people I have ever met. I am sure she will make it through this alright." He said at Dumbledore's solemn look.

"If this is your decision I shall start training her straight away." Dumbledore said, as though he were falling in line and allowing Harry to lead in this way. "As for Alex, inform him I shall not meet with him for a week. We shall see his true colors with in this time perhaps. If not that should give us enough time to train Hermione, to strengthen her mind and plan how things should fall in this time. This shall be the pause in the battle so we can gather our strength. If Alex is a foe he will do what ever in his power to slow us down, if he is an ally he should allow us this time." As Harry was about to rise thinking the conversation over Dumbledore spoke again. "And Harry, you shall train as well with myself and Professor Lupin who is returning as an assistant teacher within the week."

"Sir?" Harry questioned.

"This is the time to strengthen ourselves Harry, do you not agree?" Dumbledore asked with a slight smile as he too rose from the seat.

"Yes sir, we'll do our best then." Harry agreed finally and picked up his cloak, "Is that all for tonight Professor?"

"Unless there is more to speak of then yes that is. We shall probably speak more through the week Harry, plans and thought's. You are now part of the Order."

"I—I am?" Harry asked as if not believing his ears. He was still under age but Dumbledore had just recruited him.

"You are Harry, I am sorry to say but it is time we begin to prepare to fight back. Do you not agree?"

"Of course Professor, I do."

"Now it is late and you are still a student. Off to bed."

Harry nodded and threw the invisibility cloak over himself as he followed Dumbledore out of the empty room after he had dispelled his enchantment. Plans had been lain and the course was set. The wheels of destiny were now in motion and there was nothing that could stop them as they turned, the fates of many were being decided. It was time, the war was now beginning to heat up and childhood was being left behind.

**End Chapter Six (6)**

**A/N: **huh, is it me or are my chapters getting shorter, hopefully the next one will be longer and filled with more story and less filler. Again I hope my quality didn't go away. There are a few things that are going on here on my side of the world that may hinder me from writing or updating, but I want to know how the story is going. Looking forward to anything you all have to say, and thanks for reading _**Longing to be Found**_!

_**A/N 2!...**_ And there is yet another re-write, Chapter six. This one had a few more problems then the others and it was just a filler chapter… huh. Lol, guess I didn't pay attention when I typed this little guy up. Should be a bit better now though (still filler). I still have my LJ account (URL found on profile/bio page) and still need some advice/help on how to work that so any help would be awesome ^^ When things heat up in this story I'm thinking I may edit it ever so slightly for this sight and put the more "GAH!" or "Hey lemon!" on my LJ account so I don't get in trouble here… (Don't worry I'll let you know if I do and that decision is still up in the air)


	7. Chapter 7

_**Summary: **_Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts is filled with taunting dreams and dark secrets. Sirius' death fresh in his mind and bleeding in his heart, he finds his body taking the abuse for his pain as he blames himself. Harry Potter has fallen on hard times and this time he is not able to stand back up on his own, doesn't have the strength to stand back up on his own. How will he ever find his strength again to continue to battle against Voldemort whose power is growing at a rapid rate? Plus who is this new transfer student in Slytherin house that is following Harry around? A beautiful new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has also come to Hogwarts, but the question remains will she make it through the year or does this teacher have a secret agenda like all the others. Is Harry going to have to fight for his life as well as his friend's lives yet again this year with his will teetering over the edge about to fall? Find out in the story _**Longing to be Found**_.

_**Disclaimer: **_I do not own any characters, ideas, or location's, found in the _**Harry Potter**_ universe, it is property of J. K. Rowling, and found in movies produced byWarner Bros. The storyline concept for this particular fanfiction was created in the recesses of the twisted mind of this writer. I _do_ however own the two OC's (original characters) in this story so please do not copy them.

_**Warnings: **_DARK! Contains mature content and adult themes not suitable for young children. Slash **(male/male relationships ****beyond**** friendship; also known as yaoi)**, non-con **(rape)**, strong language, PWP at times, self mutilation, self gratification **(masturbation)**, OOCness, AU…

_**YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!...**_

_Rated:__M/NC-17  
Drama/Angst_

_**Longing to be Found…  
By: TwilightKitsune1**_

**Chapter Seven (7)  
****- ****Piercing****Through**** -**

The days seemed to be passing far quicker then they used to and as the week was coming to a close Harry found himself already behind in some of his class work. However, he was not to worried about this since most of the assignments he was behind in were not due until next weeks. Though with Hermione breathing down his neck to keep working on his assignments as well as the nightly training sessions that both Hermione and he had with Dumbledore, Harry felt like he was already stretching himself thin. He sighed heavily as he stretched where he sat in the library trying to finish his charms assignment. He could only imagine how tired he will be when Quidditch practice starts back up again. The library was near deserted since many students weren't having a problem doing their class work. Harry was slightly glad he didn't have to work around a group of students the would probably be talking in hushed voices as though they were making some conspiracy plan when they would just be talking about some pointless thing or other.

"Hey, Hermione, do you have any charm notes on you? I forgot mine in the common room." Harry asked as Hermione closed the book in front of her and was reaching for another that she had brought over with her.

"I don't believe it Harry." Hermione said in an exasperated tone. "I talk you into coming down here so we can finish our work loads and you forgot to bring your notes?"

Giving her an apologetic grin Harry shrugged his shoulders. "Sorry 'Mione I'm just not all here."

Hermione sighed and reached for her bag pulling out some parchment. "You're lucky I can understand that… I've been wondering though. Has Alex tried to talk to you again about meeting with Dumbledore?" she whispered making sure no one heard her as she handed the parchment over to Harry.

"Thanks." he said as he took the parchment from her. '_He's not said a word to me… Though his thoughts are always there Hermione.'_ Harry sent into her mind as he read through the parchment and jotted down some things onto his own parchment. '_Remember Hermione, we can't talk about that allowed just incase someone hears us. Besides it's much easier just to do this.'_ Harry said as he began working even further into his assignment. "I need to go grab a book, I'll be right back." Harry said standing up and placing his quill down.

As he was looking on the shelves for the right book he failed to notice the person who came up behind him until it was too late to try and get away. '_Harry, I've been looking for you.'_ Came the voice of the person he had just been talking about.

Jumping slightly he turned around and somehow found himself pinned against the wall, bookshelf, and Alex. '_H-hey Alex, what's up?'_ Harry asked, ignoring the uneasy feeling growing in his stomach. He ignored that easily, along with the fact that he was in a deserted part of the library. There wasn't anything to worry about.

'_I was looking for you. You've been seeming more and more tired these days, I was wondering if there was anything wrong? Or maybe something I could help with?'_ Alex's voice purred as he moved closer to Harry. Their bodies nearly flush together.

There was something wrong, Harry didn't feel right. He was stuck in the corner as Alex was so close to him he could smell him but still. It wasn't a bad scent though, not bad at all really. Harry was actually pretty sure he could have drowned in this scent that was Alex. His hands were shaky and seemed to have a mind of their own as they slowly, shakily, made their way up and found the cloth of Alex's robes. He felt like he was in a trance as he pulled the other body close to him finding warmth. Yes, it was so warm. Closing his eyes and leaning forward their lips meet in a frenzied way.

It was wonderful, the feel of this warmth that felt as though it were surrounding him in it. He was so exhausted from the days he'd been training, the endless sleepless nights where he found no peace. He had been forced to see his god father die so many times recently, and not because he had lost himself there. No, it was because of Dumbledore._ The old senile codger!_ Harry thought angrily. He hated the old fool sometimes, he, Harry, was strong but when he was around Dumbledore Harry felt like he was nothing more then a child playing make believe. As that warmth Alex had ignited in him turned to pure hate and rage he roughly pushed at Alex, turning him so he was facing the wall and Harry was pinning him. They never broke apart from the kiss, still clinging, still clawing. As Alex's back hit the wall in a rough manner he gasped only to receive Harry's tongue slide its way in causing Alex to moan.

It was Alex now who was clinging to Harry, his hand gripping Harry's robe at the side. One of Harry's hands slid up Alex's body and roughly gripped the boy's hair pulling his head back a little giving Harry better access. This action made Alex make a mewing noise in the back of his throat and his body began to shudder as he felt Harry begin to move his hand down stopping at Alex's waist line. It was in these moments Harry started to realize what he was doing and come back to himself. As he began to release Alex it was at that time someone decided to walk around to where they had been hidden away and it was the noise of books falling to the ground that made Harry finally, fully, pull away and release Alex completely. His emerald green eyes filled with worry and fear were met with shock filled grey eyes.

Of course the one person who had found them at that moment when Alex could barely stand and had to lean on Harry for support, with both their faces covered in a slight blush, it had to have been Draco Malfoy. Another bloody Slytherin!

"WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS!" came Draco's shocked, furious, scared? voice.

Harry just stood there with the panting Alex at his side as he regained his composure and caught his breath so he could respond. As he was doing this they heard the librarian tell them to be quiet and not to make her come over. As Blaise sauntered over to Draco's side, he froze and went bug eyed at the spectacle.

Harry didn't know what to say. He had to think of a way to get at least Alex out of this mess should Voldemort find out. "I was curious is all, wanted to know what it was like kissing the famous Potter. I didn't want just a little one either. Why? Does that bother you Draco?" came Alex's voice, slightly horse from the earlier assault.

"_Yes…No…_ It's just that it's Potter is all! He is our Dark Lord's enemy you fool! Should he know about this—" Draco drew off and Blaise just continued to look from Alex to Draco and back, there was unease in his eyes. As though there was something more to it, but Harry really didn't want to put two and two together right now.

"My point Draco, better to do it now while he's alive. Won't be as good should he be dead." Alex said finally standing on his own and walking towards Draco. He smirked at him and leaned down to his ear to whisper something only meant for Draco's ears. When he finished the boy went pale, more then what he normally was, it was a sickly pale as though he had just been told something he really didn't want to hear. With that he straightened up and patted Draco on the shoulder before turning to Harry and then back walking out of the library.

Draco shock himself back to reality before looking to Harry again, a sneer on his face, "Disgusting." Was all he said as he too left the library, Blaise following right behind.

Harry stood there as Draco's words reverberated through his mind. To hear someone say what you have been thinking of yourself seemed to hurt more, no matter who it was from. Harry felt his legs shaking and all he wanted to do was find Malfoy and punch him until the walls were colored with his blood. He wanted to find Alex and have him quartered just for what happened. He wanted to find Blaise and stab his eyes out with his wand. However, what he wanted to do most was get this pain to go away. Though that would have to wait till tonight. Sufficing with gripping his hands tight into fist's he reared back and punched the wall, holding in a feral roar in his chest. After a moment, as he let the pain of the sudden impact subside, he pulled his hand back and inspected it closely. There were some lacerations on his hand around his knuckles, and blood was beginning to pool in the wounds, though it wasn't bad. His hands color had gotten a blotchy red color to it and pale bits here and there. Sighing he pulled his wand out and cast a quick healing spell on it so it didn't look bad but in truth it was throbbing. Looking back on the shelf he grabbed the book he had come over here for and walked back to the table where Hermione still sat, completely absorbed into her book.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX - XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

As night finally came and classes were over many students could be found relaxing in their common rooms as the stress of the first week was now at an end, but there were two students that still worked on assignments not yet due. In the Gryffindor common room, off in the corner table, Harry and Hermione were just finishing the work for the next week. Giving a sigh of relief Harry sat his quill down and stretched with a loud yawn. All his joints popping from there lack of movement. As he finished stretching he gave a pleased sigh. "That felt great!" he mumbled and putting his elbow on the table and placing his head in his hand he just looked out the window, relieved he was no longer behind in his school work.

"Are you tired Harry?" Hermione asked as she finished putting her things away.

"A little but I'll be fine." Harry replied as he too began to put his things away.

Hermione gave him a worried look and bit at her lower lip. "Harry, if you're tired, why don't you just skip training tonight?"

Stopping what he was doing he looked at Hermione. "No, I'm going Hermione. This isn't just about protecting our minds from anyone who can use Occlumency or even Alex. For me it's for when I fight Voldemort."

"Harry… Even if you master Occlumency, if you don't take care of both your mind _and_ your body it won't matter in the end. Harry, you'll be vulnerable!"

Harry didn't say anything for a long time, just sat there in silence with Hermione for a while. He couldn't bring himself to tell her the truth, that if he didn't push himself, that if he didn't go, he would be bleeding himself out for all that's been going on with Alex, along with those dreams that have been plaguing him. He couldn't tell her that, she would only worry more, so all he did was slip on a friendly smile and looked to her through false eyes. "Don't worry Hermione I'll be fine."

"Harry, ever since V-Voldemort was spotted at the Ministry of Magic last year, and everyone knows he's alive, ever since the Death Eaters that were captured in the department of mysteries were thrown into Azkaban prison, I've been worried. With Voldemort not making a move to free his followers and there haven't been any killings or strange disappearances, all I tend to do now a days is sit on the edge of something and wait to see when things will happen… Harry, it's not just concern for you but also fear."

She didn't have to say anymore nor did he have to pierce through her mind to see what she meant. "Hermione… your parents are going to be fine and I'm not going to die without a fight. That's why I need to push myself to learn this. So when the time does come to fight, I stand a fighting chance and I'll win."

Hermione could only look at Harry for a moment after he finished speaking. She looked down to her hands that lay clasped in her lap as the words continued to reverberate through her mind. "Just for victory… right Harry?" She whispered still not looking back up to Harry.

"Right." Was all Harry could say as he picked up his bag. He decided to give her some time alone. "I'm going to go ahead, I'll see you there?" He asked only leaving to the boys dorm room when he saw her nod. As he walked up the stairs he turned to the noise of a chair scraping the floor a saw Hermione get up and begin to head up to the girls dorm room as well. He did not fail to notice the tears that were beginning to bud in her eyes either. Perhaps later he would talk Ron into going to talk to her sometime to try and calm her down. Speaking of which he might as well go tell Ron he's going to train now so he wouldn't go looking for Harry later on.

_**XxXxX—XxXxX—XxXxX**_

Walking into the familiar office of the headmaster Harry stood for a bit just looking about him. Though he has been here many nights now he still found himself in awe, just like when he had first seen the office. His eyes bouncing around examining the room, looking to see if there was anything new or changed. It was still a large beautiful and circular room, still filled with funny noises from the various contraptions around here. A number of silver instruments Harry didn't really understand or even know what they were still resided on spindle legged tables, whirring and puffing out puffs of smoke.

Walking closer to them to get a closer look, Harry recognized one or two of them as the ones he had broken last year when he had been trapped in the office after Sirius' died. He ran his hand over them briefly wishing he could take back all the vicious words he had spoken and for all the damage he had caused due to his anger. Letting out a sigh his eyes finally moved away from the silver objects and started inspecting the sleeping portraits of the previous headmasters and headmistress of Hogwarts. Near the other wall of the room, away from the door, was a large claw footed desk that Harry had grown so used to seeing Dumbledore behind and waiting he was surprised to see him missing from it. Though sitting on top of the desk proudly was the Gryffindor sword. Behind the desk on a shelf resided an old and tattered looking hat, Harry knew quite well that that hat was in fact the sorting hat.

Lost in his thoughts he was jostled out of them by the soft call of a phoenix, turning slightly he also caught the gentle sound of flapping wings. When he had fully turned he saw Fawkes fly gently and smoothly to him and land on his shoulder. Fawkes stayed there for a while allowing Harry to pet him before casting one last call out before returning to his golden perch by the door. Smiling to himself Harry found he was slightly grateful that the office hadn't changed. This office seemed as though it was his constant in this changing world, and Dumbledore as unchanging as this room.

As Harry stood there, again lost in thought, he failed to notice Dumbledore come up to him from behind. "I see you've already arrived Harry, where is Miss Granger?"

"I thought I'd let her have some time alone. Perhaps we could go ahead and get started tonight sir?"

"Very well then, so you wish to start and not wait for Miss Granger?"

"I just thought Hermione would want some time, she's just been stressed, and I wanted to go ahead and start now. This way we won't have to be at it most of tonight since Hermione was saying she was tired earlier today." Harry lied smiling a fake smile. Part of him wondered if Dumbledore could tell but he wasn't going to risk it.

"Very well then, let us begin." And with that, both pulled out their wands and faced each other.

_**XxXxX—thirty (30) minutes later—XxXxX**_

As Hermione ascended the spiral stairway to the headmaster's office, her eyes slightly blood shot and puffy looking, she came to a halt in front of the large doors. Taking one last breath to steady herself, she raised one shaky hand tentively towards the door knocker and halted all movement when she heard a large crash and grunt come from inside the room. Shocked to hear the sudden, painful sounding noise, she lowered her hand and pressed herself to the thick door so she could hear what was going on inside. Her eyes slid shut and her breathing steadied, coming to a near stop so she would be able to hear properly and not become distracted by any sound or rustle of robes.

"Harry are you alright?" Came Dumbledore's voice, sounding as though he was moving across the room.

"Yes sir… I guess I just lost my footing or something." Harry's voice came from inside the room as he rose from where he had fallen. A shattering sound again came to Hermione's ears. "Sorry sir, I didn't mean—"

"It's quite alright Harry… Now care to guess how you moved from the middle of the room all the way to the wall?" Dumbledore questioned. Hermione's eyes went wide from hearing that.

"…M-my footing?" Harry answered feebly.

"…" Dumbledore said nothing.

"Sir?"

"It was your defense Harry. No matter how hard my magic pounded against your barrier it wouldn't budge. What threw you across the room was the sheer force we were using. In the end you were thrown as your barrier stood strong." Dumbledore finished, pride and worry laced together in his voice.

"I understand… Sir can we try—"

"That is enough for right now. It is now Miss Granger's turn. You may come in now." Dumbledore called to her making Hermione jump.

Quickly Hermione grabbed hold of the door handle and pulled it open. Stepping into the office she found Harry, slightly leaning against a shelf and Dumbledore standing between herself and Harry. "I'm sorry sir, I didn't mean to eavesdrop on you two but… but there was a smash and—"

"Do not worry yourself Miss Granger. I knew you were there so there is no reason to apologize. Now if you would, please come in and close the door." Dumbledore said gesturing her into his office.

Nodding Hermione fully walked into the office, closing the door as she entered. "Have you two already begun practicing?"

Dumbledore only smiled to her as Harry walked, slightly unsteady, to a vacant chair and picked up a half full glass of water and began to drink. Just looking at him as he sat there Hermione could tell he was pushing himself hard tonight. "We did, but Harry can only go so far with his exhaustion. Now Miss Granger, since you have arrived precisely at nine, are you prepared to begin?" Dumbledore said pulling Hermione's mind back to the task at hand.

"Yes sir!" she said moving further into the room and drawing her wand.

"Then let us begin." And with that Hermione faced Dumbledore.

_**XxXxX—hour and forty-five minutes later (1.45)—XxXxX**_

Hermione collapsed onto her knees on the floor, her breath coming out in pants. She was exhausted and her legs were unable to hold her up any longer. She sat there as she felt her muscles scream out, her body tempter was lower then normal but she could feel a flush on her face. "Are you alright Hermione?" Harry asked as he rushed to his friend's side, kneeling down beside her.

"F…fine… just a little tired… is all." She stuttered out looking up to Harry. "I just need to rest a bit and I'll be fine." She finally said, a little stronger then before but still in a weak sounding voice.

"You should rest for a moment then Miss Granger, Harry if you would like we could continue from earlier or we can call it a night." Dumbledore said. "I will be the one to guard against you this time if you wish to keep going."

Harry nodded, summoning the other glass of water for Hermione before he stood up. "Thank you Harry." Hermione said before she started to drink the liquid greedily.

"Its fine, now you just rest a bit." Harry said smiling down at her before he turned his gaze to Dumbledore. "It's your turn to sit back and watch." Harry said as he pulled out his wand.

"You two should begin to practice wordless magic when you have free time. When you master this with words we will begin to try wordless." Dumbledore said with a smile. "But that is neither here nor there."

Harry nodded his head. He wanted to try doing wordless magic since he knew if he didn't have to call any magic out it would be much safer for when he fought Voldemort. He would stand so much of a better chance against him then. Raising his wand he faced Dumbledore, the only person Voldemort feared, and began to try and pierce through his mind. It wasn't as though this was the first time he had done this, wasn't the first time he had turned his wand on Dumbledore in this office, and even though they had done all of this before he had yet to pierce the man's mind. Though Harry was becoming better at guarding his mind against intruders.

"Legilimens!" Harry said feeling as his magic move through him, as though originating from his mind and moving out, down his arm, through his hands, and out his wand straight to Dumbledore. It felt as though it was a long rope stretching out to grab at the thoughts, memories, and feelings that lay inside the old mans mind, but when it reached Dumbledore it only bounced off the barrier he had erected.

Even though there was a barrier Harry continued held the spell, refusing to relinquish his efforts to pierce through to Dumbledore's mind. However, as he continued his spell there was something inside him twisting and turning, as if waking up and trying to get out of the prison that held whatever it was dormant. Harry could feel his magic shifting from strong to weak and then back again, but he paid it no heed and tried to ignore the feeling of something inside him wriggling into his mind. That was all there was before it happened. Harry was tossed into the background of his mind by someone, something, who had been watching impatiently. Harry was no longer in control.

Hermione still sat on the ground, now an empty glass in her hands, as she continued to watch the two others in the room. She was really impressed by how much stronger Harry had gotten in the short amount of time they had been working with Dumbledore. She had grown up with him, she was the one who told him about the books that had been published about him, watched him in many of their classes so if he ever needed help she would be able to help, and she even helped with any relationship problems he had. Though she had an inkling many of the relationship "issues" had revolved around him hanging out and being such good friends with her, another female. Though they had been together for so long it still took Hermione a moment to realize that there was something different about Harry, that something had changed almost as though he was no longer himself. Looking to Dumbledore she saw that he too had noticed this change, he seemed confused and slightly worried. Worried for her friend she stood up on her unsteady legs, she wondered what she could do, how she could help her friend.

'_My friend do you hear me? I need your help, please allow me. I swear you'll be safe.'_ Hermione heard Harry's voice reverberate in her mind, but he sounded different, as if older somehow.

'_Harry? Yes of course I'll help, what do I need to do?'_

'_Just stand right there.'_ Was all he said and so she did.

It was a strange feeling that suddenly enveloped her. There was a large amount of magic moving through her body that was not her own, that did not belong to her. In Hermione's opinion it felt like a warm breeze, just instead of going around her as a breeze does it ran through and within her. It wasn't painful at all, in fact it felt quite pleasant. She had been worried at first when it hit her but when she noticed it was coming from Harry her worry vanished. It was her friend's magic so she knew it wouldn't hurt her in anyway if he could help it. It was around that moment that she saw flashes of memories that were not her own flash through her mind.

The magic that hit Dumbledore from off to the side was a surprise to say the least and all he could do in that instant was watch as his memories flashed through his mind. He closed his eyes in misery as he realized the memories he was now seeing were not current recollections but those of the past. He hoped Harry would not think any less of him as they rushed through his mind, as one in particular ran through his mind.

Harry could not see what was going on, or hear what was happening, he could only feel his magic though. It was stronger magic though, the kind he only felt when he was furious or scared, but he knew it was his own magic somehow. Suddenly he was assaulted by visions, memories of a past that was not his. However, he did know whose they were. "Dumbledore…" he felt himself mumble.

They were flashes though, moving so quickly they bleed together and the words were jumbled together, he did not know for sure what was said but he was able to catch some words every now and again. There were so many memories, some filled with the same people, but there was a young man and a little girl that seemed to be at the center stage of most, if not all, of these memories. The little girl had long shining blond hair and empty blue eyes, but they weren't dull. They shimmered with some inner light that seemed as though it was dampened by something. The young man seemed to always be smiling and have an attractive face through most of the memories. His hair was a golden color as well and seemed to have a halo on his head. Then a certain memory hit him.

The blond man was resting, naked and sweaty, his chest rising and falling in a steady rhythm. A younger Dumbledore lay beside him, also naked and sweaty just as the other was. He was propped up on his elbow facing the man as his other hand stroked through the blonds hair. There was a serene look on Dumbledore's face and his smiling lips parted and said one word, "Angel" before both he and Dumbledore reacted.

Sickened by the vision Harry cut the connection as Dumbledore threw his barrier back up also cutting the connection from his end. Harry, in his one act of taking control back, was then thrust back in the foreground of his mind as what ever had been in control was thrown back in the recesses of Harry's mind, back into its prison.

It was a strange sensation that filled Hermione suddenly. When Harry had cut the connection the feeling of a warm breeze began to slow and before it had fully exited Hermione's body safely Dumbledore's split from his side of the connection reached her she felt wrong. She felt as though she were being squeezed by the two separations almost simultaneously. Her breath caught in her lungs as they froze and her heart rate speed up at the same time. When both ends reached her fully she felt as though she had been hit by a speeding car and her body was flung backwards by the sheer force.

"HERMIONE!" Harry yelled as he and Dumbledore ran to her side.

Dumbledore reached Hermione before Harry, who slid to a halt beside her and kneeled down. Dumbledore quickly checked her pulse. Harry could only kneel beside her and look to Dumbledore to hear what he said. Harry was scared and wondered what had happened in the moments he had lost control. "Is she…"

"She's fine Harry." Dumbledore said as he released her wrist and lifted her up into the air in one fluid movement. "Wait here, we will talk when I return." and with that he swept out of his office with the unconscious Hermione in his hold.

Harry could just stand there not understanding a thing that had just happened and denying what he had seen. It confused and sickened him at the same time, he could feel his blood drain from his face and the contents of his stomach churn. He moved quickly to the bin next to Dumbledore's desk so not to get sick all over Dumbledore's office. As he crouched over the trash bin on his knees, his hands holding its sides, and looked down at his sick he felt the familiar prickling behind his eyes. There were now only two questions floating around in his mind at that moment: _Was Hermione alright_; and _was what he had seen really real_? It was so confusing. He could not even understand all of what had happened. Shaking his head he decided to just worry about Hermione for right now and confront Dumbledore about what he had seen later. Waving his wand over the bin to clean it of his sick mess he stood back up and straightened his robes before he began pacing the room.

_*__**Click, click, snore, wheeze**__* _He didn't know exactly how long he had been pacing Dumbledore's office or how long ago Dumbledore had left with Hermione in tow. He had hoped she was okay from whatever had happened and that Madam Pomfrey was able to heal her, but with the amount of time he had been waiting he began to wonder. Harry would pace and chew on his nail before his gaze would turn to the window in the office and he ran his hand through his hair frustrated before turning to the door and then beginning to pace again in regular intervals. As he walked passed a particularly loud sleeper he began to wonder if the portraits of the previous headmasters and headmistresses were really sleeping or if they were just faking it. With all the noise that had happened earlier that night how could they still be sleeping? Ever since the incident with Mr. Weasley last year and he had seen how they would fake sleep until they were needed, or just so they would not be caught eavesdropping, he stopped really believing that they were sleeping.

Before Harry had become too lost in his musing's the door to the office swung open and Dumbledore entered, the doors swung shut behind him. He didn't spare Harry a word or even a glance as he walked over to his desk and begun writing something on a spare piece of parchment on his desk. To Harry it felt like Dumbledore had been writing for an eternity before he finished and folded it up and walked over to Fawkes, sending him away with it to some unknown destination.

"Sir?..." Harry spoke, unsure of what had happened or what was going on.

"That was a message to the Grangers, informing them of the situation." Dumbledore finally said still not facing Harry.

Worried, Harry gripped his hands into fists and continued to stand in his position. "What is the situation sir?"

"Hermione has been sent to St. Mungo's hospital due to the magical backlash she suffered… It is unknown if there will be any permanent damage, each case is different when it happens, we are just lucky she didn't die due to this, which can happen." Dumbledore said, turning to Harry and looking as though he was being pulled into some kind of nightmare he had already lived through. "Only time will tell if she will be able to recover." Dumbledore's eyes held a sorrow and remorse Harry didn't quite understand.

Harry felt himself go numb when Dumbledore finished, as though the worry he had been feeling had imploded in on him. All he felt now was shock and uncertainty. He had been thrust down a path he didn't know, plunging into something he didn't understand. He stood on the thresh hold of a war he wanted no part of! When he heard that Hermione may not live through what had happened or that there may be permanent damage because of him, his self-hate and loathing rose to a new high.

Exhaustion and stress finally mingling together in his body and they finally won a battle with him he didn't know he was even fighting and Harry fell into the dark oblivion of his nightmares.

**End Chapter Seven (7)**

**A/N: **Well that's the end of chapter seven, I hope you guys like it. I do apologize for how long it has taken me to post a new chapter but thankfully here it is. I was actually beginning to think even I wouldn't be able to post a new chapter since my life is taking so many turns and I'm hardly able to even sit down to think clearly anymore. I have placed another chapter story I have right now on hold, only re-writing chapters that have been posted due to the lack of inspiration to write anymore. I hope that this chapter pleases those of you still reading it and I hope by posting a new chapter even newer readers will come to find this story and hopefully enjoy it. I love working on this story precisely because unlike my other story this one plague's me and I ABSOLUTLY love Harry/Draco and the amount of fun I can have with this is unsurpassable. Don't forget to tell me what you all think, and as always thanks for reading!

_**A/N 2!...**_ Re-write for Chapter Seven COMPLETE! Wow, this one was kinda fantastic with errors… huh. Anyway, I fixed it up and hope it's a little bit better. I've been working really hard and should be finishing up my re-writes soon. I've been pumping out one to two chapters a day and I can't wait till I get to the new chapter's! I still have my LJ account (URL found on profile/bio page) and still need some advice/help on how to work that so any help would be awesome ^^ When things heat up in this story I'm thinking I may edit it ever so slightly for this sight and put the more "GAH!" or "Hey lemon!" on my LJ account so I don't get in trouble here… (Don't worry I'll let you know if I do and that decision is still up in the air)


	8. Chapter 8

_**Summary: **_Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts is filled with taunting dreams and dark secrets. Sirius' death fresh in his mind and bleeding in his heart, he finds his body taking the abuse for his pain as he blames himself. Harry Potter has fallen on hard times and this time he is not able to stand back up on his own, doesn't have the strength to stand back up on his own. How will he ever find his strength again to continue to battle against Voldemort whose power is growing at a rapid rate? Plus who is this new transfer student in Slytherin house that is following Harry around? A beautiful new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has also come to Hogwarts, but the question remains will she make it through the year or does this teacher have a secret agenda like all the others. Is Harry going to have to fight for his life as well as his friend's lives yet again this year with his will teetering over the edge about to fall? Find out in the story _**Longing to be Found**_.

_**Disclaimer: **_I do not own any characters, ideas, or location's, found in the _**Harry Potter**_ universe, it is property of J. K. Rowling, and found in movies produced byWarner Bros. The storyline concept for this particular fanfiction was created in the recesses of the twisted mind of this writer. I _do_ however own the two OC's (original characters) in this story so please do not copy them.

_**Warnings: **_DARK! Contains mature content and adult themes not suitable for young children. Slash **(male/male relationships ****beyond**** friendship; also known as yaoi)**, non-con **(rape)**, strong language, PWP at times, self mutilation, self gratification **(masturbation)**, OOCness, AU…

_**YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!...**_

_Rated:__M/NC-17  
Drama/Angst_

_**Longing to be Found…  
By: TwilightKitsune1**_

_**Chapter eight (8)  
- Doubt -**_

Harry could feel himself beginning to wake up, his senses re-awaken as his body was. He felt heavy, as though weighed down by some invisible force a top his body and his eyes were refusing to open. He heard footsteps on the floor and mumbled voices only a little ways away. He wondered slightly where he was, if he was still in the headmasters office, or if he had been moved somewhere else. As he lay there, half conscious and struggling open his eyes, he heard a familiar voice to his left. Concentrating, he tried to understand the words, to decipher who it was and understand why they were talking in such hushed voices.

"But Madam Pomfrey, _why_ can't I see Harry?" Harry heard the voice whine and knew it was Ron's voice.

Harry heard Madam Pomfrey give an exasperated sigh before answering. "Like I have explained before many times to you Mr. Weasley, I am under strict orders not to allow anyone in to see Potter until the headmaster has spoken with him." She seemed to pause a moment before speaking again. "Now seeing the time I am sure you are late for a class… I am sorry but you should leave now Mr. Weasley."

Harry could feel Ron's frustration from where he lay as if it were his own as he was turned away for how ever many times he had been trying to see Harry. Harry began to ponder about how long he had been here in the hospital wing, lying in this bed unconscious, unaware. He began to go over the events that lead to his inevitable collapse in Dumbledore's office. It was sudden but he recalled Hermione's form crumpling to the ground. He recalled his worry for his friend as she lay there unconscious probably due to all the magic he had unintentionally thrown at her, and he also recalled Dumbledore's words: '_Hermione has been sent to St. Mungo's hospital due to the magical backlash she suffered… It is unknown if there will be any permanent damage, each case is different when it happens, we are just lucky she didn't die due to this which can happen… Only time will tell if she will be able to recover._'

Fear and worry for his friend flooded over him like someone had just hit him with a pail of ice cold water straight in the face. Urging his body to fully awaken, to move, to open his eyes. Harry called upon every ounce of strength he had left to struggle fully awake so to speak with Dumbledore about the situation with Hermione. As Harry's eyes finally obliged their masters command and opened, the world seemed to exploded into a world blurred with too much light and color, swimming together causing his head to throb with its intensity. Slowly the world seemed to dull again and came into the normal blurry focus he had grown accustomed to all these years. Turning his head slightly from where he heard the voices earlier he found a small sitting table, and a curtain hiding his bed from view. Still struggling with his weight Harry slowly inched his way up to a sitting position and quickly skimmed his hand over the top of the sitting table. Thankfully the first thing his hand ran into were his glasses, so he quickly slipped them on and moved his legs towards the edge of the bed. Since he probably would not be allowed to leave he would at least look for Madam Pomfrey to send word to Dumbledore he was awake.

As he inched himself slowly off the mattress he had been laying in, it protesting to its occupant's sudden movement. He slowly lowered his feet to the floor and as soon as his bare feet touched the chilled marble ground below he shivered slightly. He shifted till he was full at the edge so he could get up and walk but had to stop for a moment to catch his breath having not moved in apparently a very long time since his body was sluggish and his movements hard on him. His hands were shaking and his arms did not approve of how much work they had to do and just sitting there willing his legs to strengthen, quickly he could feel his knees wobble without even having any weight on them. As he sat there cursing his bodies unwillingness to move he heard someone walking quickly towards his bed and stop just as suddenly at his curtains.

Looking up Harry half expected to see Ron standing there having snuck in, but his eyes only found a smiling Madam Pomfrey looking down at him. "Well, I'm glad you finally woke up Mister Potter. How are you feeling?" she asked walking towards him and placing a chilly hand on his head.

"Fine… Just a little weak I suppose." Harry said as he closed his eyes to the ice cold feeling that seeped into his body from her hand. "How long have I been here?"

"A little over two weeks now." she replied as she pushed Harry gently back onto the bed, his body obliging her command readily as Harry grumped about its inability to listen to him so readily. As she adjusted his sheets she finally looked back to him with a stern look. "I want you to stay here Potter. I'm going to send for the Headmaster, he wishes to speak with you straight away. Understood?"

Harry nodded to her words but before she could disappear behind the curtains Harry decided to ask. "Madam Pomfrey how's Hermione?"

Not turning to face Harry he heard her clear her throat before answering his question. "You're going to have to ask the Headmaster that Potter, I'm not sure myself… Though I believe she is alright. Now wait here and the Headmaster will be here shortly." And with that she was gone.

Harry laid there for a moment as he processed the information he had, or rather the lack there of. He now at least understood why his body was so uncooperative since he had been laying here in the hospital wing for so long. He wondered what was going on with Hermione and if she was okay, though knowing her when she finally is able to return to school she will be upset about all the work and classes she'd have missed. Smiling at the thought it took Harry a moment to notice sparkling blue eyes looking at him through half moon spectacles. "Professor Dumbledore!" Harry cried in surprise and sat up.

"Harry, its fine, you can relax." Dumbledore said kindly with a soft smile on his lips as he softly pushed Harry back down with a hand on his shoulder. "How are you feeling?"

"Kind of weak is all." Harry admitted to the Headmaster as he sat at the end of Harry's bed. "How's Hermione professor?"

Dumbledore placed his hand on Harry's leg in a reassuring motion. "She is doing well, and currently she is back at headquarters. Plans have been changed while you have been here Harry."

"What do you mean sir?" Harry asked still not understanding the situation. "Why isn't Hermione back at school?"

"Because not being here she is freer to expand her magic." Dumbledore stated simply.

Harry still didn't understand. Why was Hermione not back at school, why was he stuck here and receiving absolutely no visitors, and what plans had been changed while he lay here sleeping. "I don't understand." Harry admitted in defeat.

Dumbledore just smiled and shook his head. "I can't explain it all here, but I am able to tell you the rumor as to both of yours and Miss Granger's situation."

"What rumor?"

"The rumor that Hermione has turned against you and attacked." Dumbledore stated simply. "When that happened you attacked only in defense of your life and the fight took a lot out of you sending you to the hospital wing and Miss Granger to St. Mungo's."

Harry could only stare at Dumbledore in disbelief, not really understanding how anyone could even believe that rumor. "How—"

"We will speak about this later Harry, in my office, for right now you will need to make an appearance in your Defense Against the Dark Arts class. Do not speak to anyone about the rumor or what really happened." Dumbledore said standing up and beginning to leave. Stopping he turned on his heel and walked to Harry. "You are not to speak of this even with Mr. Weasley."

"What?" Harry asked sitting upright in protest as his strength returned at those words, "Why professor?"

"Because Mr. Weasley does not know Occlumency and teaching him that now would cause an eyebrow to be raised." Dumbledore stated with a sympathetic smile. "We will later but for now it has to be like this."

Harry felt upset since he would have to keep Ron in the dark on this but they had already come so far and finally they have Hermione in a position to be accepted into the Slytherins. Sighing heavily he nodded to Dumbledore. "Alright, but later we can tell him right?"

"Yes." Dumbledore reassured Harry. "Don't forget to get your work that you've missed while you've been here." And with that he was gone.

Throwing the sheets aside Harry began to push himself off the mattress again. He couldn't stay in bed any longer knowing he'd been there for so long. He understood less then he did earlier and the thought of the rumor that was spreading around the school made him feel slightly sick thinking people would actually believe something so ludicrous. He stood there for a moment, his legs shaking only slightly before his strength returned to them and he stood there. Looking back at the side table that had held his glasses he saw his wand also lay there. Grasping it in his hand he felt a surge of power, of strength rekindlelled, he felt whole again as though when he had been without his wand he had been torn in two. As quick as the feeling came it was gone again, but his strength remained, washing over him like a current.

Standing up he flicked his wand changing his clothes from what had been placed on him when he was brought here to tight denim black pants and a loose fitting dark blue tee-shirt. Running a tired hand through his hair and pulled on his cloak that was sitting on a chair at the foot of the bed he had occupied. After fully dressing he scanned around the room a moment to see if he had left anything, heaving a tired sigh he turned and headed for the exit. He needed to go to his dorm room and get his books before heading to class and hoped that as he did so his thoughts would fall into place as well.

As Harry walked the deserted hallways he felt guilty for having to hide what was going on from Ron. He actually wondered what he would tell Ron because Harry was sure Ron would ask what happened. He sighed to himself again as he walked into the Gryffindor common room. He was thankful most students were in their lesson's, except of course for the older students who had a free period, there were five of them still sitting in the common room. When they noticed it was Harry that had just entered they all stopped what they were doing and stared at him as he went upstairs towards the sixth years dorms. Before the door had even closed behind him fully Harry heard hushed voices talking quickly. It was obvious that they were talking about him and this damned rumor that was going around.

Harry quickly gathered his books and what notes he had from all of his classes he'd been to so far, he was going to probably head to the library when he finished his Dark Arts class and wait till it closed before heading to Dumbledore. Thinking of this he went to his trunk and opened it. Pulling out his invisibility cloak he shoved it into the bottom of his bag. It wouldn't do if he got caught in the hallways by anyone either before or after speaking with Dumbledore. As he finished gathering his things, as well as all the work he had finished thus far, he left the room. As he walked across the common room he ignored one seventh year that had obviously gathered up his courage while Harry had been up stairs, and rushed out of the portrait hole. As soon as he was outside of Gryffindor tower he quickly made his ways down the halls, not wanting to get cornered by anyone else wanting to know about what had happened between Hermione and himself.

As he entered the deserted hallways again his feet moved quicker then they had before, wanting to get to his first Defense Against the Dark Arts class for the year. As his foot steps echoed in the hall sounding loud in his ears, the eyes of some of the portraits followed him, their gazes questioning. He didn't pay attention to this though, trying to distract himself about how the new teacher would fair this year. It took him a while to realize someone was chasing and calling after him. "Harry!"

Turning and deciding to quickly excuse himself from the conversation he saw the last remaining Gryffindor Quidditch player from his first year coming towards him. "Hey Katie, what is it?" He asked as soon as she reached him. "Can this wait I'm going to be late for my Dark Arts class?"

"Sorry, it won't take long, besides I'm sure Professor McKnight won't care if you're a little late for her lesson since you just got out of the hospital wing." She said with a smile. "I was just wondering when you were going to start holding Quidditch try outs this year?"

"Oh right, I'll probably be holding them pretty soon, with in the week probably. You shouldn't worry though, your going to be on the team anyway."

"What! Harry don't play favorites! If you do there is a strong possibility you'd miss a great player. Just because I've been on the team with you since you started doesn't mean I'm the best we have. You can't choose some one because of seniority or just because they're your friends, it's got to be because of talent and skill." Katie lectured looking slightly scandalized.

Harry smiled and nodded, she really was a talented Quidditch player but he knew she was right on this point. "Alright you win, but I'm sure you'll make it. I mean you are a great player and cooperate great with the other members. You have a great skill and you've got wicked awesome talent." Harry complimented.

Katie blushed at Harry's words, "Thanks Harry."

"Hey it's the truth." Harry said honestly then thought for a moment. "So have you already had a lesson with the new Professor?"

"You mean Professor McKnight?" She asked, and with Harry's nod she answered, "Yeah."

"Is she any good or is she like Umbridge?"

"Oh she's great!" Katie answered. "She knows a lot, like Professor Lupin, who by the way is a teacher assistant since yesterday."

"Professor Lupin's back!"

"Yep, they both teach Defense against the Dark Arts… Hey Harry, can I ask you something?" Katie asked looking slightly uncomfortable.

Harry knew she was about to ask about the rumor and what had really happened. "Look I should probably get to class, I don't want to be too far behind… Thanks for reminding me about Quidditch try outs though."

"Oh hey no problem."

"See you later!" Harry said and with a nod he turned and left. He was happy Lupin was back but he was still curious about the new teacher, Professor McKnight. Thoughts of how 'great' Professor Moody had been went through his mind. '_Sure he was great, really knew his stuff about the dark arts. At least until he tried to kill me, used me to revive Lord Voldemort, and turned out to be a murdering psychopathic lunatic. Oh yeah, he was a five star, backstabbing, teacher. No really, he was great._' Harry thought bitterly.

As he stopped in front of the door he took a calming breath. He looked forward to seeing Lupin again, even though he probably was still not the same as he had once been. Even though he had never been told directly Harry knew Lupin blamed him for Sirius' death, Harry blamed himself for his death so he knew everyone else did too. He knew he was the reason, no one had to tell him that he was. As he thought this he closed his eyes in misery; he was the reason so many were in pain and suffering. He was the reason people died.

'_No your not._' A voice whispered in his mind causing Harry to snap his eyes open and go one alert.

'_Whose there!_' Harry questioned back in his mind.

There was no reply, no one was around, Harry was completely alone in the hallway. As he continued to survey the area he saw no one and became wary. Deciding it would do no good to just stand there he turned back to the door and quickly entered.

As soon as he entered the class room he sourly wished he had just skipped the class as everyone inside turned their eyes to him. He wondered how he didn't see this coming, he would never know how he hadn't. "Ah, you're Harry I am guessing." The new Professor said with a smile.

She had obviously been in the midst of an explanation since she was standing in front of the class leaning against her desk with her arms crossed. Much like in the start of the year feast she wore a velvet witch's gown, though this one was a deep navy blue color, and was tight up until it reached her waist and then seemed to flow down to the ground. The sleeves of the gown were skin tight and the tops of it extended to the top of her hand and reached towards her middle finger while the bottom of the sleeves reached only enough to cover the heel of her hands before stopping. Her hair seemed to have gotten an even brighter red tent to it, though it was still a beautiful light brown color, and was done up in a tight ponytail. Throughout the ponytail Harry could see a few small braids and there were also some strands of hair that hung loose from the ponytail and framed her face. She raised one of her eyebrows to him and her ice blue eyes with flecks of green danced happily at him with a shadowed amusement.

"Yes," Harry said and closed the door behind him. "Sorry I'm late."

"No need to worry, no need to worry. Next I'll hear you apologizing for being laid up in the hospital wing. I'm very pleased you decided to join us though, I've known some to skip a lesson if they could. Feigning illness or something to that respect." She said with a smile. Lifting her right hand from her left arm she gestured towards her left. Harry's eyes following it until he spotted Ron in the second row to her left. "Your friend has been insisting you would be here sooner or later and thus provided an empty chair during all my lessons for you. If you would take your seat I shall continue." She said not really needing an answer.

Not needing to be told twice Harry quickly moved to his chair next to Ron and sat down on his friend's right.

Ron looked over to Harry with a smile and a blush on his ears. "Hey mate how—"

"All conversations can be held, all questions can wait until the end of our discussion and our lesson. Oh and Harry if you would see me when class is over for your missing work." She finished with only a sideways glance to the two.

Harry nodded, so far she was kind and stern, much like Professor McGonagall. He couldn't tell if she was a good teacher or an infiltration from Voldemort, and he felt uneasy. There was something in her eyes he hadn't noticed earlier, a cold scrutiny she gave to everyone, and her awareness of her surroundings was slightly scary and reminded him greatly of how Moody seemed to have eyes in the back of his head. Though no matter what he was always brought back to her eyes. They seemed so cold and distant, but at the same time warm and comforting. They were like Sirius' eyes in a way. What made him the most uneasy though was she felt as powerful as Dumbledore when he used magic, but she was just standing in front of the class with a smile playing on her lips.

Harry quickly withdrew his eyes from her, scared he would be sucked into their depths, and looked around the room curious as to who he had this lesson with and if he could find Lupin. As he looked around the room he noticed this was a mixed class, much as his other classes have been, students from all houses were in the class. He didn't know many people there, Ron the only one he would talk to on a regular basis, but he did spot Dean and Seamus near the back across the room. He also spotted one person he really wished he didn't have anymore classes with, Draco Malfoy. As Harry spotted Malfoy their eyes locked, both glaring at the other, and Harry prayed to whatever god would hear him that he did not have a repeat of what happened in the dungeons.

"Alright now where was I?" Professor McKnight asked herself pulling Harry's attention back to the front and breaking the glare that he had with Malfoy, her eyes closed in thought. "Ah yes, defensive spells." She said and her eyes snapped open.

"I'm sure some of you have heard of the bubble charm yes?" A few students nodded their heads. "Good, now as all of you know there are a variety of attacks from multiple witches and wizards, as well as from many creatures that roam our land. Now for the sake of argument who knows what has more of a variety?" she asked the class.

A Ravenclaw student raised his hand, unsure. "Yes mister… Micah?"

"Um, wizards and witches?" he answered obviously unsure of his own answer.

"Well we do have multiple spells for multiple reasons but I am talking of attacks and sad to say creatures win out. Now do any of you know as to why?"

This time Draco raised his hand which caused a smile to spread across Professor McKnight's face. "Mister Draco?"

"Because there are so many in this world." Draco said matter of factly.

"Correct. Now because there are so many, some not even recorded yet, we have to take extra careful care when dealing with an unknown creature to avoid having ourselves in a very serious and potentially deadly situation." She stood from her desk and began to walk down the isles as she spoke, everyone's attention on her. "Now because there are so many it is hard to remember the correct method of protection at times when you have to think quickly to avoid death and this spell is generally the best bet you can have."

As she was walking a Hufflepuff student raised her hand in question. "Yes miss Tracy?"

"I was just wondering, the bubble charm, isn't that the spell you use when you go under water?"

"A good question. In a way yes, but that is an augment of this spell to hold oxygen inside while you dive to deep depths while this bubble charm will cover your whole body and protect you from external harm."

"I see… then Professor is it harder?"

"Only just miss Tracy, only just. Now you see with this bubble charm the only thing that causes it to be difficult is that you _must_ stay focused and you can _not_ move your feet from the ground under any circumstances, other wise it will be as though you never cast the spell at all. Though another bothersome thing in my opinion is the fact it is so long winded." She said and a few students laughed at this. "Now does anyone know of any creature this spell would be fruitless against?"

This time Harry raised his hand, "Ah, Mister Harry, first day here and you think you have the answer, eh?"

"A Dementor would probably be one."

Professor McKnight smiled at him and nodded. "You are correct, I see now why this is one of your best subjects. Now do you know why this spell would be pointless?"

"Because a Dementor could probably just float right through it. The only spell that works on a Dementor in the Petronius spell which also takes a lot of your concentration." Harry answered wondering if that was right.

She winked at him and said. "Five points for Gryffindor. You are correct Harry."

Harry heard some of his house silently applaud the increase in points Harry had just afforded them as a few Slytherins sneered at them, mainly at Harry. "Now does anyone else know another creature this spell wouldn't work on?" Before Harry had time to think he heard her say, "Yes Mister Draco."

"Any one that has a big enough mouth to eat you whole." Draco said casually.

"Five points for Slytherin. You are correct. If you are up against a creature that can swallow you whole in one bite it will not help to have the spell in effect since it will easily gobble you up straight away. Now can any one else guess as to why it is so hard for one to stay concentrated on this spell?" she asked, "Miss Lavender?

"It's because you got something coming at you right?"

Professor McKnight laughed softly, her laughing sounding like the soft tingling of bells in Harry's ears. "In a way yes. Say your not up against a creature that's got magic, it's just a normal giant or troll, and he's swinging his massive club at you. Yes the club does not hit you, but that is not to say you don't feel the violent vibrations that, at times if you're not careful, can knock you right onto your arse breaking your concentration and stand, thus ending the spell. Generally this spell is used against low level magic or a sound thrashing you'll get from one upset creature. Now can anyone guess as to why it's not a good idea to use this spell against strong spells?"

No one raised their hands causing the professor to raise an eyebrow to the class. "Oh really, none of you know?"

"Professor." Harry said as he raised his hand, he might as well try to give an answer.

"Yes Harry, go on give me your answer." The professor said sweeping towards him, her shoes clicking against the marble floor.

"The stronger the spell is, the more malice and ill will is in it, and the less likely it will be for a novice witch or wizard to block. I mean if you can feel the vibrations from a club beating at you there is a chance you can feel the spells assaults too. I mean this spell is probably stronger and varies for each person that cast's it depending on their magic."

Professor McKnight nodded her head, "Five more points for Gryffindor. Yes Harry that is exactly what I was getting to. If you are say a novice and you're going against some one who was not only more powerful then you but has a more practical use and skill in magic, then this spell means nothing. A strong wizard or witch can easily cast strong leveled spells through this as though they were never there." As she finished saying this she moved back to the front of the class.

"Now the movement for casting this charm is slightly different then the normal swish and flick, though it is simple so long as you don't go crazy with it. I have seen a person be turned the opposite direction in a fight because they got to carried away and by doing so nearly got killed when he moved to right his mistake." She said with no hint of humor in her eyes, she was serious with what she said. "Now step one, take your wand and point it to the ground behind you." As she said this she had her wand in hand and showed them what she meant, pointing it to the ground behind her. "Step two, move the wand in an arc above your head to get it to the front of you," as she spoke she slowly moved her wand from pointing behind her, going above her head pointing at the ceiling, and ended it with pointing at the ground in front of her. "Once here it has to be pointing back at the ground, though this time in front of you. Now I want you all to get up and try it out yourselves."

Everyone pulled out their wands and stood up. Before Harry could even move away from his desk it jumped to the wall, with all the other desks, giving the students more space to do the exercise and leaving their chairs beside them so when she continued they could sit back down. Professor McKnight nodded her head and turned it slightly to her right, this action caught Harry's eye. "Professor Lupin, if you would please assist me in this lesson I would greatly appreciate it."

Hearing Lupin's name Harry's head shot around to stare at the darkened corner he had thought to be empty, but there sliding from a chair that was over there Professor Lupin stood up. "It would be my pleasure." He said with a curt nod.

He was, in Harry's opinion, looking much better then he had this summer. His hair, though still having its regular grey's, seemed less shabby as it had been and there were less grey's then Harry had thought he'd have since new ones seemed to spring up every week while Harry saw him. Though he still wore his patched suit it wasn't wrinkled as though he never removed it when he slept. His skin, though not as healthy looking as Harry would have hoped, wasn't sallow looking anymore. He'd obviously been eating far more regularly then he had and sleeping regularly since Harry could hardly see the bags under his eyes. Harry could tell as Lupin made his way towards Ron and himself that he wasn't drinking as regularly either since he wasn't staggering or baring the stench of strong alcohol. What made Harry smile with relief was that Lupin's eyes weren't dull; they held sorrow yes, but they had it, they weren't empty anymore.

Harry smiled up at Lupin when he stood next to Harry. "How are you feeling?" Lupin asked with genuine concern.

"Much better. So you're a teacher again? That's wicked!" Harry said to Lupin as Ron did an arc over his head with his wand, slowly.

"I'm a teachers assistant Harry, not a teacher." Lupin corrected him.

"Right, well it's still brilliant!" Harry said as he too began the movements Professor McKnight had shown them as she walked past. "So Dumbledore was able to get you a full time position on staff?"

"In a way." Lupin replied as he adjusted Ron's wand slightly. "We'll talk about this later though, alright?"

"Yeah, of course!" Harry said with a broad smile as Lupin nodded, giving a small smile to Harry, as he moved to assist other students.

As Lupin moved away Ron moved closer to Harry and under his breath asked, "So what do you think?"

"About what?" Harry asked, both still doing their wand movements.

"This Professor McKnight?"

"Ron, not here." Harry hissed as she continued to correct people a little ways away.

"Right, sorry mate… So how are you feeling?"

"Sick of people asking me that." Harry said with a sigh. He really wondered if people were going to be asking that to him all year. "Sorry Ron, it's just that I keep hearing someone ask me that same question every time I turn around. It's just getting a little repetitive is all."

"Right, I understand… So Harry can I ask you something else then?"

Harry smiled to himself. "It's Quidditch."

"What?" Ron asked, not understanding him.

"How I keep my body in shape, it's because of Quidditch."

Ron's ears blushed the same color as his hair and he shook his head. "No I wasn't going to ask that again."

Harry sighed, "I know…"

"Huh?"

"You want to know what happened to me and Hermione right?"

"Yeah." Ron said in a hushed voice and moved a little closer to Harry so he didn't miss anything Harry said.

Thinking for a moment Harry closed his eyes, he was torn. He wanted to tell Ron what was really going on and what really happened but they had gotten so far he knew he couldn't just throw it all away. "Sorry Ron, I… I'd rather not talk about it." Harry finally answered and looked to his friend.

"Oh… right… Yeah, don't worry about it. When you're ready right?"

Ron's hurt eyes hurt Harry worse then anything Voldemort, the Death Eaters, and his uncle combined could ever do to him. "Just do me a favor alright?"

"Yeah?"

"Be careful." Harry said not meeting his friend's eyes. He knew he had to, Hermione was doing her part so Harry knew he had to do his and plant the seeds of doubt. "You never know who you can trust."

"Oh… yeah right." Ron said. Harry heard his thoughts though, '_Oh god, Hermione switched sides!... I got to try and get her back!_' Harry smiled, Ron really was a true friend to those he cared for. Steadfast to the end.

They continued the wand exercise for five more minutes before Professor McKnight called out an end to it as she moved back to the front of the class as Lupin took his seat in the front of the class, off to Professor McKnight's right. "Very good, very good, now some of your are moving a bit slow but you all have the movement down packed I do believe. We'll now begin practicing the words for the spell. If you would all sit down I'll move your desks back to their proper spots."

As she finished everyone sat back in their seats and as soon as everyone was seated, with both her wand and hand moving in towards each other, the desks were back to their proper spots as though they hadn't been moved. "Alright, this spell is long winded I warn again and _must_ be spoken as your wand moves from pointing to the ground behind you to the ground in front of you, and it must be finished as it reaches its last point to pointing in front of you. The incantation is '_a malum terminus et terra_'. Please try saying it with out your wands, a few times to yourselves."

The room was suddenly filled with people trying out the words as Professor McKnight walked through, some stumbling over a pronunciation here or there, but when she caught them she corrected their mistake. "Remember the quicker you can say the spell the better because I can assure you if it is a time that this spell is needed, your opponent, or opponents, will not wait for you to cast it. Trust me when I say if you are in battle no one in this life will wait for you to say a spell."

She continued to walk through the room for a few minutes before walking back up to the front of the class and called them into silence. "Alright, now in our next lesson we will continue our study of deadly beasts and try out this spell that you have all learned today. I want you all to practice when you have time, have one of your friends cast a spell at you as you try it out, and when we next meet I will see your progress. Are there any questions?" she asked and when no one had any she smiled to them. "Then off you go, today's lesson is now over."

As everyone gathered their things Harry looked to Ron. "I'm going to be getting my work from the Professor's that I've missed and probably go to the library to work on it so people will be a little deterred to talking to me."

"Right." Ron said as he turned to Harry, his things already in his bag and smiled. "I can see how that's different from every other year." Ron joked.

"Yeah, but I can tell them to sod off or Madam Pince can, either way it'll at least be quieter." Harry said as he slung his bag onto his shoulder. He hoped going to the library to study would deter Ron from following him. Though he really did mean he would be doing missing work till the library closed. He wanted to distance himself from Ron right now and he was definitely going to see Dumbledore to find out what the bloody hell was going on. "I'll be there till the library closes so I can get as much work as I can done."

"Yeah right, that's the real down fall for being unconscious in the hospital wing for two weeks. You better be careful mate, you're starting to sound like Hermione." Ron joked before realizing what he said. "Sorry." he whispered looking down obviously hoping he hadn't upset Harry.

"Its fine, look I'll head up to the dorm later on tonight. I'll see you alright." Harry said then turned around and walked away from Ron and towards Professor McKnight who was talking with Lupin.

**End Chapter Eight (8)**

**A/N: **That's that for this chapter. I think it's a bit long and well, all over the place, but I guess it'll do for now. So what do you guys think? I have now officially introduced my other main OC (original character), how is she? Oh, and Lupin's back and apparently looking better then he did this summer after Sirius' has been dead; huh I wonder what happened? Teehee, I know what happened but I'm not letting it out of the bag yet. As for the Quidditch I might as well tell you I'm not sure if it'll be very present in the story, I'll do the try outs for the team and maybe one game against Slytherin (who'd have guessed?) but so far that's all I have planed out.

Now as for the spell '_a malum terminus et terra_' it's just Latin meaning, 'limiting boundary and land from evil'. I am not that great with Latin so I have a sneaking suspicion that I messed it up, but hey I'm trying and I'm telling you what I meant it to be. If anyone knows whether or not it's right let me know please.

Don't forget to leave me your thoughts on the story so far, I want to hear what you guy's think and if anyone can make a guess as to whose who and what's what and what the future holds other then Draco/Harry. I'll tell you if you're right or wrong; whether you're hot or cold. Oh, this chapter probably has a few mistakes here and there but I wrote it with in the five hour time limit I have right now so please forgive any mistakes and just let me know. If there really BIG mistakes I'll go back and fix them AND give you, who ever is able to find them and tell me, a cookie! As always thanks for reading!

_**A/N 2!...**_ And there is the re-write for Chapter eight, done. I still think this chapter is jumpy! As I was working on this chapter and re reading my author's note I might as well tell you reader's now… I'm not going to go crazy with the Quidditch :( I was thinking about it and I have the notes for it, it is just that it bores me to write it so-ooo much! I think that may have been one of the main reason's my updates stopped for a while/long ass time, I was on Quidditch and really, REALLY didn't want to write it... still don't honestly but the story must go on! Oh and as always I still have my LJ account (URL found on profile/bio page) and still need some advice/help on how to work that so any help would be awesome ^^ When things heat up in this story I'm thinking I may edit it ever so slightly for this sight and put the more "GAH!" or "Hey lemon!" on my LJ account so I don't get in trouble here… (Don't worry I'll let you know if I do and that decision is still up in the air)


	9. Chapter 9

_**Summary: **_Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts is filled with taunting dreams and dark secrets. Sirius' death fresh in his mind and bleeding in his heart, he finds his body taking the abuse for his pain as he blames himself. Harry Potter has fallen on hard times and this time he is not able to stand back up on his own, doesn't have the strength to stand back up on his own. How will he ever find his strength again to continue to battle against Voldemort whose power is growing at a rapid rate? Plus who is this new transfer student in Slytherin house that is following Harry around? A beautiful new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has also come to Hogwarts, but the question remains will she make it through the year or does this teacher have a secret agenda like all the others. Is Harry going to have to fight for his life as well as his friend's lives yet again this year with his will teetering over the edge about to fall? Find out in the story _**Longing to be Found**_.

_**Disclaimer: **_I do not own any characters, ideas, or location's, found in the _**Harry Potter**_ universe, it is property of J. K. Rowling, and found in movies produced byWarner Bros. The storyline concept for this particular fanfiction was created in the recesses of the twisted mind of this writer. I _do_ however own the two OC's (original characters) in this story so please do not copy them.

_**Warnings: **_DARK! Contains mature content and adult themes not suitable for young children. Slash **(male/male relationships ****beyond**** friendship; also known as yaoi)**, non-con **(rape)**, strong language, PWP at times, self mutilation, self gratification **(masturbation)**, OOCness, AU

…_**YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!...**_

_Rated:__M/NC-17  
Drama/Angst_

_**Longing to be Found…  
By: TwilightKitsune1**_

**Chapter nine (9)  
****- Explanations - **

As Harry finished his work in his Transfigurations, Care of Magical Creatures, Charms, and Defense Against the Dark Arts classes he sat his quill down and lifted his arms into the air to stretch and realign his spin from having been hunched over books for so long. Since it was only the beginning of the year most of the work had been fairly simple, only long and in depth, thus the reason for the countless books scattered across the table. This was also the reason why it hadn't taken him so long to finish these fairly simple assignments, smiling to himself he really was starting to act and sound like Hermione sometimes because to him these assignments had been first year stuff.

As his back popped in joy Harry lowered his arms and stood up to start to gather some of the books to put back on the shelf. He knew if madam Pince saw this mess with her "beloved" books she would act scandalized. Placing a few he knew he would need for other assignments aside he started to grab up the less useful ones. It was then he heard, "I see your alone scare head. I hear your mudblood finally wised up to you and decided to switch sides… I suppose she was going to realize who would win this war sooner or later." Came Draco's voice behind Harry.

Harry quickly straightened up and turned to face Malfoy, not wanting to give a clear shot to his back. "What do you want Malfoy?" Harry said in a cold voice as he began to feel uncomfortable.

Draco looked smug, his arms crossed over his chest. His platinum blond hair had grown over the summer. While still slicked back, it reached down to just above his shoulders. Draco was also still taller then Harry, not by much, but it still irked Harry to have to glance up to Malfoy in the slightest way. As always Malfoy still sported his expensive looking clothing. His black slacks seemed to gleam in the light, made from some expensive material, and his deep green button-up shirt also screamed of his wealth. Draco's skin though was still as pale, as it always looked, as though he never went outside or just sat in the dark and avoided direct sunlight for extended amounts of time. As well as his trademark grey eyes that were locked with Harry's emerald green eyes.

"I wanted to see if you'd be crying. I hear you do that a lot when things don't go your way…" Draco drawled looking around the library around them. Harry then realized that he had been working in one of the secluded parts of the library having desired peace and quiet, and he silently cursed himself for his foolish thinking. "I don't see the weasel around. I figured he'd be wanting you to lick his wounds while he licks your…" Draco pointedly looked down Harry's front. "Though maybe you wanted it the other way around?" Draco sneered with a laugh.

"If you don't sod off Malfoy!" Harry threatened, stepping forward and curling his hands into fists.

"What Potter, striking to close to home for you?"

Harry didn't say anything, only glared at Malfoy. "Malfoy, I think you're confusing me with yourself."

"Touchy Potter, as per usual. I suppose that's the best you have. I hear when you fought Granger you went a little nutty."

Harry tried not to shout out at Malfoy that Hermione wouldn't do that to him, that they were and still are friends, he had to hold back his words or else everything they had been preparing for would be thrown away. Malfoy after all was a Slytherin and probably one of the few who had inside information on every single one of the Slytherins and their parents. "Even if I am a little nutty from a traitor, it's nothing compared to your father."

"Watch your tongue Potter!" Malfoy warned his hand gripping tight.

"Or what, going to run to your father? Well a lot of good that'll do you, I see it now, '_Father, Potter is saying horrible things about you._'." Harry mocked in Malfoy's voice. "'_Don't worry son, our dark lord will save us and make all those filthy half breeds and what have you's pay for their treatment of us._' What your not getting Malfoy is Voldemort doesn't care about you, doesn't care about your dad, he doesn't care about any his '_followers_'. All that crazy lunatic cares about is power and complete domination over everyone."

"Tsk," Draco scoffed at Harry and thrust one of his hands in his pocket as the corner of his mouth twitched. "I'm not listening to you Potter, enemy of the Dark Lord. You'd say anything to save your own skin from him. Besides, no matter what you say of my father at least I've still got mine."

"We'll see for how long Malfoy. He failed in his task to his master, Voldemort, and incase you haven't figured it out, he's not such a nice guy to slap the back of his hand and say 'bad Malfoy'. If he's mad enough you won't be able to say that for long." Harry looked at Malfoy for a long while before he took a deep breath and finished. "And I'm sure he's not to happy with your mum either since she's his husband."

Draco didn't say anything, the words Harry had said had plagued him through most of the summer, he had feared them for most of the summer, and hearing them from the enemy of his Dark Lord made it seem all that much more real. "I don't care what you say… If the Dark Lord see's fit to punish them then so be it. I will still have my godfather."

"Malfoy you are such a git!" Harry yelled and as the words left his mouth both boys had their wands out and pointed at one another, both casting spells at each other.

Neither boy cared they were still in the library, though deserted, it was still a library. As Harry's spell left his wand he felt part of himself yelling for a stop to this fighting, but Harry ignored it. He didn't see the effect of his spell on Malfoy, being thrust backwards harshly, his back slamming into the table. As he fell forward he heard one of the books and a few papers he had placed close to the edge fall to the floor. A little ways in front of him he heard Malfoy slam into one of the surrounding bookshelves. Thankfully there wasn't a loud tumbling of books falling from the shelf.

Opening his eyes to try and see which book and papers had fallen, Harry gripped the table he'd been knocked into and pulled himself up. As he was fully standing pain erupted in his cheek and head and he was flung backwards by the force of it. Opening his eyes from the pain, his vision swimming, he realized he had been punched. Before he could even react he felt the weight of another's body on top of his own. Quick slender hands stole away Harry's wand from his slacked grip leaving him defenseless and vulnerable.

"Looks like I win Potter." Draco sneered down at him.

Though Harry didn't hear Draco's voice, didn't see Draco's face, it was Vernon's voice, Vernon's face that hovered above him. Harry snapped his eyes shut and his heart was pounding so loud he wondered briefly if anyone would hear it and come. His breath began to feel labored, coming out in shallow breaths of air. His body lost all its heat, draining all at once, and he felt as though he was going to be sick. '_Please let this only be a beating…_' Harry thought desperately. Harry's body began to tremble uncontrollably, so much so he didn't feel the slender piece of wood that had been pressed to his throat through most of this, be pulled away slowly.

Draco noticed all the subtle changes though, how Harry had snapped his eyes shut and how his color drained from his face leaving him pale. He caught how his breathing had increased and was coming out in shallow breaths. What had caught him off guard though had been the subtle tremors that were shooting through Harry's body. Yes, Draco had noticed all these things and slowly pulled his wand away from Harry's throat. When a whimper escaped from Harry's lips Draco narrowed his eyes. This was not the same Potter he had been rivals with for all these years. "Potter?" Harry's only response to Draco's words was to tighten his already closed eyes and bite down on his lower lip. "Potter look at me!"

That was all it took, the slightly curious and worried tone in the voice above him seemed to call him back into reality. Slowly opening his eyes and turning his head, Harry's confused emerald green eyes met the confused grey eyes of Draco's. All the tension in Harry's tensed body eased away, the color returning and his breathing seemed to slow. The vision of his uncle had been pushed away and now he was underneath one slightly confused looking Draco. "Malfoy?" Harry whispered quietly, their eyes not breaking apart from each other as though both scared to ruin this moment of… something. "What?—" Harry began but was cut off by the shocked gasp of someone not that far from them.

That was all it took to break their gaze. The moment they were sharing broken into small pieces and scattered into the winds. "What is the meaning? This mess! MY BOOKS!" Madam Pince cried out in fury. Both boys quickly vacated their spots on the table, both now very uncomfortable. "Answer me! What happened here?"

"I… See… Well…" Harry floundered for a moment trying to think of a way to explain what had happened without incurring Madam Pince's wrath. "It was an accident." Harry finished with a sigh. That had obviously not worked because he saw her lips thin and her eyes narrow at him, an angry blush coming to her cheeks.

"HEADMASTERS OFFICE NOW!" She all but screamed at them turning on her heel and leading the two out of the library, not trusting them to find the exit without causing more damage to her precious books.

_**XxXxX—XxXxX—XxXxX**_

"Madam Pince tells me an interesting story. Perhaps you can explain it to me form your side of things, hm?" Dumbledore said sitting behind his desk, a smile playing on his lips.

Harry and Draco stood in front of Dumbledore's desk, keeping as much space as they could between each other, and looking to the floor. Harry sighed and reached his hand up to fix his glasses. '_At least I'm here with no problems._' Harry thought bitterly before looking up to Dumbledore. "I really am sorry Professor. We just got… carried away." Harry finished feebly.

"And ended up on top of the table?" Dumbledore said with a hint of humor in his voice. "What were you doing that the two of you became so 'carried away' with that had the two of you in such a situation that the books and papers that should be on the table were replaced with the two of you?"

"…Fighting sir." Harry finally answered not looking at Dumbledore. It sounded worse then what it was when Dumbledore had said it like that, though for some reason he felt something inside him swell. Shrugging it off as only gas Harry paid it no more mind.

Dumbledore leaned forward and looked to Draco. "Mr. Malfoy, may I ask as to why you were found on top of Mr. Potter?"

Harry snuck a look over at Malfoy and was able to catch the slightest of blushes on his cheeks. Harry was pleased he was not the only one embarrassed by their situation. "I was going to hex him, sir." Malfoy answered without a moments hesitation, as though he were bragging about it. Though considering what it had looked like Harry could understand why. He had missed Malfoy's clenched fist's at first but caught them as they loosened again at his sides and Harry couldn't help but wonder why he seemed so… '_Was frustrated a good word?_' Harry thought to himself before glancing back to Dumbledore.

"I see." Dumbledore said before leaning back in his chair and surveying the two of them, stroking his beard in thought for a moment. "I am going to have to punish the both of you then, as I'm sure you both know, or else Madam Pince will never let me hear the end of this I'm afraid. Because of the severity of the attack, and the damage caused, this punishment will have to last till the Christmas vacation."

"WHAT!" Both boys shouted in surprise together. "But sir that's far too long." They echoed the same words again causing them to glare at each other.

"I believe it is long enough, and completely fair. You two will have shared detentions. Now the head of your houses will be notified and they will tell you when your first detention on Saturday will be served and where you will be located. I'm sure you two will have calmed down by then and you'll both be able to work peacefully together. If not then your detentions will be extended and lengthened."

"Yes sir." Harry said not looking forward to the coming Saturday as he had been earlier.

Malfoy said nothing, his face bland and bored looking. "Then you'll be messaging my mum of this then like the last time?"

"Yes Draco that, is our policy. Your guardians must be notified." Dumbledore said looking at Draco closely through his half moon spectacles.

Again Draco stood silent, not a word passed his lips after that and his stare was blank and bored looking and Harry couldn't help but wonder who Dumbledore alerted when he received detention. The Dursley's could care less and the Weasley's already have enough children to worry about. Perhaps when Sirius had been alive a message had been sent to him while he was out of Azkaban but that thought caused a knot to form in his stomach so Harry quickly pushed it away.

"Good, now the both of you return to your dorms." Dumbledore said dismissing them and turning to the parchment littering his desk.

"Professor may I speak with you for a moment?" Harry asked as Draco quickly turned and began to leave.

"Is it urgent Harry?" Dumbledore asked as Draco reached the door.

"Yes." Harry answered rubbing his cheek where Draco had punched him and Draco was gone from the office leaving the two of them in the room alone.

Dumbledore glanced at the closed door, not moving or saying a word until he was certain Draco was gone, listening to the fading of the footsteps on the spiral stair case. When they were gone he looked at Harry. "I presume that this is about Miss Granger then?"

"Yes sir, and also about what's going on?" Harry acknowledged.

"Sit down Harry, there is much we need to discus." Dumbledore said motioning to a chair that Harry quickly took finally realizing how weak his body had become after all of the excitement. "Miss Granger was unconscious for only two days. When she awoke she was tested and checked over. Rest assured that she is fine and came out of this with no damage or ill side effects. She spoke with me and we both thought it would be best if she not return to the school immediately. It would be better to stay at a distance to perfect her Occlumency.

"As for the rumor that has been spread, that was my doing I'm afraid. After I placed you in Madame Pomfrey's care I recalled the idea Miss Granger had and the fact you supported it, so I put it in motion with the help of a few Hogwarts portraits. At the moment it is just a rumor but if you wish, now that you are conscious, we can make it into reality." Dumbledore finished with a serious look.

Harry cast his eyes down to his clasped hands and released his breath he had been holding in worry for Hermione. After allowing his relief to roll over him in a tidal wave he looked back up to Dumbledore and nodded. He didn't want to think on this subject any more, didn't want to debt it in his mind any more, didn't want to think of all the possible things that could go wrong. They'd already made the plan so there was no turning back now since they had gotten so far. Harry closed his eyes for a moment. '_Hermione can do this… We've trained for this… She'll be in the perfect position if we do this now._' Harry thought to himself before he opened his eyes and looked up to Dumbledore. "Hermione shouldn't come back to school until she can block her mind fully. Do you know how she's coming along?"

"Of course, I agree with you. As for her progression she is doing very well and is nearly finished with her training since she also insists on staying on top of her school work as well so when she does return she won't be too overwhelmed by it." Dumbledore told Harry. "Now about your training what are you planning on doing?"

"I should be fine for a while, we need to concentrate on Hermione for right now. Besides, I've got detention for the time being and I'm the Quidditch captain this year, I should be fine for a bit and even if I wasn't I'm a bit full up right now. I should be able to start training again full time again when this detention sentence is over." Harry joked with a casual tone causing Dumbledore to smile.

"Yes I suppose you're right, though when you have the time I want you to come to my office."

"Yes sir, I will."

"Alright. Our next subject of discussion will be Alex."

"I'm not certain on that one yet Professor." Harry admitted sheepishly since every time they were close enough to speak there was normally an onset of heated making-out.

"It's alright, I've spoken with him already under the claims that he saw what had happened between both you and Miss Granger. At this point there is sadly nothing he can do but what he already does and be an informant; much like Snape in that capacity."

"I see…" Harry said not sure if he should be happy or not. "And Professor Lupin?"

"That Harry is sadly only between Professor Lupin and myself at the time."

"Yes sir." Harry said understanding he couldn't know what was going on due to his untrained skills in Occlumency. "Headmaster there is one more thing I wanted to talk with you about."

Dumbledore raised one of his eyebrows. "And what is that Harry?"

Harry was silent for a long time as he wondered on if he should ask what had been plaguing him or not. He sighed to himself and cursed silently, he needed to know. "Sir those memories that I saw… Were those yours?"

It was Dumbledore's turn to sigh, his gaze on Harry turned to a pained one. "They were…"

Harry could feel his world shift and turn upside down at Dumbledore's admission. "But sir, there was this one that I saw—"

"It was a long time ago Harry, that chapter in my life is over… Now, you should go collect your things from Madam Pince and get something to eat in the Great Hall before you return to your dorm. As I understand Gryffindor has yet to have their Quidditch try out's yet. I'll book the pitch for you in Minerva's place." Dumbledore said ending their conversation at that.

"Yes, thank you Professor Dumbledore." And with that Harry stood up from his seat and quickly left the office and a somber looking Dumbledore.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX - XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

Harry strode quickly towards the Quidditch pitch, his Firebolt slung over his shoulder, and his mind lost in his own thoughts. He had stayed up late into the night last night tossing and turning before giving up on trying to sleep and went to the shower to calm his scattered thoughts in the prefect's bathroom; he really needed to thank Ron for the password one of these days.

He hadn't been under the water long before his mind turned against him, thoughts that had turned calm and tranquil due to the soothing waters that ran against his bare skin, changed to taunting, self loathing thoughts. He felt his body shaking, he didn't know why really since the water was hot but with the thoughts it might as well have turned to ice. Tightly he clamped his eyes shut. His hands found themselves buried in his hair, as he braced his head against the wall under the shower head. Perhaps this had not been such a great idea.

When his thoughts changed he tried to fight it, he tried to deny the facts, but when the truth comes you can never run from it. He was to blame for so many things and soon he was no longer leaning against the wall but was crouched in the shower with the water cascading and baring down on him as though it were imitating the thoughts of his mind. A blade he couldn't even remember having on his person a few moments ago sliced into his skin. He hated himself, he despised himself, and the pain from the blade, water, and the mingled soap was deserved. He deserved more though, that hadn't nearly been enough. Every time he felt his body shake as the blade encased itself deeply into his skin he would grind it down further. It didn't take long for the bathroom floor to become stained red, and the water no longer ran clear.

Finally dropping the blade from his shaking hand Harry looked at the damage he had caused on his arm, his eyes feeling heavy and weighed down by some invisible force. As he surveyed it he felt unsatisfied, guilty, he felt as though he had again done the wrong thing, though some part of him disagreed and tugged the corner of his mouth up in a triumphant smirk. His arm looked mangled from his elbow down to his wrist. The cuts were deep, most down to the white layer of meat, skin hung off limp and dead from multiple places when he had wriggled the blade at those times he had felt his body shake and he wished to give it reason. He ran the hand that had caused the damage over the injuries and he watched as some of the skin flopped over his fingers. As he flicked at one of the pieces of skin he finally pulled his hand away and looked at his now crimson fingertips. '_Pathetic._' He thought to himself in his self misery and fought away the on coming tears. '_So pathetic._' Hugging himself he bowed his head under the water and stayed like that for a long while, not sure how long since time seemed to have either speed by or slowed, Harry was not sure which, nor did he really care.

When he finally got up it had taken him nearly twenty minutes to heal his arm, most actually healing the scars that he ended up having to be charmed to hide. He had felt better when he had been using the blade, and for a little bit as he looked at the damage part of him had been pleased, but as time elapsed and the blade was put away and the wounds and blood gone he was back to his guilt ridden self. Only as he looked at the shower floor it was slightly worse since there was still some blood lingering there and the memories of what had happened fresh in his mind. He had been doing so good and now look at what he did. It took him just one swish and that mess on the ground was cleaned up but the memories of it were still there and there were no swishes with his wand to erase that because one wrong move or incantation and he'd be sharing a room with Lockhart at St. Mungo's.

"Hey mate, how was your nap in History of Magic?" Ron said as he came up beside Harry with his own broom slung over his shoulder, almost identical to the way Harry was walking, jarring Harry from his depressing thoughts.

Harry shook his head back to reality and left his memories for another time to relive and feel guilty about. "I wasn't sleeping Ron, I've been asleep for two weeks in the hospital wing. I was just thinking."

"Fair statement." Ron said avoiding Harry's eyes. "So who do you think'll be on the team this year?" Ron asked changing the subject.

Harry smiled to himself. "I don't know until I see everyone who's trying out and the skill that they're all bringing." Harry answered honestly.

"Hey Harry."

"Yeah Ron?"

"Even if I don't make it on the team do you think I can help you with the strategies?"

"That'd be wicked!" Harry said enthusiastically.

"Really?" Ron asked unsure if Harry was just saying that.

"Yeah, it's brilliant!" Harry replied and watched as Ron's ears began to blush.

The conversation ended as they entered the pitch and both headed towards the gathered Gryffindor's, one joining the group and the other stood in front of them. Harry took note of how many had shown up for try outs today, as well as how many had shown up to watch from Ravenclaw and Hufflepuff. Harry inwardly sighed to himself and wandered if so many had shown up just to find out about the rumor of Hermione and himself. Taking a deep breath to calm his nerves he looked around at the gathered crowd to find any familiar faces. Other then Ron he spotted Katie ('_Which was no surprise._') as well as Seamus, Dean, Ginny, and to his actual surprise Neville. There were others there that were familiar but Harry couldn't recall their names.

Clearing his throat Harry pulled out a clipboard he had from his inner cloak pocket, a quill attached to it, and spoke to the crowd. "A lot of you signed up this year, a few of you Professor McGonagall says has never shown any interest in Quidditch before. There are some of you who are even in other groups already and seem devoted to them. If you want to join the team, Quidditch has to be your _main_ group. What I'm saying is if you actually make the team and then miss a practice or more importantly a game you will be dismissed and banned from the team. What I'm saying is if this sport isn't your passion, if Quidditch isn't your main priority, then please don't waist my time and the time of those who are actually here to play seriously."

As Harry finished the gathered group looked at others there with them, a few nodding to Harry's words. Not long after Harry finished speaking, as Harry stood surveying the crowd, nearly half the group moved off to sit in the stands; some walking off with a shrug, others walking away with their chests out obviously not having cared one way or the other to be one the team. "Alright," Harry began once everyone had settled, "let's start at the basics then. I want every one to get in a group of seven." Looking down at the clipboard, the names of those who stepped off the field already crossed through, he looked back up to them. "There should be eight groups."

Harry waited patiently as everyone split up. It had been easy enough and hoped that the rest would be just as easy. "Now I want you all to stay conscious of your fellow players, move around, doge each other, and guard other players. A team is only as good as you can make it. Now, I don't want any one to go higher then the goal posts and I want you all flying like your playing in an actual match. I'll call an end to each practice run and want who is in the air out and who is in the next group in. There'll only be one signal so when they've all landed that's when the next group goes." Everyone nodded their understanding and Harry told the groups their order. When he finished Harry mounted his broom and flew to just above the goal posts and blew his whistle, which he had transfigured earlier, signaling the first group to start.

Harry watched all the groups as they rose from the ground. He took down notes on his clipboard for their techniques and moved with a few of them to watch how they reacted to his presence and the pressure with the belief they were getting special attention. A few Harry made note of but in all Harry was glad he had decided to look at their flying skills.

As the last group descended Harry did as well. Once his feet hit the ground he beamed at them. "That was great, all of you. Now I want to see every one who came for the chaser position."

Harry quickly made note of the names of the students who stepped forward on his clipboard, marking what position they wanted, and stepped away from them having them follow him away from the group. "Okay, I want you all to split up into nine groups of three; every one else will sit in the stands until it's their go. Beaters will be next so you all know and you're ready."

As every one did what Harry told them to do he went to the near by trunk that had been jumping and moving about inconspicuously all this time, and retrieved the quaffle from inside. Returning to the groups now formed he smiled. "Alright, this'll be just as easy as before." Harry told them, a few looked nervous.

While the previous exercise had been simple in theory that did change the fact that there had been multiple collisions and a few fell right off their brooms with the simple pace Harry put them to. This exercise would focus on team work and cooperation. Two sets of three would be put against one another, one of the sets of three would have two go's at the practice due to the uneven numbering. To make things completely fair Harry made it absolutely clear that the team that goes twice will only be judged on their first go and any under handed playing will automatically boot them from the field and they would lose their chances of being on the team. After a bit of explaining and having a good laugh at Seamus' exclamation of, "We ain't trying out for Slytherin team here then! Damn I guess I got the dates mixed up. Ah well, they never seem to win any bloody way." The try outs continued.

_**XxXxX—XxXxX—XxXxX**_

As the last group finished its round and landed on the ground, Harry meet them there having taken his position back up in the air watching all of them very closely while they had been trying out. "That was good work, all of you! Very well done." Harry said as he landed with them and they smiled to him, some with expectant faces. "Now only three of you can be chasers, and it really was a hard choice with all of you who tried out, but I've made my decision."

"Come on Harry, who'd you choose?" Dean asked with a smile as he wiped away a bit of sweat from his brow.

"Yeah mate, we're waiting." Seamus said with a smile of his own. "On bloody pins and needles."

"Alright, alright. My choice was Katie Bell, Ginny Weasley, and Seamus Finnigan. Congratulations." Harry said beaming to the three he'd chosen to take up the stand as Chasers.

Some smiled with Harry and congratulated the three while other's turned about face and began to argue fairness, their skill's, and how they should have gotten the position over either Ginny and Seamus. Harry was calm at first and tried to reason with them and spoke with them rationally. He explained how they lost their cool, how their skill faltered at certain times, how their stamina was not as lasting, how they were able to continue to pull off moves that even others their year and older could not achieve. Soon Harry's patience wore thin when they stopped listening and began demanding a retry. "As captain of this team it is my decision to make, I watched each and every one of you try out today. These three were the best we had and that is how it is and how it will stay. This decision is _final_."

At those words the arguments stopped and Harry had to shove his way past the few who had continued to fight him. As he walked towards the stands to start the try outs for the beaters position he heard Seamus' shout from behind him. "Harry, I think I know what I'm getting you for Christmas mate! A paddle so you can whip us into shape!"

**End Chapter Nine (9)**

**A/N: **Thus ends chapter nine for _Longing to be Found_. I know I took a while to update I had to fall off the earth for a while to handle a few things plus I'm still working on my own story ((which I haven't even touched since I disappeared which is a true shame but I have been writing notes like mad)). I wanted to make this chapter longer and roll in the whole Quidditch try outs in one but I figured "just a taste." If you couldn't tell I'm not very good at writing the sport. I read the book **Through The Ages** several times, studied the chapters that had Quidditch in them in the Harry Potter books, and still I just can't seem to become interested in the game or even get the passion for it. I mean it seems interesting, I could tell you the moves in my sleep ((or at least some of them)), the fouls, the teams, when it was founded, all that stuff but… I just don't know the try outs are kind of boring to me, I'm hoping when I type the game it'll be more fun. Hope with me!

I also hope I kept Seamus as charismatic and energetic as I had him in chapter four, I like trying to keep characters in character once I place them in a story you know. I also hope Harry and Ron's character didn't suffer from my absence in writing. I think I'll get back in the swing when I'm able to just sit down and write but every time I do it seems like I have to get up again… I'M GOING TO GET THIS STORY OUT IF IT'S THE LAST THING I DO! I can't wait till I'm able to bring Draco back in for a longer period, along with Alex and Blaise. As always I hope you enjoyed it and please, let me know what you think it so far!

_**A/N 2!...**_ re-write chapter 9 completed! Now I can start on my new chapters!... After the New Years :( I would start on them tonight or tomorrow but it's already the day before New Years and I have plans sad to say... But I wanted to go ahead and get the re-writes outta the way before the New Year began so I wouldn't have to worry about them later :) Like I said in the previous A/N 2 in the last chapter, I don't think my Quidditch is going to be as amazing as I was thinking it would be... honestly after the try out's I'm half... only half because there are happenings in the "game" I have planned out that I'll have to re think if I don't change my mind... but I am half tempted to not do any more Quidditch chapter's after the try out's are finished. They just bore me so terribly much! My brain makes it amazing it's just typing it out... *:sigh:* Not fun and tedious! Also Just a friendly reminder for anyone not re-reading old chapters:: I still have my LJ account (URL found on profile/bio page) and still need some advice/help on how to work that so any help would be awesome ^^ When things heat up in this story I'm thinking I may edit it ever so slightly for this sight and put the more "GAH!" or "Hey lemon!" on my LJ account so I don't get in trouble here… (Don't worry I'll let you know if I do and that decision is still up in the air).


	10. Chapter 10

_**Summary: **_Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts is filled with taunting dreams and dark secrets. Sirius' death fresh in his mind and bleeding in his heart, he finds his body taking the abuse for his pain as he blames himself. Harry Potter has fallen on hard times and this time he is not able to stand back up on his own, doesn't have the strength to stand back up on his own. How will he ever find his strength again to continue to battle against Voldemort whose power is growing at a rapid rate? Plus who is this new transfer student in Slytherin house that is following Harry around? A beautiful new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has also come to Hogwarts, but the question remains will she make it through the year or does this teacher have a secret agenda like all the others. Is Harry going to have to fight for his life as well as his friend's lives yet again this year with his will teetering over the edge about to fall? Find out in the story _**Longing to be Found**_.

_**Disclaimer: **_I do not own any characters, ideas, or location's, found in the _**Harry Potter**_ universe, it is property of J.K. Rowling, and found in movies produced by Warner Bros. The storyline concept for this particular fanfiction was created in the recesses of the twisted mind of this writer. I _do_ however own the two OC's (original characters) in this story so please do not copy them.

_**Warnings: **_DARK! Contains mature content and adult themes not suitable for young children. Slash **(male/male relationships ****beyond**** friendship; also known as yaoi)**, non-con **(rape)**, strong language, PWP at times, self mutilation, self gratification **(masturbation)**, OOCness, AU

…_**YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!...**_

_Rated:__M/NC-17  
Drama/Angst_

_**Longing to be Found…  
By: TwilightKitsune1**_

**Chapter Ten (10)  
- Draco's Decision -**

Once everyone had fully quieted Harry sent them to the stands informing the three selected Chasers to wait for a bit, needing their help for a another portion of the tryouts. Finally, it was time to call those who were trying for the position of Beaters to the pitch. Easily Harry split them into seven groups of two. "Alright, as a Beater you have two important jobs: protecting your team mates, and attacking the other team so they don't score. This position isn't just all about mindlessly swinging your club about you and hoping you hit something. It takes precision and teamwork."

A few looked grim at Harry's words but said nothing. "What I want each person to do is hit the Bludgers where I tell you to. Keep an eye out for the other flying around since _both_ are going to be released." With that said, Harry put the groups in order and then gave the first group their clubs. As they took off Harry moved towards the trunk he had retrieved the Quaffle from earlier. This time however he released the Bludgers into the air. This part of the tryout took longer and was filled with a few more injuries then there had been earlier. Some of those that were injured were taken back to the hospital tent by Madam Pomfrey having broken a bone or two by carelessness.

By the end of the first part of the tryout there were only eight that had fully come out unscathed. Harry smiled at them. "Great job guys but here's part two: protect the Chasers while they try to score a goal." The proud smiles on their faces faltered a little but some brightened. "Chasers are you ready?" Harry called over his shoulder to the stand.

The three who had earlier been named as Chasers for the team stood and wondered over to Harry and the eight potentials. "So this is why you didn't want us to leave?" Seamus whined looking at Harry. "You just wanted to beat us so we know you're the man?"

Harry smiled and shook his head. "Alright this will basically be the same as earlier. I want you three to fly how you want and get to know each others techniques." Seamus, Ginny, and Katie smiled but nodded. '_Great, my Chasers had to be the three that took everything the wrong way_.' Harry thought. "I want you to stay below or parallel with the goal post's." When they nodded he told Katie to retrieve the Quaffle and turned to the other eight.

"Alright, now this part is basically the same as before but now you'll also be watching your teammates. Remember to keep moving and send the Bludger in certain directions like before when I blow the whistle. Each group has five minutes. The long whistle will be for groups to alternate between each other." At their nod of understanding they began the final part of tryouts for the position of Beater.

_**XxXxX—XxXxX—XxXxX**_

As the final group landed Harry congratulated them for their efforts as they stood waiting. Harry gave Neville a glance from the corner of his eye feeling slightly bad for him. Neville had fallen from his broom three minutes into the tryout this time round, nearly knocking the other who had been trying out with him off theirs. Thankfully Neville hadn't seriously been injured from the fall since he returned to the pitch not long after being checked over by Madam Pomfrey. "You all did great, really!" Harry said this time looking right at Neville to drive the point in. Who doesn't fall from their brooms sometimes?

"Yeah, yeah, so who made it onto the team?" Seamus asked with a smile.

"Alright, so my choice of Beaters was really hard to make but I've decided to go with Jimmy Peaks and Ritchie Coote. They've shown the most talent today… But like I said everyone was really brilliant out there!"

"But they were a tad bit more brilliant. Anyway let's keep going with the tryouts Harry. I don't think you'll need us as targets for this part right?"

Harry sighed but then smiled at Seamus. "We'll see won't we? Either way the last position, Keeper, will be next… obviously," Harry coughed and stumbled over his words for a second then returned to what he had been saying as the group remaining smiled. It was then that Harry realized that Neville had been among those that had left the pitch… He would have to check on him later when they all returned to the castle. "There will be two in the air, one at each of the ends of the field protecting the goals they are flying. I want you to try to block five shots, but you won't really know when they are coming or from who they are coming from. As soon as you block, or try to block the five shots I want you to trade out with the next person. There will be a part two to this exercise so don't be too tense. Remember this is just tryouts and the tenser you are the worse you'll probably do." Harry finished with a smile. "Alright let's begin!" Harry said handing the Quaffle off to Katie and picking out the first two for the tryout also putting the rest in their order. Finishing those that were up took off at the sound of Harry's whistle followed by Ginny, Seamus, Katie, and Harry.

_**XxXxX—XxXxX—XxXxX**_

Harry blew his whistle as he watched a boy named Lewis finish spinning his broom in a sweeping motion to try and catch the Quaffle that had been thrown towards the goals. However, the boy nearly fell from his broom as he watched the Quaffle that Katie threw fly into the goal next to the one he had just protected causing him to fail in actually "protecting" the goals. Shacking his head at Lewis' misfortune Harry followed everyone in the air as they flew to the ground below so he could explain the second part to this tryout. "Alright so some of you did great and some of you were a bit too worried about showing off… I am not asking for spectacles out there. I am wanting someone on the team that can protect our goal's from an opposing team and not let them make any goals. That is what I am looking for."

"That's the way Harry, you tell em! We don't care if you can catch the ball with you brooms or not, all we want is someone with capable _hands_." Seamus said with a laugh as he took a long drink of water from a bottle he had brought with him from the castle before passing it to his fellow chaser's who had not thought ahead.

Ignoring Seamus easily at this point with a simple roll of his eyes, Harry continued. "Alright we'll continue in the same order as earlier doing basically the same exercise with a slight change. While the Chasers are still going to be trying to score goals, the Beaters are also going to be flying. The Bludgers will be released with everyone in the air as well so I want everyone to be careful out there. You have to have to work as a unit in this exercise. Watch your teammates and your techniques. Don't over do it. I don't want anyone out there doing anything too dangerous, or things you don't think you're ready for. I want you all to be careful and not hurt yourselves or each other…" As Harry was about to blow his whistle he cast a quick glance over towards Ron and saw the fear that lay in his eyes. Harry knew Ron would have to work on that fear if he wanted to join the team and facing it now was better then on the field, during a match. Here they could have some control of what was happening. With that thought Harry blew the whistle.

This exercise was far more hectic then the others, there were so many in the air that Harry had to watch carefully and be sure that the newer members were careful as well as those who were trying out. However, as Harry flew above the field watching he saw that he didn't have anything to worry about because his team was already working as a unit. A smile flitted across Harry's face as he witnessed this and turned his attention back to the matter at hand, the Keepers.

Finally the last shot was made for the goals, this time by Ginny, and the one who was protecting the goal was Ron. Harry watched as Ron went to catch the Quaffle. Ron actually flipped completely upside down and nearly off his broom, only holding on with one of his feet, catching the Quaffle before it entered the goal. Pride surged within Harry as he witnessed this. He watched the shock form on Ron's face. Then Ron's shock changed to that all too familiar pride of "personal victory" on the Quidditch field. Harry blew his whistle to call an end to this practice and followed those still in the air to the ground. Harry had come to his decision and he was pleased that he would not only be able to come up with the strategies for the team and what they would be playing but also be able to go out onto the pitch and do said strategies with his best mate. They would get to talk nothing but Quidditch and hopefully Ron wouldn't get into to much trouble this year.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX - XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

Draco found himself sitting in Snape's office just to get away from the hectic crush that seemed to have become this year at Hogwarts. He knew if there was one place in this whole school he could go to just escape it was here since no one seemed to come to this office unless they absolutely had to. Taking a deep breath Draco finally let his Malfoy composure slip if only for a moment and allowed himself just to be. He knew Blaise would wonder where he slipped off to, he knew Crab and Goyle would find a way to entertain themselves by torturing some smaller students in his absences, and part of him that would normally care couldn't find the energy to care. All that plagued his thoughts right now was Harry Potter and how he had been kissing another student in the library. A Slytherin student to be exact.

Alex who had come from out of no where was stepping in and seemed to be making moves that, in Draco's opinion, seemed unwise. If somehow the Dark Lord were to find out about this, about Alex's transgression's with Potter… What was that boy thinking; he was in Salazar Slytherin's house for Merlin's sake! Draco knew the Dark Lord's pride for the house and knew if, no when, he found out punishment would be dealt out swiftly and painfully. However, there was another part of Draco, a darker part, that craved to tell the Dark Lord himself so he could watch the boy squirm for touching what Draco had coveted through the years. How dare he touch what Draco could not.

As Draco was lost in his thought's he failed to hear the door open behind him. "Draco, such thought's are not becoming of you." Came Snape's cold voice behind him, as if chiding him.

Draco turned his head to look at Snape with cold eye's, his emotion for Alex unhidden. "What thought's would be 'becoming' for me then?" He shot at Snape as he watched him close the door not breaking eye contact.

"Thought's that did not involve retribution for one who chases after Harry Potter is a start. You wish for vengeance but should the Dark Lord hear your thoughts to 'use' him in this child's game it will be you who pay's the price not young Alex." Snape said walking over to Draco.

"How could this Alex truly be a Slytherin when he goes after the Dark Lords enemy!" Draco spat furious with himself.

"If you ask how Alex can be a Slytherin for having feelings… Then Draco the same should be asked of yourself and many other Slytherins who have walked these very halls. I am sure even the Dark Lord felt something once long ago…" Snape broke off and shook his head. "Draco do you care for Potter? Truly care?"

Draco looked away not wanting to look into those deep black pools any longer knowing they already knew the answer. "I shouldn't have to say if you are going to pry into my thoughts every time you see me."

The corner of Snape's mouth twitched only for a second before he knelt beside Draco. "It is not weakness to have a heart Draco."

"But it isn't strength either."

"It truly depends on who you ask when you say that… Draco the great have been those with heart and some without so it is your decision on what kind of man you will be." Snape stood. "Are you going to walk away with out trying?"

Draco nearly fell from his chair. He looked up at Snape again thinking he hadn't heard him right. "Are… Are you cheering me on?"

Snape crossed his arms over his chest and seemed to give Draco an annoyed look. "You seem to have gone very dim witted this year Draco. I want you to be happy, whether it is chasing after Potter, or dueling in the halls with Alex."

Draco smiled at Snape for a moment. "Well I may have gone dim witted this year but you seemed to have grown a soft spot."

"And you Draco are the only person who will know."

"I'm sure I will be." Draco said closing his eyes as dread came over him. He had finally decided, he was going to do it, he was going to go after Harry Potter. The question was could they get past their history together and their constant fighting and mistrust. Then the biggest obstacles, could Draco survive when his father found out, and inevitably the Dark Lord? Only time would tell the outcome of this endeavor and Draco was so tired of pleasing all those around him and having them see what wasn't there. He wanted to break the chains that were binding him down and catch the elusive Harry Potter and have him for his own. At the very least he could try before the final day.

**End Chapter Ten (10)**

**A/N:** So there's Chapter ten! I know I should have posted this so much sooner but.. You know what no excuses, I'm really sorry but I am going to be working on this story till it's finished (see bio _**NEWS!**_ Section for details). Bright side I've gotten past the Quidditch part which was the main stopper in this story since it was one of those boring sections. I LOVE reading it, I love watching it in the movies, but when it came to -me- actually trying write it in this fanfiction I gotta tip my hat cause I wanted to rip my hair out and nearly just stopped writing (if you couldn't tell). But I love this story way to much to do that and this has been in my head for so long I gotta get it out before it evolves into something else! Or gets bigger then it already is… So with out wasting much more time I'm going to go ahead and get started on the next chapter –don't mind the mistakes I'll come back to them later.. hopefully- . As always leave a review and let me know what you guy's think!

**R&R**


	11. Chapter 11

_**Summary: **_Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts is filled with taunting dreams and dark secrets. Sirius' death fresh in his mind and bleeding in his heart, he finds his body taking the abuse for his pain as he blames himself. Harry Potter has fallen on hard times and this time he is not able to stand back up on his own, doesn't have the strength to stand back up on his own. How will he ever find his strength again to continue to battle against Voldemort whose power is growing at a rapid rate? Plus who is this new transfer student in Slytherin house that is following Harry around? A beautiful new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has also come to Hogwarts, but the question remains will she make it through the year or does this teacher have a secret agenda like all the others. Is Harry going to have to fight for his life as well as his friend's lives yet again this year with his will teetering over the edge about to fall? Find out in the story _**Longing to be Found**_.

_**Disclaimer: **_I do not own any characters, ideas, or location's, found in the _**Harry Potter**_ universe, it is property of J. K. Rowling, and found in movies produced byWarner Bros. The storyline concept for this particular fanfiction was created in the recesses of the twisted mind of this writer. I _do_ however own the two OC's (original characters) in this story so please do not copy them.

_**Warnings: **_DARK! Contains mature content and adult themes not suitable for young children. Slash **(male/male relationships ****beyond**** friendship; also known as yaoi)**, non-con **(rape)**, strong language, PWP at times, self mutilation, self gratification **(masturbation)**, OOCness, AU

…_**YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!...**_

_Rated:__M/NC-17  
Drama/Angst_

_**Longing to be Found…  
By: TwilightKitsune1**_

**Chapter Eleven (11)  
- Secret Meetings -  
**

As Harry and Ron were walking back towards the castle laughing and joking about the coming Quidditch season Harry saw Neville running towards them. "Harry! Harry she's back!"

It took Harry a second to understand what Neville meant and then an even stronger bit of will to grapple with himself not to run into the castle to greet his long since absent friend. "You mean Hermione don't you?" Harry asked to make sure when Neville reached the two of them and caught his breath. He had apparently run the whole way.

"Yeah, I just saw her in the common room… She looked kinda scary." Neville said with a slight shiver.

"What do you mean?" Ron asked looking at the castle as though he could see through the walls to Hermione who know lay inside.

"I can't really explain it… She feels different, more guarded and way more distant from everyone then she used to be." Neville followed Ron's eyes and then back to Harry. "She really is against us isn't she?" he asked Harry in a hushed voice.

"Watch what you say!" Ron nearly yelled looking down right furious.

"Ron… Calm down." Harry said quickly anticipating Ron's fury. "Neville you need to be careful who you trust this year. That's all I'm really going to say about anything. I'll deal with Hermione so I don't want anyone to really go near her. Spread word among the Gryffindors for me." Harry said quickly dismissing Neville to do this task for him knowing a fight was about to break out between himself and Ron.

As they watched Neville run back towards the castle Ron rounded on Harry. "What are you on about!"

"I have told you all I'm going to tell you."

"Yeah but you are telling everyone that same bit of garbage. I'm your friend and Hermione's friend right! I should be told what the bloody hell happened between you two that would have one of you in the Hospital wing and the other in St. Mungo's!" Ron nearly shouted

"Ron, I just don't want to talk about it. It really is simple it's not as though I'm hiding anything." Harry lied.

Ron glared at Harry. "Just using that bloody fame to hide behind and gaining more from all this while you throw 'Mione in the hospital with your big head. I beat it was all your fault and your blowing this whole thing outta sorts."

"Ron—" Harry tried to throw sense out at Ron but Ron stormed off with out hearing another word from Harry.

"I'll just go confront 'Mione on all this and get some _real_ answers!" Ron threw over his shoulder before fully leaving earshot.

Harry felt as though the ground below his feet was giving way. Sure he hadn't_ actually_ lost Hermione as his friend but he may have just started a chain reaction that would end up causing him to lose Ron in this charade. It wasn't as though they hadn't fought before but Harry knew Ron was a loyal friend and if Ron was being told not to be Hermione's friend Harry knew Ron would push against who ever was saying it and probably, if not definitely, try to reconnect with Hermione; possibly ruining the plans that had been lain out. Harry hoped that Hermione would be able to do something about Ron before he interfered to badly with their plans. He also hoped that he would be able to talk some sense into Ron later, and teach him Occlumency so that Ron would no longer have to be kept in the dark.

_**XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX - XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX – XxXxXxXxXxXxXxX**_

The week flew past quickly; Harry had some troubles with his workloads in his classes now no longer able to have Hermione's assistance as he did before. Working late into the nights trying to stay caught up in his assignments while he had been unconscious, they were harder then he had previously thought they would be but still he found himself able to hurdle through them with only slight difficulties. Ron still hadn't spoken to Harry since the incident outside and a sideway glance proved Hermione was missing from the common room yet again. With a heavy sigh Harry straighten up and closed the charms book he had been looking through before standing up. He knew he needed to talk to Ron.

"Dean, do you know where Ron's gone off to?" Harry asked Dean who was playing a game of wizard's chess with a fellow Gryffindor.

Looking up from one of his castles giving a sound stomping to a knight Dean glanced around the common room. "I think he said he was going for a walk about… He might be trying to find Hermione again. He's been at it all week, going on about how she's fine…" Harry saw that there was more to what Ron had been saying but Harry didn't push.

Nodding Harry turned and went in search of Ron. He needed to try to get this all sorted with him. They were all on a tight rope right now and Ron was making the wrong moves. '_If he would just remember that blasted conversation._'… '_No'_, Harry shook his head, '_It was a good thing Ron didn't remember. If he did it would be worse and Hermione would be in far more danger.' _Opening the boys dorm door Harry looked inside but there wasn't anyone there. Neville's toad Trevor was the only thing inside that was actually moving about, currently hopping along the floor and dodging objects like clothes, extra bits of quills and parchment, some clothes here and there, and a book that had been carelessly tossed in a hurry to get to the next class. "Not here…" Harry mumbled closing the door and sighed before turning to go in search of Ron.

As Harry descended the stairs he saw one of Dean's bishops give a valiant battle before getting taken by the other boy's queen. "Was he not up there Harry?"

"No, I guess I'll just go have a look around."

Leaving the Gryffindor tower Harry walked with no real destination. He wanted to look for Ron but there was another part of him that craved to be alone if only for a moment. He had spent so much time working on his assignments Harry just wanted to walk for a bit, away from everyone. However, there was an up side to having to work so hard, he hadn't had time to think on the war, or on anything really. It played in the back of his head yes, but it hadn't been a main focusing thought as it had been in the summer. Even though Harry doubted Ron would be outside he wanted to start "looking" there… He'd feel guilty about it later but right now Harry craved the fresh air, the feel of the wind on his face and the touch of the sun. How he was craving it so much it almost made him run outright, but running in this day normally caused a panic so walking briskly was what he was forced to do.

_**XxXxX—XxXxX—XxXxX**_

The air outside was brisk, already it was entering October and soon the school would be celebrating Halloween. Harry could hardly wait to see the floating pumpkins, the decorations all around the castle, and then there was the feast. Yes Harry did enjoy Halloween with his friends at his "home", but the question was what was this Halloween going to be like. Not only was Hermione trying to get chummy with Slytherins, but Ron was on a "Harry's a prat" rant again which was never an enjoyable time. Then there was the war that lay just outside the walls of Hogwarts.

Harry was going to try to talk to Ron, but that was all he could really do. It was far to soon to teach him Occlumency, and far to soon to tell him about Hermione even if he wanted to. This all seemed easier when he had been sitting in Dumbledore's office talking about it. When they had been making the plans, not standing so close to the edge of things. Why hadn't any of them thought of this!

"Potter?" A voice called to him from the lake jostling Harry from his thoughts.

Turning Harry came face to face with the new professor, Professor McKnight. "Professor! I didn't think anyone would be out."

She raised an eyebrow at him and then laughed finally turning fully to face him. Apparently she had been outside in the brisk air doing some thinking of her own. Today Harry saw she was in a black velvet witch's gown that clung to her until reaching her waist. The sleeves on the gown were long and tight to her arms, so tight Harry saw her wand was tucked up her right sleeve. Her ice blue eyes looked on him with a critical gaze and for some reason it seemed to Harry the green flecks of her eyes were swimming in pools she was holding in. "You should be in the castle Harry, it's dangerous to be wondering about so aimlessly these days."

"But we're at Hogwarts what could happen here?... Professor, are you alright?"

Closing her eyes and then opening them again the pools were gone from her eyes and no longer were the green flecks swimming in her ice blue depths. "I'm fine Harry." She smiled at him and then her gaze became a stern one. "But anything can happen anywhere. What are you doing outside anyway?"

"I was looking for Ron… and then I just needed some fresh air." Harry said honestly feeling as though he didn't really have reason to lie.

"Ron? You two have a fight or something?"

"Or something." Harry said defeated.

"Are you in a hurry Harry? We can talk if you would like."

Harry was taken aback by the offer and his guard went up. "I don't know professor."

"You don't know if you're in a hurry? Come sit, we'll talk for a moment. If you want we can go see if Hagrid has seen Ron?"

'_Hagrid! Of course!_' "No I'll probably just go to Hagrid's later. Right now I just feel like being by myself and walking for a bit. Thanks for wanting to talk Professor."

"I am always here for my student's Harry. When they need me I am here," she said and then turned and headed back towards the castle. "Oh and Harry!" She called out before Harry had a chance to run off to Hagrid's. "I expect you back at the castle before dusk has fully fallen." With that she left.

_**XxXxX—XxXxX—XxXxX**_

Reaching Hagrid's door Harry didn't even wait to catch his breath before he started pounding on it. "Hagrid! Hagrid it's me open up!"

Harry could hear Fang howl and a dish break from somewhere within the confines of Hagrid's hut. Then Hagrid's "'ush up you!" followed by Hagrid's loud footsteps towards the door. Harry caught his breath quickly before Hagrid peered through his door and spotted Harry standing there. "Been wondering when you'd show up." Hagrid said as he moved back and allowed Harry to slip inside before closing the door behind them.

Harry only had a moment to see the familiar hut of Hagrid's before his vision was blocked out by the bounding Fang that had jumped onto Harry and now slobbered all over him. "Fang!" Hagrid bellowed somewhere behind the great slobbering hound that now pinned Harry. "Tha's enough now you great beast." He said as he hefted him off Harry.

"Thanks Hagrid." Harry said as he stood up and dusted himself off. Finally, he looked up and saw Hermione sitting in one of the oversized seats at the enormous wooden table. "Hermione? I didn't think you would be here." Harry said surprised to see her sitting there as though she had been waiting.

"Hagrid would it be alright if I spoke with Harry alone?" Hermione asked Hagrid with a smile.

"Tha'd be fine. I need to go check on Buc- I mean Witherwings. I'm sure he wouldn't mind if you two came to see him when you're done."

"Of course we will Hagrid." Hermione said with a smile. They watched him walk out the back door before Hermione turned to Harry "Oh Harry!" she said and jumped out of the chair she had been sitting in before engulfing him in a hug that nearly toppled him over again. "What took you so long to start coming to Hagrid's?" She asked in a hushed voice.

"I didn't know we were supposed to be meeting here." Harry said honestly.

"It was just an idea since we always come to Hagrid's and no one would think to read Hagrid's mind unless they were looking for information do with Dumbledore. Even then I'm sure there are precautions that Dumbledore would have put into place for that. Also I'm sorry but I borrowed your invisibility cloak without asking to get out here so no one would see me." Hermione said with a blush coming to her cheeks as she pulled Harry's invisibility cloak out of her bag. "I always put it back when I returned to the castle though." She finished trying to avoid any outbursts of rage. "It just seemed safer if no one saw me coming out to Hagrid's since I'm trying to get closer to the Slytherins."

"Your right Hermione, though I wish you had told me somehow." Harry said pushing the cloak back towards her. "You should probably keep the cloak so we can keep meeting out here without you getting caught."

Hermione smiled and tucked the cloak back into her bag. "I would have but how was I supposed to have told you? Oh Harry it's so good to see. By the way where is Ron? I thought he would be with you."

Harry didn't want to talk about it but he figured it would be best to let her know now then find out later. "You should probably sit down Hermione, we have some thing's to talk about."

Curious Hermione sat and looked at Harry "What is it Harry? Has something happened?"

"You could say that." Harry said as he sat across from her. "There is a problem with Ron. He doesn't want to believe you've switched sides."

"Oh for Merlin's sake!" Hermione said exasperated. "Let me guess, he's being a prat isn't he."

Harry blinked. "Yeah."

"Oh Harry I'm sorry, I wish there was something I could do… If you want I could hex him if he get's to terrible." Hermione joked.

"It's tempting but no, I'm sure I can deal with it. It'll get better as soon as we can teach him Occlumency but I know it'll have to be a while yet."

"Yes, that does seem to be the problem doesn't it." Hermione said leaning back.

"Other then that how is it going with you? Have you gained any footing with the Slytherins?"

"Some." Hermione admitted. "It's actually harder then I first thought it would be since I am, well muggle born, but because of my 'talent' it makes it a little easier. Not by much though even with my connection."

"Hermione, who is your connection?" Harry asked finally wishing to know who was helping her get inside Slytherin.

"I never told you?" Hermione said innocently. "It's actually Pansy." She confessed.

"Pansy!" Harry said shocked by the news.

"Yes Pansy, you'd be surprised by the levels of humanity she has but hides it because of her family." Hermione said sympathetically.

"Her parents are followers of Voldemort… I suppose I can understand." Harry said but still wary for his friend.

"Harry don't worry, she's someone we can trust." Hermione assured Harry then looked to the window. "I should head back or else they'll wonder where I've gone off to. I'll try to come back here tomorrow and we can talk more."

"I can't tomorrow, I've got to serve detention so I'll probably be busy most of the day." Harry said.

"Harry you have detention!" Hermione scolded.

"It's not my fault, it's Draco's." Harry tried to defend himself.

"I don't want to hear… Draco's?" Hermione asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah it was Draco's fault and now I've got detention with him."

Hermione laughed outright and then stood up and pulled the invisibility cloak out. "Alright then. If it was you two there really is nothing I can say because you two are always going to fight and get into trouble. Though I'd have figured you'd have both gotten smarter by now and not have gotten caught while doing it no?" Hermione said with a smirk before disappearing under the cloak. "Go out the back Harry, and I'll follow you out."

"Alright. Oh Hermione, when are we going to meet again?"

"I suppose we will just meet again after classes, if that sounds good."

"Yeah." Harry said and headed for the door. Opening it he felt Hermione slip past.

Standing on the steps he looked out to where Hagrid stood with 'Witherwings' and Harry could feel his heart clinch looking at the familiar hippogriff. He remembered saving Sirius in his third year, flying with his godfather for those brief moments and thinking one day they could live together free. Now though those thoughts were gone as Harry lived on since he had made the mistake of believing the false vision Voldemort had sent him that fateful day. Harry had ruined everything thinking he could save his godfather when in the end he had been the one who was saved. Taking heavy steps down the stairs into the patch of over grown pumpkins Harry began walking towards them. Hearing his approach 'Witherwings' turned towards Harry. Pausing Harry bowed to him without breaking eye contact and waited only a few seconds until 'Witherwings' returned the bow.

"Ah, you finish up in there then?" Hagrid asked and then looked around confused.

"Sorry Hagrid, she had to head back but I wanted to see how Witherwings was doing… That's his name now right?" Harry asked the last part when he was close enough to ask in a hushed voice.

"Sure is. Had to change it so Malfoy didn't try anything like last time." Hagrid said patting Witherwings hindquarters as Harry scratched the feathered front. "He's been kinda depressed these day's though. I think he may miss Sirius."

Harry smiled and leaned his head against the hippogriff. "I miss him too." Harry whispered and fought back an onslaught of tears that was fighting to come to the surface. He felt Witherwings nuzzle his cheek before leaning into him as though they were both looking for strength that they had lost.

**End Chapter Eleven (11)**

**A/N: **Yep there goes another chapter! Sorry it took a while to get this chapter out, I was having issues with my Muse and was mainly looking back at my notes. I know my chapter's lately aren't as long as they used to be but that's just how it's going to be right now until I get back into the groove of this fanfiction. I've been so fixated on other things/stories that picking this story back up is actually harder then I thought it would be. Also I just want to let you guys know I DO have difficulties with Hagrid's accent a lot of the time so if there are mistakes I would appreciate any help. I've been thinking about taking his accent out because it is difficult to write it sometimes and I tend to second-guess myself and just type it out normally if I'm not certain but that just isn't true to his character at all and I HATE not being true to character's in some aspects. Anyway I hope you guy's enjoyed this chapter! As always leave a review and let me know what you think!

**R&R**


	12. Chapter 12

_**Summary: **_Harry's sixth year at Hogwarts is filled with taunting dreams and dark secrets. Sirius' death fresh in his mind and bleeding in his heart, he finds his body taking the abuse for his pain as he blames himself. Harry Potter has fallen on hard times and this time he is not able to stand back up on his own, doesn't have the strength to stand back up on his own. How will he ever find his strength again to continue to battle against Voldemort whose power is growing at a rapid rate? Plus who is this new transfer student in Slytherin house that is following Harry around? A beautiful new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher has also come to Hogwarts, but the question remains will she make it through the year or does this teacher have a secret agenda like all the others. Is Harry going to have to fight for his life as well as his friend's lives yet again this year with his will teetering over the edge about to fall? Find out in the story _**Longing**__** to **__**be **__**Found**_.

_**Disclaimer:**_ I do not own any characters, ideas, or location's, found in the _**Harry**__** Potter**_ universe, it is property of J. K. Rowling, and found in movies produced by Warner Bros. The storyline concept for this particular fanfiction was created in the recesses of the twisted mind of this writer. I _do_ however own the two OC's (original characters) in this story so please do not copy them.

_**Warnings: **_DARK! Contains mature content and adult themes not suitable for young children. Slash **(male/male ****relationships ****beyond ****friendship; ****also ****known**** as ****yaoi)**, non-con **(rape)**, strong language, PWP at times, self mutilation, self gratification **(masturbation)**, OOCness, AU

…_**YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!...**_

_Rated:M/NC-17  
Drama/Angst_

_**Longing to be Found…  
By: TwilightKitsune1-REBORN**_

**Chapter Twelve  
- Dreams -**

The next morning Harry could feel himself beginning to wake from a fitful sleep. He wondered for a moment what his dream had been about but as he tried to recall all he could see were images slip through his mind as though they weren't for him to witness. The only clear image that played in his mind before scattering into the darkness of his mind, was a person standing with their back to him; and blond hair. Harry wasn't able to tell anything else except for the blond mane that blew in non existent wind. Harry couldn't see if it was long or short, bright or dull. It was just blond hair, and then whoever it was faded away. To be honest though Harry was glad to finally have a dream that did not involve Sirius in some way. It was enough that Harry thought of his godfather though his waking hours, to be tormented by the guilt in his dreams was more then enough to drive Harry to the brink.

Harry wiped sleep from his eyes and lay there for a few moments longer. He didn't want to move, didn't want to start the day, or even think all too much. This was the first real break Harry was going to have and he wanted to try to start it off right. The curtains around the four poster bed obstructed Harry's view from his dorm mates but by the sound of it it sounded as though most were still sleeping. Harry could hear snoring and grunting from those still sleeping. Some mumble things Harry couldn't understand while others flopped around on their beds. It was a wonder he could sleep through the noise they made sometimes.

Deciding it would probably be better to get up Harry slowly and as quietly as he could began to move and start the day. It all involved not tripping over his bed covers that had somehow wrapped itself around one of his ankles, finding his glasses, holding in a string of curses as he stubbed one of his toes onto his trunk, finding clothes, and not casting the incendo spell _on_ his trunk as it slammed down onto his thumb when he tried to close it quietly. After all that Harry left finally heading for the showers, cautiously closing the door behind him so not to wake those still sleeping inside; thankful no one woke during the string of morning accidents.

_**)-(_)-(_)-(_)-(_)-(in the shower)-(_)-(_)-(_)-(_)-(**_

Harry couldn't help himself as the water ran over his body; he tried yet again to recall the dream. It was the first time in a long time he had felt anything other then depression pushing in on him and he knew it had something to do with that dream. Closing his eyes Harry focused and replayed what he could remember. There was the blond again, standing there... His back was to Harry but there was something else… Something. As Harry tried to focus in on what it was it all broke apart.

Frustration lanced through Harry quickly when he realized he hadn't been paying attention to the blonds appearance at all so Harry couldn't really say much on what this person looked like or who they may have been except they had hair that was definitely blond. Closing his eyes Harry tried again, this time all Harry got was a fuzzy outline, as though it were distorted somehow, as though it were becoming blocked. Deciding he had had enough of this Harry relinquished his hold on the image and opened his eyes.

For a moment Harry felt dizzy, almost weak, and cold even though he was standing underneath the heat of the shower's water. Harry's knees nearly gave way underneath him and dropped him to the floor. Suddenly he felt arms come up around him to steady his balance. "You alright mate? Don't want you falling in here and busting your head on something. Where would the team be if their captain went funny in the showers?" Harry heard Seamus say from behind him.

Harry could feel his body go rigid from the sudden contact and it took Harry's exhausted mind a moment to catch up with his body. _He __was __naked __and __being __held __in __the __showers! __Alone!_ Slowly Harry turned his head so he could look at Seamus and saw a friendly smile on the other boy's face. "I'm fine. Guess I'm still waking up is all."

"No worries, I'm waking up myself and needed a shower. Glad I did since I got an amazing view walking in _and_ I got to have you in my arm's for a second." Seamus said before letting Harry go. "You'll be okay now?" Seamus asked still concerned, "I gotta get cleaned up but I won't mind sticking close by if you need me to?"

"I'm fine, besides I'm nearly done." Harry said turning to finish rinsing his hair and feeling his body loosen up a little.

"Don't be to shy to call me over if you need help with your back." Seamus said with a wink and a playful laugh before walking off to a different part of the showers a little ways away.

Harry smiled, Seamus really was a great person and he did watch out for everyone he cared for. Shaking his head Harry quickly finished washing. He'd worry about the dream some other time since right now he had more important and pressing matters to attend to in the waking world. He had a detention with Draco Malfoy to worry about right now.

**XxXxX—XxXxX—XxXxX**

Harry walked the hall, his feet feeling heavier then they had been. He didn't want to rush to Professor McGonagall's office to receive the 'instructions' on what they would be doing for their first detention together. No matter what it was Harry was certain he would not be enjoying his weekend like many of the others that were already up and wondering the castle. Harry couldn't help but wonder why he had to serve his detention _with_ Draco. Yes they had been fighting but to make them spend more time together, especially during the punishment _for_ fighting was probably only going to cause them to be at each other throat's... Dumbledore was beginning to lose his touch. '_Hello __Harry. __What __are__ you __doing __up__ so __early __on__ the __weekend_?'

Stopping to look around him Harry tried to find Alex. It never failed, Harry thought as a weariness came over him, whenever he was alone Alex would sneak out of the woodwork to whisper in his ear... Well mind. Shaking his head Harry threw that thought from his mind and spotted Alex standing at the entrance of the castle. Harry raised an eyebrow at the boy's appearance. Alex's cheeks were flushed and he seemed to be breathing heavier then normal. He was also slightly leaning against the frame of one of the doors as he looked straight at Harry, as though he didn't care if anyone saw his gaze directed at Harry. '_I__'__ve__ got __detention __today... I __could __ask__ you __the __same __question.__ What __have __you__ been __up __to_?'

'_Just __a__ morning__ run __is __all. __Do__ them __all __the __time... __Don__'__t __you __trust __me_?'

Harry continued to stare at Alex for a moment and let the question hang in the air between them. The truth was Harry didn't know who to trust other then Hermione and Ron and those in the Order that he cared for. He had yet to decide if he wanted to let Alex in on anything that was actually worth letting him in on, he had yet to decide if he wanted to even risk the boy's life if he was going to stand there and openly lie. Harry could see it in his eye's somehow, there was something more that Alex was not telling him that he had done this morning other then a "morning run". '_I __trust __those __who __don__'__t __hide __Alex,__ so __when __I __know __you __aren__'__t __hiding__ I__'__ll __tell __you__ if __I __trust __you __or __not_.' Harry finally responded and actually saw Alex recoil from him for a moment before turning his face away.

'_You__'__ll __hear __it __all __from__ Snape __anyway._' And with that Alex walked away heading towards the Slytherin Dorm's without even a backward glance.

Harry stared after him for a few seconds before it finally dawned on him. "Voldemort." Without even another thought Harry was off, no longer heading to McGonagall's office but to Dumbledore's. What could have happened that would call even Alex from the castle so late in the night?.. Or had it been early in the morning?

**XxXxX—XxXxX—XxXxX**

Harry's fist's pounded on the door's that lead to Dumbledore's office. He had to know, needed to know. Last night there had been no vision, no forth coming information from Voldemort's mind which meant one of two things: Harry had grown stronger and was now able to block images from Voldemort's mind while he slept; or Voldemort had purposely hidden this task from Harry. The later seemed far more likely to Harry since he had been so distracted by that damned dream earlier he never really questioned its origin. He cursed silently under his breath and began his onslaught on the door again. "Professor Dumbledore! Sir, are you in there?" Harry shouted. He wanted to shout out more, to ask about the happenings of last night but…

"Harry, calm yourself." Came Dumbledore's voice as he opened the door, Snape standing not far from the headmaster's desk. "What are you doing here, you have detention do you not?"

"Yes, but—"

"But nothing Potter! You think you can brush off your punishments?" Snape interjected stepping forward.

"Sir last night?" Harry started ignoring Snape completely which caused an angry blush to form on the man's face.

Dumbledore raised one of his eyebrows to Harry from behind his half-moon spectacles. "Did you see something last night Harry?" Dumbledore asked, his blue eyes flashing brilliantly.

Harry looked to the ground and though part of him wanted to tell Dumbledore about the dream a deeper part of him just wanted to keep it a secret thinking it nothing more then a dream. If something horrible happened, Harry would explain to Dumbledore his thought's but not with Snape standing there glowering at him! "No sir, I didn't _see_ anything. I ran into… I was just informed about something happening but I wasn't given any details. I wanted to see if anything happened, if anyone… was attacked."

Dumbledore looked to Snape and Harry followed Dumbledore's gaze. Snape was now looking away, out the window Harry had seen Dumbledore look out of many times before. Harry knew it surveyed the ground of Hogwarts, looking out far into the distance. Harry wondered silently why Snape had suddenly decided to walk away from the conversation he had been so adamant about stopping only moments ago. "Harry, something did happen but… All I can really say is, soon Miss Granger will be tested and you must stand as you are, and when you see her understand this is their way. She will need you more then ever to not be lost in the woods."

"Sir?"

"Now you have a detention to get to. You better go or else you'll be in far more trouble."

"Yes sir."

"Potter." Snape called out as Harry turned to leave. Harry looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "I am sure she will be fine if you remain by her side Potter… Just make sure not to be caught and if you are try not to hurt her while making it believable that you both remain hating one another. You must remember that. You are the enemy of the Dark Lord and she has put herself in the line of fire for your friendship."

Harry held those words close to him and knew that as the days would go by the time he and Hermione would get to have to talk would only get harder. "Thank you Sir." And with that Harry left.

"And that finishes my report Dumbledore." Snape said as he moved back to the chair he had been about to sink into.

"It will be a hard road for her, that Granger." Dumbledore said as he pulled out a piece of parchment. "I shall have to tell her now before she reads it in the paper… To think she had caught Voldemort's eye before she has even left Hogwarts."

"It's as I told Potter. Because she is, or rather was, friends with Harry Potter, and was or possibly still is close with you, Voldemort will want her now. However, because she is a Mudblood she will have it by far harder then most in his ranks so to make it a small bit easier for her this is Voldemort's way of being kind."

"Also Voldemort's way of testing her." Dumbledore said as he began to write on a slip of parchment.

**XxXxX—XxXxX—XxXxX**

Harry could feel his hands throbbing as he lifted his hand to knock on the door that lead to Professor McGonagall's office. His mind was still racing with thoughts, his heart was filled with his worry for his friend, and he couldn't shake the growing dread that seemed to want to over take his heart. It was as though something was coming and he couldn't stop the flow of fate as it rushed against him, throwing him along its rapids. "You're late Potter." McGonagall's voice came as she opened the door.

"I know ma'am, I had to—" Harry paused as he saw Draco standing in the corner of the room glaring at him.

"He probably just over slept." Draco scoffed and then looked away.

Harry could only glare at the blond as he stared at the opposite wall no longer acknowledging Harry's presence in the room. "I didn't think I'd have to deal with you right when I came here.. So what are you doing here?"

"Really Potter, you are something that is far from amazing. I don't see why people—"

"That is enough!" Professor McGonagall said, her lip thinning, and reminding them that she was still there. "Really, I don't know how well this detention is going to go." McGonagall said with a sigh.

"I'm sorry Professor." Harry said. Draco said nothing, his head stayed bowed to avoid all eye contact.

"As for your detention you'll both be helping Professor Sprout for a while. She'll give you the detail's but I don't want to hear anything that is anything but outstanding behavior." McGonagall handed Harry a slip of parchment. "If you understand then you are to head straight there and get started. Hand her that parchment Harry, Draco Snape should have given you yours; then she should start you on your detentions."

"Yes ma'am." Both boy's said this time then only glared at each other again before turning and trying to be the first out the door.

"This year will definitely stay interesting with those two." McGonagall said with a small laugh to herself before turning to papers that sat waiting for her on her desk.

Harry walked a little further ahead of Draco in the hallway, his mind still a scattered mess from the mornings events and his dream that was becoming nothing more then a shadow in his mind. Lost in his musing's it took Harry a moment to catch that Draco muttered something under his breath. "What?"

"Just saying how you are a teacher's pet is all."

"What was that!"

"Now you've gone deaf Potter?"

"Only to whatever you say."

"Psht, no wonder you have joined the losing side. You don't listen to those who know best."

"'Those who know best' in your eyes are idiots and cowards Malfoy." Harry corrected Draco.

Snarling and his fist's clenching Draco took a moment before his look turned cocky. "I guess you mean Granger then don't you?"

Harry felt his feet freeze in its movements before he even fully processed what he was doing. He had turned on Draco, wand in hand, and now stood waiting for Draco to draw... Draco never did, he just stood there with a look Harry could not place as he stared down Harry's wand. Slowly Harry put his wand away and turned his back to Draco. "You wouldn't understand a thing Draco. People make choices that someone like you... Could never see or understand."

Draco said nothing for a while until they reached Professor Sprout's office just outside the castle. "Potter. I may not see these 'choices', but if you continue like this I'm sure the Dark Lord will and his victory is ahead of him. Just now you turned your back on an enemy, remember that." And with that Draco passed Harry and continued inside.

As Harry watched Draco go he couldn't help but wonder, how many times did Draco turn his back on Harry?

**End Chapter Twelve (12)**

**A/N:**Okay so it has been a while since I've been able to work on this story.. Partly my fault, partly because my computer finally kicked it –sadface- Oh that was a sad day when I lost all my files! Thankfully I had double saved them on a USB and written them on paper so I wasn't too lost. Just set back on actually 'writing' it. I got One-Shot's out –Wootness- I used my mother's old compy to do such amazing things like that ;) But NOW I finally got a replacement computer and my files have been uploaded and updated (cause I had a few while I was MIA) and now I'm back to writing and making havoc in the universe! Mwahahahaa!

I know this seems more of a filler chapter but I have to get you guys to touch the story again before I delve you back in. Promise it will be picking up soon. It should be at least ;) More mysteries, new alliances, shocking discoveries, and of course the years of youth go on in a time of war... How's this all gonna play out? Well just keep reading and you'll find out!


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